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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

.... about the washing (Part 2)

58 replies

HostofDaffodils · 08/08/2019 09:22

I posted before about our household laundry. A year or so after he retired my husband took on this task. This was because 'he was unable to see what needed doing' and 'I just needed to tell him what household jobs needed to be done.' So the solution was for him to take responsibility for particular tasks.

Unfortunately this meant having to listen to him talking a very great deal to me for days and nights at a time about the weather and how he might or might not do the washing and he might have to take it in or not peg it out. And then he'd drape thick towels over the cold radiators. After the boredom of this reduced me to screaming point I bought a tumble dryer. Things have been slightly better since then.

I had also discussed with him that his tendency to just take the stuff off the top of a full laundry hamper means that some garments, which may be needed/wanted, get left for ages. He nodded in the way which means he doesn't really think it's that important.

Sadly my husband has a new obsession at the moment and this has meant a deterioration in his ability to do the washing. We also recently bought new beds - so we have twin singles rather than a double. We currently don't have that many fitted cotton sheets for singles. At the moment it's just two on the beds and a spare two. The newest pair of fitted sheets are still rather shiny and starchy so - until the starch has worn off - I find I can only sleep well on the older softer two sheets in this warm weather.

Over the summer I am particularly busy juggling two different freelance jobs both of which are proving quite demanding. My husband has some social groups which are continuing to meet over the summer but can essentially just please himself.

Anyway over 2 weeks ago I changed one soft sheet from my bed, put it in the basket and put the spare soft one on. (My husband knows that we're currently short of single sheets and that I find the softer pair more comfortable)

I keep waiting for the old soft sheet to go through the laundry but my husband is very preoccupied so I keep reminding him to put washing on. And my daughter has come home and puts a lot of extra stuff in the hamper.

Two days back thinking the soft sheet on my bed is really in need of a change, I look on the shelf where we store the clean bedding. The spare isn't there. It's still in the laundry hamper, which is filling up. I ask him to put a load of laundry on.

Last night I think, 'Finally I can change my bedding.'

Only to find it's still at the bottom of the laundry hamper. My husband has been scooping everything off the top of the pile which means for weeks he's been leaving my only spare sheet unwashed.

I went and pointed this out to him. His replies were

a) 'Sacrifices have to be made'. (This means he can't wash everything that's in the hamper. Some stuff has to be left.) and b) I 'should have told him' that I particularly wanted the only spare sheet washed.

Would this make you feel fed up?

OP posts:
Vulpine · 08/08/2019 09:24

Id just wash what i need myself

Lumene · 08/08/2019 09:34

Either let him do it his way and let it go or do your own washing. Life is too short to spend this much time and energy worrying about laundry.

WorraLiberty · 08/08/2019 09:39

Swap one of your chores for the laundry, or just do your own.

FFS it's just bunging a sheet and a laundry capsule in a machine. It's not like you have to drag it down to the river and beat it against stones.

endofthelinefinally · 08/08/2019 09:42

Get 2 laundry baskets.
Pre-sort the washing.
I do sheets and towels separately anyway so they have their own basket.
I sort by colour too.
DS is staying here temporarily and he does his own washing.
It is so simple thst I am forced to conclude your H is doing this deliberately.
Why would that be?

IwantedtobeEmmaPeel · 08/08/2019 09:42

If he really is this inept I would just turn the laundry basket upside down so all the stuff at the bottom is now at the top. Alternatively I would just wash my own stuff to make sure I always had clean sheets and clothes.

He sounds exhausting.

HostofDaffodils · 08/08/2019 09:47

I think it's unfair that if I am working and he is not working that I should do my own laundry. Ecologically/economically putting the machine on just for one or two things of my own isn't great either. (I'll handwash a T shirt if it's something I need in a hurry, but this doesn't work for bedding.)

And yes, I'm exhausted.

OP posts:
endofthelinefinally · 08/08/2019 09:49

Does he do anything apart from the laundry?

NurseButtercup · 08/08/2019 09:51

I think he's doing it on purpose to wind you up. My advice would be separate laundry baskets and each person is responsible for their own laundry.

WorraLiberty · 08/08/2019 09:53

It's not unfair.

Plenty of people who work outside of the home, also share a couple of chores with the person who doesn't.

