To ask how your unplanned third child situation turned out?

[Worrywart21]

Just found out I’m pregnant with no.3. I have a 3 & 7 year old and felt done although I’m love pregnancy and babies usually I’m struggling.

I wanted to hear some stories from people saying how it worked out for them. I’m terrified and even with my unplanned first child I was excited so struggling with these feelings.

I keep wondering if it would be easier to look at options for ending the pregnancy although in my heart worry I won’t cope mentally with that in the future.

The thing I’m struggling with especially is that my now 3 year old was extremely hard. I had post natal anxiety and worried sick about her development. I’m talking unable to sleep and she turned out perfectly fine and healthy.

Secondly is we’ve been planning our wedding and spent soooo much money over the last year and a half and the wedding is due to happen 2 weeks after my due date so I need to change that possibly to the following year but I’m so disappointed.

Did anyone feel unhappy at first with the pregnancy and everything turn out ok? I think I’m struggling as I’m so unhappy about it now I think it might push me into postnatal depression later and I don’t want that.

I know several people with 3 and a couple were unplanned. But in all cases that 3rd one is a lovely much welcomed part of the family, they couldn't imagine life without them now and they certainly don't regret they had them . But it's very very hard work and everyone is different. Only you know how you will feel and what is right for your family.

@endofthelinefinally @thewildrose I am so very sorry for both your losses
OP congratulations on your news. My surprise No3 left me devastated & in total shock. Like @balonzz, my exH is a deeply unpleasant man & I was a single parent in all but name. I was 38, had just returned to work, with a 4 & 1yr old and 14wks gone when I found out. The younger child had been a total nightmare so that was also a bitter pill to swallow BUT I am so happy I went through with my pregnancy. Luckily an easy pregnancy & such a chilled child, an utter joy 11 yrs on. You do what's best for you and your family.

Thank you Mummacake.
I ws 42 when I had DC3.
It was hard going.
But that child was meant to be.
That child has saved us all.

My 3rd was unplanned. I had a 2 year old and 8 month old at the time. Huge shock. I was not keen because I had hyperemisis with the other two (whole world of pain and hospital admissions and drips and sickness etc..) and it turned out she was my 3rd c-section also, again, no one wants that kind of pain for a 3rd time in 3 years . I was so tired of it all and wanted to just move on. She is sat to the right of me now. She is 9 years old and the most wonderful, funny, beautiful, brilliant girl. It turned out she compleated and balanced the family. I didn't think anyone was missing. I don't regret a thing. Not one thing. And I would have her again in a heartbeat. I hope it all works out for you op.

There’s nothing wrong with having an abortion if that’s what right for you and your family. You don’t need to punish yourself, you’re not ‘bad’ if you do it. You have every right to put yourself and your existing family first.

I terminated my third pregnancy about six weeks ago. I agonized over the decision (even cancelled the appointment at the last minute whilst parked outside the clinic) but went through with it a week later. It was a medical termination and the process itself was fine, no pain and not much more than a heavy period.

I was so so afraid I would regret a termination and went around in circles in my head over what to do but once I actually went through with it I felt incredibly relieved. Though I have gotten wistful once or twice, I know it was the right decision. I would have probably coped with a third but only barely. I'm a bit of a wreck after two and just couldn't put myself through it again. I felt I had very little of myself left to sacrifice. I'm one of three and my siblings both have three DC and it's a very different dynamic to two - loud and busy with someone always upset about something. This is all fine if it suits your personality but I'm an introverted soul at heart and felt stressed by the mere thought of the added noise, mess and chaos. My relationship wouldn't have survived a third child either.

It's a torturously difficult decision to make, you have my complete sympathy OP. Best of luck whatever you decide.

I should also add that my major deciding factor for termination was that I knew my existing children would suffer. I simply wouldn't be the mother I wanted to be if I added another baby to the fray. I couldn't see any benefit to my children having another DC.

I had 3 under 4 at one point and TBH having the third was not any harder than having 2. However as they grew up DS1 and DD(3rd) fought like cat and dog and have only really started getting on since DD had her sons. That is down to personality though.

I had a 9 and 15 yr old when my 3rd came along. I was also nearly 40. She is now 15 yrs old and the light of our lives and adored by her older siblings. We struggled financially and my career was affected etc but I wouldn't change a thing. We say she was meant to be.

