To ask for your help to be a better mum?

[TheGreatElfTree]

Probably the wrong section to post in but here goes.

My 7 month old is honestly driving me to insanity. I'm a single mum, dads never been around. DS is the clingiest baby I've ever known and it's just getting impossible. He fights me on everything and I just can't take it anymore.

He won't let me put him down, ever. I sometimes get away with it when he naps but not a lot and I literally have to hold him against me all day or listen to a constant record of whinging. It NEVER stops. And I mean never. I put him down, even to grab a drink, he's whinging and screaming. And today I just lost it.

I was trying to eat lunch, tv on kids stuff (as always, and I find it incredibly irritating) and a fly that wouldn't leave me alone and him turning from in his walker to scream at me and I just went mental. I screamed at him to shut up, I put my hand over his mouth (not his nose) and I wheeled the walker outside the kitchen and shut the door because I just needed to eat and I was so hungry (I barely eat because he won't let me). I don't feel okay at all that I did this too him but I felt so out of control and all I wanted to do was eat. I can't wash, I can't nap, I can't eat, I can't even put him down to bring in a parcel as he just goes into full on screaming the second I put him down.

Another huge issue is his weight. He isn't gaining weight basically at all and we are seeing paediatric people for this but they've told me to wean (2 meals a day) and start some formula. With the bottles he just screams at them and spits and splutters so much he gets covered in it and chokes and none of it gets drunk. With food I have to hold his head still as he'll turn and pull away that much and force the spoon into his mouth and hope he doesn't spit it out. Feeding him like this feels cruel and takes forever, but otherwise there's no feeding him. Dentinox and Calpol go the same way and make a right mess. I am fighting him with everything, everything is a constant battle. He won't eat the food or drink the formula so is now losing weight but paediatrician says to just keep trying.

I know it's not right to treat my boy this way but my god what I wouldn't give to be able to put him down without hearing constant crying. It's hot and I'm sweaty and I just want to put him down for five minutes. Chores are done with a constant barrage of screams. He's currently crying in his cot as I just can't face it (the crying) right now and I'm a terrible mum.

The health visitor isn't an option for me as I saw her first for his weight issues and she gave us advice that actually made his health a lot worse so now I don't trust her and family all work a lot so I'm very alone. Please help me.

For the record, I can see him on the baby monitor so he's not completely left alone.

But there also seems to be a lot of ignoring of what you actually did earlier. You can't be covering his mouth while screaming in his face and it's irrelevant that his nose wasn't covered. That behaviour was abusive.

Oh FFS, OP is beating herself up about it already without your judgement . And she knows she needs help, that's why she's here.

OP, what was his birth like? I ask because mine was the same for the first couple of months after a difficult birth and I took him to a chiropractor who worked on his neck and it worked a treat. He was a different baby afterwards.

Op, I agree with the replies here. It sounds like you need more support. Please, please see if you can find another health visitor that you get along with. Or another GP.

An unsettled and clingy baby with health concerns as well as very low social support can have a negative impact on your own mental health, such as PND. Some things in your post concerned me - the hand over baby's mouth, the screaming at baby and the force-feeding. These are warning signs that you are feeling overwhelmed and I want to gently point out that there is the danger that this can escalate.

Op, we can see you are doing your absolute best. The very fact that you have been so honest on this thread shows that. You are a good mother and I hope that this gets easier for you.

Sorry everyone, DS woke up so I was playing with him. Going to try and answer everything in this one post.

He's barely accepting formula so breastmilk is still flowing and I increased his feeds a while ago but he's since dropped one (I think he's just not hungry for it). He's tiny, below the 0.4 percentile.

We try a lot of toys and the tv sometimes distracts him just enough for me to grab something from the cupboard to eat. But we play a huge amount and I interact with him whenever he's awake.

I don't know what his exact blood test results were but they did confirm CMPA. But apparently slight.

I feel awful about what happened today and I can't change it BUT I CAN change his future with all your wonderful suggestions.

We're going to the GP tomorrow and I've asked my mum if she can have him one morning a week(on her one day off) and my sister has offered to have him for an hour or two on the days she doesn't work. So I guess that's something!

I don't blame him at all for his needs! He's so tiny and I hate seeing him so unhappy, it makes me cry most days. It's not his fault at all. And I don't force feed him because I want to, I'm trying to do what the paed has asked.

Tonight I gave him some Ella's Kitchen puffs with his dinner and he didn't fight eating dinner, ate all of it and ate the puffs! So thank you because that helped a lot!

His birth was awful. Episiotomy, forceps, 4th degree tear. But I'm healed up and I don't regret the birth I had because it was honestly the best day of my life, meeting my son. What did your chiropractor do @coatlessinspokane ? Sounds like an idea.

Again, thank you everyone so so much. I've decided to stop trying the formula, try pumping but if he doesn't want the bottle I won't make him (I have a LOT of milk so won't care about chucking some away) and hopefully he will accept expressed milk with family members. You've given me the confidence to ask for help and I can't thank you all enough for that. I need breaks sometimes and I'm starting to realise that that doesn't make me a bad mum.

That's a really positive update OP. I hope everything goes well for you and your lad.

Hopefully this period will just be a blip in the past soon enough. 💐💐💐

Op . I had a very clingy son who would wake if I left the room so know how difficult that is .

I used a baby carrier to get things done so did have two hands but didn’t cook so mostly ate sandwiches.

Do you have a Surestart centre nearby you may be able to get some support.

Can you ask if someone can batch cook and just heat up in the microwave. Increase your calories will increase babies.

Also it is tough but you need to pop him down so you can go for a wee but don’t not go . I used to sit son on bathroom floor.

Re weaning: they thought my Ds had a milk intolerance so I mixed fruit and vag with breast milk . But I agree don’t force it .

My Ds would throw up formula but was fine with yoghurts so there was no issue.

What I also wanted to add as tough as it is it will pass

@NotEven Thank you and I hope so too.

I went to the GP and got Omeprezole but GP won't give me the suspension version so I have to mix tablets with water to be able to give it to DS but hopefully it works!

Breakfast was also a success today and not having to force a bottle is a huge weight lifted. I feel much better today

Well done OP! Your comment about your baby dropping a feed reminded me of how my daughter was around this age - I thought she was weaning but actually it was temporary and she wasn't really ready to cut down - Google 'nursing strike' or there's some info about it here: www.laleche.org.uk/nursing-strikes/

Lots of great advice on here and some great moves you are making. The best advice I can give is be sociable let him see other babies, other people etc. Once he realises you aren't the only one he will get less clingy. Of course you'll always be his favourite and having your mum and sis involved will help but they also need this to grow in confidence. Good luck!

@rodentforce I think you're right about a nursing strike and reading through that page I realised I switched deodorant from the one I've used for a long time (since before I was pregnant) to a new one right when he dropped a feed. Gonna have to switch back I reckon but the new one was cheaper!

@JazzyGG I do try but unfortunately I'm the first out of my friends to have a baby and only 2 of my friends are single so I stand out a bit. But my boy sees his 20 month old cousin about 3 times a week and his Aunt too. He loves watching his cousin but cries at being held by his Aunt as he cries at anyone holding him who isn't me. He's seen my mum most days since he was born and only let's her hold him for five minutes.