WOH isn't a get out clause to do nothing around the house.

Therefore, swap one of the jobs you do round the house for your laundry.

Honestly, it's not like you have to hand wash each item. You're making a huge fuss over this.

IsoscelesSandwich · 08/08/2019 09:55

He’s doing the job badly on purpose, it’s infuriating. Tip the basket out onto the floor and leave it. I had to appoint my husband “director of refuse” to make the bins his job as he is also blind to things that need doing. I’ve found giving it a high falutin job title has helped. Good luck with your similar-sounding man child.

Lovemenorca · 08/08/2019 09:57

You and your husband are two peas in a pod

JuneSpoon · 08/08/2019 09:58

I'd probably divorce him. Fuck that shit.

JuneSpoon · 08/08/2019 10:00

Do you have a reciprocal job e.g. food shopping where you could constantly forget the things he likes and tell him "sacrifices have to be made"? He sounds like a lazy bastard.

HostofDaffodils · 08/08/2019 10:03

He cooks on the days when I'm working. He shops for food that he cooks - but isn't very good on general stocking up so the fridge tends to run down unless I check and make lists, buy items myself. He puts the bins out every week. He occasionally makes a loaf of bread in the machine if I am out/busy and we're out of bread and he happens to remembers. He does his own ironing because I don't do this for him. He fetches a daily newspaper. In terms of cleaning, he 'forgets'.

So I will tend to do general vacuuming, cleaning, food shopping, half the cooking, tidying up, most of the lawn mowing and hedge trimming, organising when stuff needs to go to the tip. I identify when objects need to be repaired and replaced/sourced -, and when redecorating needs to happen. I do painting. I also organise 90% of any holidays and outings. (He 'forgets'.)

OP posts:
Croquembou · 08/08/2019 10:05

Whatever the rights and wrongs of it, I feel you could have saved yourself a lot of time and emotional effort by just chucking the sheet in on one of the 8 or 9 times where you noticed it hadn't been done. You could have said 'I'll just fucking do it myself then' and slammed the washing machine door as you did it. This sometimes brings me some soul peace.

But...you don't seem very happy? Are you sure it's not something bigger and you've latched on to the washing as a way to express your annoyance at... everything?

speakout · 08/08/2019 10:07

He may be retired but he needs to work.

Lots of ways to make money from home.

endofthelinefinally · 08/08/2019 10:07

I haven't seen the first thread, but if OP is working 2 demanding jobs and her DH is retired, I think she has every right to expect him to manage a simple, regular task that he has already agreed to do.
OP hasn't answered my question about what else he does; that might have a bearing on this.

DotBall · 08/08/2019 10:08

My DH is retired and does the washing. We have separate baskets for whites, greys/mids, darks and towels/bedding. He washes something every day. You wanna whip your slacker into shape, he’s clearly letting it pile up.

Or do your sheets yourself. If there’s something I need in particular or it needs special treatment (e.g. linen dress doesn’t go in the dryer) I do it, as well as working full time. It takes seconds to put something in a washer / transfer to dryer.

This is more about division of labour in your house. Our rule is ‘either do it or don’t do it, but don’t moan’.

endofthelinefinally · 08/08/2019 10:08

Oops, sorry OP. Xposted.

endofthelinefinally · 08/08/2019 10:09

Having read that, I think I would divorce him.

WorraLiberty · 08/08/2019 10:11

Blimey, you could've done a whole month's worth of washing in that tsunami of a drip feed.

gotmychocolateimgood · 08/08/2019 10:12

He might be doing it badly on purpose so you don't ask him again.

665TheNeighbourOfTheBeast · 08/08/2019 10:32

Aha! What you need is a new tombola style laundry bin ! (Aka compost tumbler)

.... about the washing (Part 2)
gotmychocolateimgood · 08/08/2019 10:33

Great idea @665TheNeighbourOfTheBeast 😁

RealMermaid · 08/08/2019 10:34

To be fair, yes it would be nice for him to notice the sheet needs washing, but if you wanted the sheet washed it would be sensible to let him know - especially as you have the other two new sheets but just don't want to use them. If you had specifically asked him to wash the sheet you'd have more right to be annoyed if he didn't.