DS3 was unplanned, I already had DS1, 9yo and DS2, 7yo (ASD). DS3 has been a complete blessing, and as he has grown up, he's now 20yo, loves his brothers, who love him back. Even though DS3 earliest memory is having rugby balls thrown at his head by his brothers, telling him to catch it. (Outing)

I had my third baby recently. We were totally shocked when I found out I was pregnant. It was completely unplanned and unexpected. I had a hideous pregnancy and I could never go through that again. However now that she is here she is an absolute joy and we wouldn't be without her and my four and six year old absolutely adore her. They are besotted with their sister. One of the things that was unexpectedly wonderful was how much my six year old daughter enjoyed me being pregnant and reading about the various stages of the baby's development. It was something I hadn't expected

I agree with AsTheWorldTurns. It is compliyour choice and if you want three then it's great news. If you don't, it doesn't have to take weeks and the reality is that the vast majority of women who choose to terminate feel positive in the long term about this - they just don't talk about it. It also does not need to take weeks.

When I was in a similar quandary I spoke with the BPAS counsellors a number of times - the service is free, very confidential and can be done on the phone or in person, and is very unbiased.

I don’t get why so many people are congratulating the OP when she’s clearly struggling with the thought of an unplanned pregnancy. It just seems a pretty odd thing to do .

Most people I know who have an unplanned third say that whilst they love the child as an individual, they regret having a third because of the challenges it brings (largely logistically and financially).

I have 2DC and whilst I’ve always wondered what a third would be like I know it wouldn’t be fair to my existing DC to have one as I struggle with the newborn and toddler phase and it would make me a pretty crap parent, at a time when they are so much easier and I thoroughly enjoy their company. I would almost certainly terminate if I accidentally fell pregnant now.

You’ve got a tough decision OP, I hope you can make the right one for you.

My unplanned 3rd is 16 months. Her brothers are 7 and 12. I wouldn't recommend the age gaps but I've never regretted having her for a second.
I wish you all the very best with your decision, and as an aside your DH sounds lovely

ModreB I love the rugby ball story! 🤣🤣

Ds3 was unplanned, ds1 and ds2 were 9 and 5 so we thought that baby days were well and truly over.

Going from 2-3 was the easiest big life change we have ever made. I think that once you have two children you are already operating at top whack, so another one on top really hasn't made much difference! I often say he is dragging himself up though because my time is now more limited

I had to listen to my heart not my head though. I knew that we would always find a way to make another baby work, but on the flipside that I would not ever stop feeling regret at having terminated. This made my decision easier.

Good luck OP on whatever your choice is

OP here.. I took a FRER which was positive Monday evening and Tuesday morning.

It’s now Friday and the test is completely negative. No hint of a line.

I think it must be a chemical pregnancy and my period will start soon? I just don’t see how there is no line at all now?

I will test again on Sunday morning if no period.

Good news? How do you feel about it?

A bit confused as we decided last night to go ahead with the pregnancy and now it’s probably over we’re just a bit drained! Physically I’m feel crap with nausea and bad cramps. I just want my period and then we can move on but until then I feel stuck in limbo.

My 3rd was unplanned! My husband was not particularly pleased when I said I might be pregnant, and when I did the test (weeks later as I was in denial) my response was to shout "Oh fuck" on my own in the bathroom. We felt that we didn't have enough money and the 2nd had been a horrendously difficult baby that very nearly ended in divorce. He is currently on my boob after a particularly challenging week or so where the other 2 have been horrors and he has been an absolute joy. He's the first of the 3 that is content, he naps lots, he sleeps at night. This is a huge contrast to the other two. He's really made our family complete, so don't despair!!!

Must be a very draining time for you OP with lots to think about, especially if you'd made a decision and things are possibly changing again.

I discovered an unplanned pregnancy this time last year and DH and I felt very done with our 2 DC so it was a very confusing and emotional time and I'm glad we're a year down the line from it now.

Be kind to yourself.

@Worrywart21 how are you doing?

I’m ok thank you.

Period did come eventually and for me I think it just confirmed how much I do not want a third right now. I’m appreciating how simple life is with 2 now and I think that’s my limit.

OH is suggesting trying for a third after the wedding and I said I would consider it as who knows I may feel differently in a year once the youngest is almost 4 and we’re married, but in my heart I doubt it. I feel happy that I’m out of the baby phase right now.

Glad it has worked out for you xxx