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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be irritated?

65 replies

anxietygirl76 · 07/08/2019 23:00

I am awaiting a delivery if an expensive item I have been waiting for for about 6 weeks. I had no control over when it was despatched and it has finally been despatched today via UPS with a delivery of Friday, with the only details being 'any time of day'.

Unfortunately I am attending a funeral on Friday , so won't be home.
Of course, I'd rather there weren't such sad circumstances that there's a funeral at all. So my parcel really is minor in the grand scheme of things.

However I casually mentioned to my DP perhaps he could WFH Friday . The answer was an outright no because he doesn't like working on a laptop and prefers the desktop at work

I feel a bit miffed as I'm always running around dropping him off, picking him up, taking his bike to the bike shop for repairs/servicing and do on....

And now he's just mentioned can I take him to work on Friday and pick him up so he doesn't have to ride because it's going to be raining (his car in garage).

I'm biting my tongue....if he wfh he wouldn't need a lift would he...grrr

But at the end of the day there are far worse things going on in the world aren't there and I should really count my blessings.

OP posts:
HappyLoneParentDay · 07/08/2019 23:51

@Crunchymum Why on earth do you need to know this?!

Sparklfairy · 07/08/2019 23:54

Why does that matter Crunchymum ?

NoSauce · 07/08/2019 23:56

I’m sure crunchy is just curious.. I am a bit Grin

imamum21 · 07/08/2019 23:57

easy! say sorry im too busy to take you to work between waiting for my parcel and attending the funeral, you need to work from home or make your own way

ohfourfoxache · 07/08/2019 23:57

Wow, what a specimen he is Hmm

cookieoclock · 08/08/2019 00:04

Why on earth would you help him out by giving him a lift, when he won’t help you out?
I would never stand for this one sided behaviour.

KC225 · 08/08/2019 05:36

Your last paragraph made me queasy. I knew you would do it. He knew it too.

But tell us why you listed all the things you do running around for him, but didn't say it to him? Why should you seeth inwardly and bite your tongue - are you in Gilliad, tell Commander Waterford to do one.

And YES it is worth a row when your spouse is being thoughtless, inconsiderate and selfish.

KatherineJaneway · 08/08/2019 05:47

You're being a doormat OP.

Shoxfordian · 08/08/2019 05:57

Stop being a mug
He should be happy to help you out
Why is he not coming to the funeral to support you?

Chamomileteaplease · 08/08/2019 06:35

You say he's not normally like this but you have said that you are always running around after him.

He has also shown no sensitivity towards you regarding the funeral, your parcel or anything else.

I think you should tell him that you often do things for him and you would really appreciate it if he could do this one thing for you.

I am afraid you do come across as rather unassertive and as though it is usual for him to walk all over you. The situation on Friday is the kind of thing that could start changing that Smile

Orchidflower1 · 08/08/2019 06:42

You have enough on on Friday. Going to take him to work as a special trip, not even a dropping as you’re passing trip- no way. He is self centred.

origamiunicorn · 08/08/2019 06:46

Your last paragraph made me queasy. I knew you would do it. He knew it too.

OP he will constantly act like this if he knows he will always get his way.

Why do you need to bend over backwards to accommodate him when he won't do the smallest thing to accommodate you? You're setting up a precedent here for this thing happening time and time again.

You need to stay home for your parcel, he can ride in or WFH.

cptartapp · 08/08/2019 06:47

Do not have DC with this man, he sounds dreadful.
God, what a way to live.

ItsABubbleParty · 08/08/2019 07:01

He needs a better set up at home if he's trying to always work from a laptop. Which any adult should be able to manage! Using a bigger screen for his laptop, using a keyboard and mouse at home, etc.

Original poster
anxietygirl76 · 08/08/2019 07:14

anxietygirl76

Sorry all, I went to bed 😳

To answer some questions...I repeated Fridays expected 'schedule' back to him slowly....I did say, so you want me to take you, come back etc...I also pointed out if he WFH he wouldn't need to ride in the wet..
I also (before posting on here) said to him that I do a lot for him...still nothing..

He does hate working from home and so far this year has only done so when we were snowed in and when there was a power cut at the office.

Regards the funeral it is a friend's partner who he didn't know. If my last sentence made people queasy that is what I mean because I'm whining about a parcel and she's lost her other half.

The parcel is my new bike and I'm very excited.

I did bring it up , he knows I'm pissed off .. but doesn't seem to see that it matters if I don't get it on Friday.

I don't think I'm a doormat, I just didn't see the point in a row, I did mention it all to him and I can't force him to stay at home.

Yes i do think he's being a dick.

OP posts:
Nottheduchess · 08/08/2019 07:15

Op you are a walk over. Just say no ffs! I’m sorry but I have to wait in for the parcel.
If he jealous of this thing you are getting?

Podwoman888 · 08/08/2019 07:21

I would ring the carriers and ask them to deliver to a neighbour if you are not in.

In the meantime tell DH, you're sorry but you have to wait for the parcel.
And how does he know it will be raining? If he's that good at forecasting the weather he should join the Met Office!

You're not a taxi service so don't be one. Smile

Nanny0gg · 08/08/2019 07:26

So accept he won't work from home but you don't take him in.

What will happen?

Original poster
anxietygirl76 · 08/08/2019 07:28

He would ride in, in the rain @Nanny0gg

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 08/08/2019 07:33

really don't want a row over it. I just need to 'let it go' and sort out delivery myself,

As a one off, this is indeed fair enough.

The question to ask yourself, is whether it might be part of a pattern of behaviour, when you run around to accommodate him and he .. doesn't.

If there is a pattern, it might be because you would like you to both be accommodating so model that behaviour and he doesn't. You could try scaling back your willingness to accommodate so he noticed. Then maybe trade favours ...

I'm not sure I would want to live like that. But then, I would also not be ok with being taken for granted.

Tell us you are not acting like a doormat: tell us three big things he has done for you in the last three months.

Tolleshunt · 08/08/2019 07:33

I bet you that if the boot were on the other foot, and you were refusing to stay at home so he could get his new bike, he would definitely be complaining about it.

He’s a selfish arse. What skin would it be off his nose to tolerate a less-than-perfect computer for one day?

Stop doing favours for him, and tell him why. Relationships need to be a two way street. You are not a service bot for him, your needs and desires matter just as much as his.

Nanny0gg · 08/08/2019 07:44

Then let him.

Consequences.

KC225 · 08/08/2019 07:47

I am the poster who wrote that your last paragraph made me feel queasy - it wasn't about the funeral OP, ai felt queasy that you had accepted this behaviour from your DH and would roll over and do his bidding.

Your update doesn't make happy reading - you do for him and he is still unable to support you. He may really hate working from home but how much do you love going to funerals to watch a freind bury their partner. He sounds like he is on an empathy detox. Knowing how you feel and him still not supporting is not great OP.

I hope the funeral goes as well as can be expected.

BuildBuildings · 08/08/2019 07:51

Is he always so selfish?

alliejay81 · 08/08/2019 08:00

I think you need to look at this different. Yes, your friend is suffering from a terrible tragedy, but that doesn't less your feelings on a smaller issue.

I think you need to tell your DH how you feel. Tell him how frustrated you are. If you keep calm and explain it shouldn't cause a row, and maybe he might agree to wfh, if it does cause a row I'm afraid he's an arse!

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