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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH and my ESA / PIP

47 replies

user87382294757 · 06/08/2019 15:29

I have health problems and I get these benefits ESA / PIP for them. DH doesn't like it and keeps telling me I should 'get a job'.

But when I applied, well they put me in the 'support group' telling me I do not need to look for work and said I did not need assessed again for years. Which is all a bit demoralising but also a bit of a relief as it is not easy applying for these things.

I am starting to think he is a bit jealous of me having this extra income to myself. While he has to work.

I mean, I would like to work, maybe not now but in future, I have a degree and used to earn quite good money in teaching and a civil service job. Bit no-one wants health problems to come along, and realistically i would only be able to do something part time now, probably.

You can do a little bit of work called permitted work, but I think if you do that, they (Atos / DWP) would swiftly take the ESA / PIP away. So it is either staying as it is or being cut off completely and depending on being able to earn similar in a job.

And i feel cross and upset he seems to think I am 'being lazy' - they don't give these benefits willy nilly, think he is in denial about my health. And has this attitude you should just sort of battle on even if it makes you worse (bit of a workaholic).

AIBU or should I try and just get off these benefits even though it is ages till the next assessment or at least try to apply for a job to keep him happy?

They are NI cont related to not means tested so make no difference to his earnings, and I worry once off them might be hard to re-apply again. there is some kind of linking rule - 12 weeks or so, where you can try and if it doesn't work out put you straight back on it (ESA anyway) again- but I am wary of DWP, and don't trust this. PIP would probably be taken if I tried anything also.

Sorry to sound so negative about it but it is just the way they are. So much for helping people into work, more like putting the rug from under you.

OP posts:

MoccaIceCream · 06/08/2019 15:45

you can do a little bit of work called permitted work, but I think if you do that, they (Atos / DWP) would swiftly take the ESA / PIP away

Pip has nothing to do with work or not working. many people only manage to hold down a job because the receive pip.

As for ESA, can you work or not? I know you have been placed in the support group but your post reads as if you would be able to manage a part time role... which one?

ravenshope · 06/08/2019 15:45

Your issue here is your DP and his lack of empathy, I think.

NoBaggyPants · 06/08/2019 15:47

Do you feel that you are able to do some work?

Do you contribute to the household finances?

Groovee · 06/08/2019 15:49

You can work and still claim PIP!

ESA allows you to do permitted work as my friend works 2 half days and it's really turned things around for her. You'd be better off investigating it properly than writing it off.

TheQueef · 06/08/2019 15:49

He does sound jealous.
Does he not understand your illness or not want to understand it?

HJWT2 · 06/08/2019 15:55

What is wrong with you? Is it physical or mental?

Do you help towards the bills or is it all on DH?

BloomingHydrangea · 06/08/2019 16:22

I am starting to think he is a bit jealous of me having this extra income to myself. While he has to work.

Isn't all money family money?

GibbonLover · 06/08/2019 16:47

I am starting to think he is a bit jealous of me having this extra income to myself. While he has to work

What, you don't contribute any of your income to the household? Jesus Christ, no wonder he's telling you to get a job! This is coming from someone who claims ESA and PIP herself and puts the lot in 'the pot' along with DH's income.

KOKOagainandagain · 06/08/2019 16:47

Wow! Assessors for PIP/ESA are infamous for their lack of empathy and for arguing that people can get paid employment when this clearly isn't the case but your husband is even more harsh! Does his attitude include all disabled or is it reserved for you?

PIP can be claimed whilst working but as it is need based, your score may be affected if the need is not clear cut.

ESA without a requirement to seek work (support group) is a recognition that paid work is almost impossible to find at the present time. It is limited in terms of savings etc.

OP will be contributing to family finances to roughly the same extent that a healthy/non-disabled person working f/t on minimum wage would be. Is this good enough for it not to be all on her husband?

OP do not listen to arguments from your DH or PP that equate paid work and worthiness. Look at your husband. He works but he seems to have shitty beliefs.

Focus on yourself and what you want. Do you want to try and find work now or are you thinking of doing this so he won't be as horrid to you? Would he be any less horrid if you tried but didn't get a job or got a job that he didn't think was worthwhile, or didn't pay enough etc etc. Is he just looking for an excuse to be horrid to you?

