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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to end our holiday early and fetch everyone home?

123 replies

Fraught1 · 07/08/2019 11:55

I am a lone parent to four DC. We are staying in a caravan miles from anywhere. Yesterday dd1 who is 15 dislocated her knee cap. After a surprisingly quick A&E visit she was discharged with strict advice to rest.
The problem is the caravan is tiny and I'm terrified of her tripping and injuring herself again. She is in lots of pain and I don't feel comfortable leaving her while I entertain the other DC. The holiday has turned into a nightmare tbh and all dd1 wants to do is go home (understandably).

Is it unreasonable to cut short the holiday? The younger two will be so disappointed but I am really struggling to cope.

OP posts:
MarriageOfPigaro · 07/08/2019 16:17

I'd take my child home in a heartbeat. Surely she can't just put up with such a miserable time?

BeyondMyWits · 07/08/2019 16:26

The swelling will last some time - it is the body protecting the knee, it may go purple/black then yellow too.

Every instinct will be for her to protect the leg - do not let her shuffle sideways as (on advice from our physio) this is the worst for a dislocating kneecap.

MatildaTheCat · 07/08/2019 16:30

I had a sub luxing patella which dislocated fully aged 15. My GP said to rest etc much like your DD. I was hobbling around and my parents decided to get an orthopaedic opinion. They were really cross I’d been allowed to weight bear at all and it was plastered for six weeks and I was non weight bearing.

After this I had physio but the ligaments had been stretched and damaged leaving the patella very unstable so I had surgery a year later.

So please do seek further medical advice in a few days if it hasn’t improved.

I would take the weather into consideration. If it’s poor I might go home a few days early and take the younger dc out on some outings.

Fingers crossed all goes well.

jennymanara · 07/08/2019 16:32

@MarriageOfPigaro why not? She will find the journey home easier after a few days of taking painkillers. And her siblings will still get some enjoyment from their holiday.

Abracad · 07/08/2019 16:37

Care package with some colouring! F* me. Just go home. She needs to rest and be comfortable. Sometimes family is about putting one person’s more urgent needs above everyone else’s.

Pinkpeanut27 · 07/08/2019 16:42

I say make the decision to go , take half an hour to let it sink in and if you feel better go home if you feel worse stay . Often you don’t know what to do until you make a decision.

The fact it wasn’t gift shouldn’t matter , the gift giver would not be happy if you were staying and being unhappy .

If you do go home you can still have fun on the last few days and it’s ofyen tne little things tne kids remember like having ice cream for breakfast or staying up to watch a movie . Rather than the big stuff

Glower · 07/08/2019 16:51

It’s not as simple as just going home though! I don’t blame her at all for wanting to leave, but — there’s three other people in the car so she likely won’t be able to have her leg elevated and positioned properly. If she has to sit normally with her foot on the floor this will probably increase the swelling and the movement of the car will likely put pressure through the knee, causing pain.

MsJRMEsq · 07/08/2019 16:54

If she wants to go home then I'd go TBH, she'll be more comfortable there.

lurkingattheback · 07/08/2019 17:10

Sorry if I've missed this, but do you have any holiday insurance that you could claim on. It won't help this holiday but maybe to help pay for the next.

SansaSnark · 07/08/2019 17:36

I have a friend who dislocated his knee at 18. He was debilitated by it (on and off) and in pain and had problems for at least two years afterwards until he had another operation to help repair it. It's a really painful injury, and I would probably want to be home as well. I have another friend who did this in his twenties and again had problems for about 18 months afterwards.

The other three won't be able to have much fun if you're not able to leave her for long either.

Personally, I'd drive home tomorrow (the weather is supposed to be rubbish for friday/saturday anyway) in the hope of avoiding traffic and making her more comfortable. I know it sucks but hopefully once you're home you can do some fun things for the other three as well.

To drive home, I'd sit her in the front seat and push the seat all the way back and try to support her leg as much as possible.

I'm concerned they've sent her home with no support too.

