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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be suspicious?

43 replies

Staysexyanddontgetmurdered · 07/08/2019 15:53

I've been with my husband for 7 years now and married for 3. We have two beautiful children together and he is a lovely man, kind, generous and really gets stuck in with the children despite not being home much. (Forces).

In the second year of our relationship, I found out he had been using a 'swingers' website to video chat with other women. We dealt with it, I forgave him and we moved on. I would say it was a case of forgiven but not forgotten on my part. Anyway, one of the things he did was to delete all his social media accounts and he hasn't used any since then...until now. I was up really late doing a night feed and saw his phone lying around. Yes, I snooped. He's back on Facebook under a fake name. The weird thing is, he doesn't have any friends, hasn't made any posts, hasn't received any messages or anything. It just says he has a dormant account basically.

You don't need to berate me for snooping, I already know I'm an idiot. But would you be suspicious? Why would he have an account with absolutely zero activity?

OP posts:
IAskTooManyQuestions · 07/08/2019 15:55

Why would he have an account with absolutely zero activity?

1.. specifically made to look at someoen who has blocked him
2.. Specifially made to sighn up to junk
3.. to troll the comments section of the Daily Mail

IAskTooManyQuestions · 07/08/2019 15:56

Sorry - covered in orange juice Grin typing like a knobber

JellyTots2009 · 07/08/2019 16:07

If you check his activity log you can see who he has been searching for, if this is what he has been using FB for.
The searches can be deleted but he wouldn't need any reason to do that if he thought he was the only one using the account.

Norrisskipjack · 07/08/2019 16:21

He’s using it as a sign in account, don’t worry I have an account for the exact same reason.

A lot of websites now have a ‘sign in with facebook’ option which makes it easier and quicker than entering all your details every time. I have a fake social account I use for this purpose that is no friends and no activity Smile

WhoKnewBeefStew · 07/08/2019 16:24

Is he using it to sign up to different sites? I think you can sign up to various sites, like tinder etc with a fb account, thus not having to use your own email address

AryaStarkWolf · 07/08/2019 16:27

yeah I would have said a sign in account too

BobTheFishermansWife · 07/08/2019 16:35

I second @Norrisskipjack I have an account I use just to sign up to websites. I wouldn't think much of it.

Original poster
Staysexyanddontgetmurdered · 07/08/2019 16:37

Ok thanks everyone. I hadn't thought of that in my mad panic! He hasn't searched for anyone...literally the only activity on the account was me signing in. Blush well this is going to be fun to explain to him.

OP posts:
msmith501 · 07/08/2019 16:38

I also have a second fictitious account to sign up for crap so that I'm not bombarded with nonsense on my real email / Facebook.

helpmee · 07/08/2019 16:40

Could be allll sorts of reasons op. He could be innocently using it to sign into apps quicker etc, it could be to search for people to be nosey, or if hes had tendencies to view sexual things on his phone, he could nose on porn accounts or etc. Who knows, youd have to ask him and watch his reaction closely. And ask for proof of whatever his answers is instantly so he hasnt got time to change anything.

Cheeseandwin5 · 07/08/2019 16:43

I do believe in trusting your partners and very much against snooping, as some of my messages, can attest to, but your case it is very different. Your DH has let you down before, in that case it is only right that you would be wary and listen to your gut feeling.
Assuming that it is all innocent ,your behaviour may not be right but it is a result of his previous activity and I wouldn't accept all the blame should he try and heap it on to you.

shrek1978 · 07/08/2019 16:53

Don't you need a Facebook account to set up a Tinder account?

AngelasAshes · 07/08/2019 17:03

Maybe it’s to keep tabs on subordinates? I’m ex forces and we have had issues with subordinates publicly slagging off superior officers or having sexist hottest woman officer contests or bullying each other or posting suicidal /worrying comments.
So, I never used FB for myself but I had to get a fake one just so I could monitor my troops public posts now and then.

SynchroSwimmer · 07/08/2019 17:06

My cat has his own FB account - especially for doing research....

SweatyUnderboob · 07/08/2019 17:08

You need FB for all the dating apps like Tinder, Bumble and Hinge.

SmellbowSpaceBowl · 07/08/2019 17:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lawnmowingsucks · 07/08/2019 17:14

Don't you need a Facebook account to set up a Tinder account?

Not any more - but you used to. I think Tinder is run by the Facebook group

My first thought was that he has facebook to log onto dating sites

Original poster
Staysexyanddontgetmurdered · 07/08/2019 18:48

Oh god. I really don't think it could be tinder. That might make me sound naive but he works 15+ hour days when he's away and comes straight home when he isn't. There aren't really enough hours in the day for him to be dating / shagging someone else.

I had a baby 3 weeks ago so my hormones are a bit all over the place which is probably why I shopped to begin with.

His FB account is his surname but with a girls first name. It's quite a common name so loads of different people come up when I Google it. He always uses incognito when he's browsing and deletes all his WhatsApp messages etc. Probably because he knows I'm a shopper but also because his job is really high security and he doesn't like to have any links to other people for blackmail purposes.

Oh god the more I write the more I am worrying!

OP posts:
Original poster
Staysexyanddontgetmurdered · 07/08/2019 18:49

snooper not shopper!!!

OP posts:
Allli · 07/08/2019 18:53

How do you know he is at work15 hour days? Not trying to start anything, just asking the question I would ask myself.

lawnmowingsucks · 07/08/2019 19:03

What on earth is he typing in WhatsApp which could lead to blackmail?

Original poster
Staysexyanddontgetmurdered · 07/08/2019 19:07

It's not what he writes on WhatsApp it's who he messages, for example if he's messaging me and he was in a hostage situation, they would be able to trace me as well.

I know he's working these days because I speak to the wives of other men doing the same job.

OP posts:
lawnmowingsucks · 07/08/2019 19:12

Oh I see! Then it makes sense that he has an anonymous FB account. What doesn't make sense is that he's not using it on Facebook (no search). So why create it?

Original poster
Staysexyanddontgetmurdered · 07/08/2019 20:15

I really don't know...can't decide if I'm the biggest mug ever or it's all completely legitimate.

OP posts:
Beesandcheese · 07/08/2019 20:19

I don't think you're instincts are off. Who "chats" on a swingers site? He's taken you for a mug.