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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to end our holiday early and fetch everyone home?

123 replies

Fraught1 · 07/08/2019 11:55

I am a lone parent to four DC. We are staying in a caravan miles from anywhere. Yesterday dd1 who is 15 dislocated her knee cap. After a surprisingly quick A&E visit she was discharged with strict advice to rest.
The problem is the caravan is tiny and I'm terrified of her tripping and injuring herself again. She is in lots of pain and I don't feel comfortable leaving her while I entertain the other DC. The holiday has turned into a nightmare tbh and all dd1 wants to do is go home (understandably).

Is it unreasonable to cut short the holiday? The younger two will be so disappointed but I am really struggling to cope.

OP posts:

UrsulaPandress · 07/08/2019 13:30

Your poor dd. I dislocated mine when I was 13 and was sent home with crutches, but as I put my full weight on it to get up the steps I tore the ligaments above and below and ended up having an operation and being in plaster for 6 weeks.

I'd be tempted to stay as she is on one level and can hopefully rest up and I'd rather that than be squished in a car.

Is there a pharmacy nearby where you could get some advice on supports of some sort? I'm surprised they sent her home with nothing.

ElizaDee · 07/08/2019 13:30

@Fraught1 Wed 07-Aug-19 12:08:53
No knee brace or any support. Just told to rest and not move unless necessary.

So all she can do is sit on the sofa. She can do that equally well at home or on holiday. I wouldn't ruin the younger kids holiday in those circumstances.

Get her a few books and she'll have to make do with normal TV.

senua · 07/08/2019 13:31

Have one, last, really good day with the younger ones and then go home. I have heard that the forecast is not good going into the weekend.

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/08/2019 13:48

I would try and stay til Saturday tbh. The drive will be horrendous. If you’ve given her alternating cocodamol and ibuprofen at max dose for 3 days her pain will be more manageable as she will have built up the pain killers in her system a little.

Alternatively if she really insists on going, do you have loving non working aunts / uncles or grandparents, who could look after your dd? Perhaps one of them could collect your dd or you could drop her off this evening come back tomorrow? Obviously with the promise you will do something special with her once her knee has recovered.

Wheel chair hire sounds good.

crazydiamond222 · 07/08/2019 13:58

Have you checked the weather forecast for Friday/Saturday? Not sure where you are but the south and west of England in particular looks horrible and not good weather to either stay in a caravan or drive in. I would be tempted to drive home on Thursday.

UrsulaPandress · 07/08/2019 14:01

I love being in a caravan in bad weather...

julia3006 · 07/08/2019 14:10

It is strange that 15 year old thinks it is ok to ask everyone to cancel a family holiday which is only one week long because of this injury. My daughter was 14 when she broke her leg on the second day of our vacation in Greece, and first thing she told me was “don’t even think of cancelling our stay, i’ll be fine” so that her 6 year old brother and me could have some good time at the sea. She was stuck in our room with no internet, but occupied herself with tv and books in the mornings, and we spent afternoons together and she never complained. If this was a long waited vacation, and there is no bad developments to her injury, I think she can survive.

Labrodite · 07/08/2019 14:13

Ouch, bless her.

I had a leg injury recently and I would be worried about her doing a three hour car journey.

I know from experience that when the car brakes, for example, it will likely put pressure on her leg and cause pain.

It also really needs to be elevated.

AngelasAshes · 07/08/2019 14:19

Travel insurance? If you have it, you can go home and get refund to use for later holiday.

Belfield · 07/08/2019 14:24

i'd stay for your other children. It is annoying for DD to have a broken kneecap but it is not like it will magically get better when she is home. She will still be uncomfortable at home. I'd head out more to give her space and accommodate as much as possible but I don't think it is fair on your other DC to up and leave. I'd give her a final answer on it also so that she doesn't moan excessively which will ruin it for the others. it is a no win situation really but younger children should take priority in my view.15 is heading into adulthood and the harsh realities of life unfortunately!

C8H10N4O2 · 07/08/2019 14:26

So all she can do is sit on the sofa. She can do that equally well at home or on holiday

Yes and having had similar injury in the past don't underestimate the problems of 3 hrs in the car. No ideal solution to this one.

At the least I'd put the decision off simply to allow time for the pain to subside/stabilise and definitely ask the Pharmacist about a knee brace and additional pain relief. In the mean time do whatever you can to mitigate with books/magazine, TV, extra phone credit etc.

Riddleofthesands · 07/08/2019 14:38

Poor DD and poor you. You are getting a real mix of answers too which must add to your confusion. I feel very sorry for you all. Ultimately I think your DD1’s instinct is correct.

If it were me and my family I would come home.