Sirzy · 07/08/2019 17:41

Unless the op happens to have a 7 seater car pushing any seat all the way back won’t be an option when transporting 4 children! For that reason alone as someone who has had a lifetime of knee issues I would be delaying the long drive for as long as possible to let things settle so she stands some chance of being halfway comfy

HopHoppityHop · 07/08/2019 18:39

What Sirzy says. Or do you have a friend or relative who could come and take her home so she has more space in the car?

Frouby · 07/08/2019 18:43

Whereabouts are you OP? Weather tipped to be horrendous friday and very windy on Saturday where we are (Yorkshire) so I would look at the weather forecast and base your decision on that and travel issues being on Saturday on that.

Original poster
Fraught1 · 07/08/2019 23:07

Thanks for everyone's advice, we had a family conference and decided to come home this evening.
The younger two DC were not too keen but they understand that on this occasion dd1 takes priority. We are planning a cinema trip on Friday to make it up to them.

OP posts:
AutumnCrow · 07/08/2019 23:10

I was going to say, have you seen the weather forecasts?!

Have a safe journey Flowers

icedgem85 · 08/08/2019 17:40

I've dislocated my knee before. You can get a knee brace from Boots - it will really help her. I'd also recommend some Voltarol gel too. With those on her, she might feel differently. I wouldn't end the holiday, she's going to be in pain at home too. Maybe go into the nearest town and download a heap of shows on to an ipad for her. Get her loads of chocolates too. She'll feel so much better in 24hours.

icedgem85 · 08/08/2019 17:41

sorry... bit late!!

jennymanara · 08/08/2019 17:48

This reply has been deleted

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UniversalAunt · 08/08/2019 17:51

Have you checked your holiday insurance?
Might be that you can hire a local mini cab to drive your daughter (with one of of your kids ) home more comfortably & medical grounds while you drive ahead.

The terms may mean that you can claim for % cost of the holiday & put that towards a another trip/treat when your daughter has recovered.

AlwaysCheddar · 08/08/2019 17:52

Travel insurance??

speakout · 08/08/2019 17:53

I think you have made the right decision- weather is going to be torrential this weekend.

I'd get home, set up a tent in the living room for the little ones, pop to the supermarket to get lots of ice cream, popcorn, have some pizzas delivered, watch some TV, play games.

Make the most of the next few days at home.

MIlesdavis · 08/08/2019 18:01

You're thinking of all your children and their happiness and as a lone parent trying to give everyone a great holiday, I sincerely take my hat off to you.

But it's not just the children's holiday - it's yours, too. What makes life best for you? I suspect it's going home and taking a breather in familiar surroundings.

What matters most is that you're together.

littlesos · 08/08/2019 18:09

My kneecaps have been dislocating since for over 30 years. In that time, advice has changed a lot (I started out with full leg casts, which did more damage than good). Current advice is no support, and to rest, but not stay still all day, as you don't want to lose muscle mass. You do need to keep moving/weight bearing frequently throughout the day for short periods...eg walk to the bathroom and back to lounge etc. She also needs to try her best not to limp, and walk normally otherwise you'll end up with problems with the other leg. It's very scary when it first happens, and it will feel loose and wobbly. Pain should go quite quickly (couple of days), it's the swelling that is the biggest issue, cos it leaves the kneecap feeling floaty and weird. Wishing her well.

FelicisNox · 08/08/2019 18:11

You need to go home.

Your knee is the hardest joint in your body to dislocate: it really is EXCRUCIATINGLY painful even after it's put back. Is she in a knee brace?

It's a shame but it's one of those things.

Get her home, make her as comfortable as possible and make sure she has plenty of painkillers and strict rest. It might be worth getting the GP to do a home visit just to make sure it's put back properly and it's good to give them a heads up anyway.

You can always organize some days out at a later stage.

Poor kid. Hope she feels better ASAP.

RubbingHimSourly · 08/08/2019 18:18

If you're only 3 hours away I'd take her home tonight to stay with family if possible ?? Then return to continue the holiday for the younger two.

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