Less likely of accidental bumping of knee in familiar surroundings and more space. DD could have a room to herself.

Easier to get a second opinion or medical advice at home.

Neighbours, friends, family could help with younger children.

I would expect rest of family to understand the injured child gets priority. Ease the disappointment with promise of takeaway or some treats when you are settled.

For the car journey I would drive more slowly where possible, give her front seat, blanket, pain relief.

browzingss · 07/08/2019 14:42

Go home, her needs are the most important right now. She’s trying to heal her dislocated knee, and sorry but a caravan in the middle of nowhere isn’t the best place for her. It’s telling that she’s already asked you to go home. At least at home she’ll be more comfortable, have WiFi, her own room etc and not be left in the caravan alone whilst you take the others out.

browzingss · 07/08/2019 14:44

How old are the others?

Lobeliablue · 07/08/2019 14:45

That’s such a shame, but I think I’d go home to be honest

Honeyroar · 07/08/2019 14:46

The pain will probably fade slightly more each day, so going home on Saturday would be less painful for her. I can understand why she wants to go home, it must be dreadfully boring for her not being able to do any activities with you all, but if the others are enjoying it and it's a long awaited, gifted holiday it really is perhaps best to try and stay at least a day or two more. The weather warning could be another reason to leave a little early.

Poor thing. I hope she feels better soon.

TheStuffedPenguin · 07/08/2019 14:48

She's 15 - she needs to woman up and think of her siblings and you . They are very selfish at that age.

Chakano · 07/08/2019 14:53

Aw, I'd say go home and have time together as a family there.
you can find lots to do that won't cost much, let dd knee mend and have a great day out somewhere, or just a family picnic somewhere.

jennymanara · 07/08/2019 15:02

The reality is though it is better for the DD to wait and not travel home until she needs to. I suspect those saying to go home have no idea how painful this car drive will be at the moment.

W0rriedMum · 07/08/2019 15:07

Can you keep the bed up in the caravan for DD1?
I would stick it out to Friday and tell DD that it's not recommended she sits in a car so soon for 3 hours. Then I'd do shortish trips out with the younger kids.
If you can afford it, I would take every shortcut going - fish and chip suppers, sandwiches from a cheap supermarket etc. You're doing well just to get through this week.

Original poster

Fraught1 · 07/08/2019 15:23

For those asking about our house, we have a downstairs bathroom with shower and she could even sleep on the sofa so no need to go upstairs. Also at home, I can get a neighbour to keep an eye while I entertain the youngest. And there is WiFi.
I am back at work next week so DD may end up having to stay with her gran until she is back on her feet.

I've checked the weather and Fri and Saturday are not great here. I still worried about her sitting in the car for three hours. There is no possible way of doing it so her leg is raised all that time.

OP posts:

BeyondMyWits · 07/08/2019 15:31

Would remain on holiday.

Has it happened before? Be aware that it may happen again, and that it is just as likely to happen with the other kneecap.

It is a "thing" I'm afraid - especially in teenage girls with long legs. DD 17 has had 4 dislocations over the last 2 years. Her leg was almost ruined by putting it in a brace for a week the first time - the muscle was depleted and it caused all sorts of troubles. Straight is wrong too - it should have an angle - do not encourage her to keep her leg straight Elevation (keeping knee slightly bent) and ice with painkillers and rest - for a few days, not lengthy rest (that would do more harm than good) - no supports are needed - some are harmful.

We went to a private physio in the end (1 day wait as opposed to 7 WEEKS for urgent referral) who has given exercises to support the knee, and the correct way to relocate it if it slips out again - she did this once after her last occurrence - merely standing on tiptoes to reach a tin on top of the kitchen cupboard.

She has been told that this can continue until age 24-26 when supporting structures start to stiffen, and the best thing to do is rest for a few days, then continue strengthening exercises in the large muscles of the leg and bum.

Hope she is recovering well - she will be shaky for a while and not want to trust it - that is normal - but she needs to be encouraged to move and bend it for her future joint health.

TimeForNewStart · 07/08/2019 15:55

Does the 15 year old normally file the roost? Seems to me like she is being v selfish. I would get her some good books, magazines etc and expect her to put a brave face on it for the sake of the 4 other people affected.

Original poster

Fraught1 · 07/08/2019 15:59

Thank you beyond for your sharing your experiences. Did has never experienced this before (nor have I) so it all new and a bit scary to say the least. DD says her knee keeps making popping noises and also stings a lot. She is resting with it slightly bent at the knee. It is fairly swollen still.

OP posts:

Isatis · 07/08/2019 16:14

If she can't bend the leg, realistically she can't travel home yet anyway, can she?

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