KOKOagainandagain · 06/08/2019 16:58

Whilst ESA should go in the pot, DLA is specifically for extra costs relating to the disability. So taxis if can't use public transport or drive, therapy, gym, household only if costs are specifically increased - special diet or extra CH etc.

Otherwise DLA/PIP can be swallowed up in normal costs and the disabled person does not directly benefit from benefit meant to benefit them directly. DLA/PIP is not means tested - it is based on need - not family financial need but individual physical need and should go to the individual assessed as needing it.

I can't believe that PP think DLA/PIP is family money.

NoBaggyPants · 06/08/2019 17:02

OP will be contributing to family finances to roughly the same extent that a healthy/non-disabled person working f/t on minimum wage would be.

OP says she has the extra income "to herself", which suggests she does not contribute it to the family pot.

The ESA descriptors have little relation to work. You can have someone at death's door that does not meet the descriptors, but there are limited cases where someone will qualify when they are in fact capable of some work. It's a blunt tool for a complex question. It's reasonable to ask whether OP feels able to move towards work or not.

KOKOagainandagain · 06/08/2019 17:32

What the hell with the 'feel able to move towards work' speak? Don't be so patronising.

OP is educated to degree level and had a career in teaching/civil service before ill health meant she was unable to work. I don't think this was a 'feeling'. Her husband is making shitty remarks and making her feel inadequate.

Marriedwithchildren5 · 06/08/2019 18:07

I can't imagine a situation where my dh has more money than me and he's on 3 times what I make. Money goes into our account. Bill's go out and what's left is our money.

Sounds like you've both stopped caring or liking each other.

KOKOagainandagain · 06/08/2019 18:33

A situation where one family member has ring fenced income is when that person receives DLA/PIP based on their individual needs.

This money is paid by the state based on rigorous assessment of the individual claimant and is not for non-disabled relatives who have no needs.

Coffeeandcherrypie · 06/08/2019 18:38

How are you all set up financially? What are you spending the PIP on?

KOKOagainandagain · 06/08/2019 18:53

My adult son receives PIP and ESA. It is paid to me and I administer it. This is a serious legal responsibility. It is not my money or family money, it is his.

We are by no means wealthy and could easily spend it but this would be wrong - if not theft from a vulnerable person.

To all those advocating that disability benefits should go in the family pot (not 'normal' ESA) rather than directly to the claimant - how is this not benefit fraud?

If there is enough money left over for extra costs relating to the disability, why do you need the DLA/PIP in the first place?

NoBaggyPants · 06/08/2019 18:57

To all those advocating that disability benefits should go in the family pot (not 'normal' ESA) rather than directly to the claimant - how is this not benefit fraud?

There's nothing in law that states how PIP must be used.

You're getting very worked up over this. Why not wait until the OP explains what she does with her benefit income, rather than making assumptions?

KOKOagainandagain · 06/08/2019 19:01

Thank you for your concern but I am not getting worked up and OP does not have to give any information of how she spends her disability benefit.

I think you might find morals indicative of how disability benefits are used.

HTH

MoccaIceCream · 06/08/2019 19:03

To all those advocating that disability benefits should go in the family pot (not 'normal' ESA) rather than directly to the claimant - how is this not benefit fraud?

of course it is normal to go to the family pot. DD is severely disabled and receives DLA and every single penny goes to the family pot. I had to reduce work drastically as we cannot access childcare. we have no option but to use her DLA to pay rent and food bills. we couldn't afford it otherwise. What are we supposed to do? put it in a savings account and become homeless instead?

NoBaggyPants · 06/08/2019 19:04

Just checked, apart from school dinners OP makes no contribution to the family finances.

Utter pisstake.

HJWT2 · 06/08/2019 19:05

Just checked, apart from school dinners OP makes no contribution to the family finances.

No wonder her DH wants her to get a job...

KOKOagainandagain · 06/08/2019 19:13

This is part of being an advocate - when DC are younger DLA may be paid into the family pot to pay for family costs but when they are older and receive PIP the money may be needed to enable greater independence. The wider family can't then be reliant on disability benefits as this can inhibit the independence that the benefit is supposed to fund.

butterflywings37 · 06/08/2019 19:20

PIP and ESA are for the claimant and their costs for daily living - this includes towards utility, food, travel, clothes costs etc so of course some will go in the family pot.
Otherwise the family are paying all
Living and day to day costs whilst the claimant keeps all money.

OP I am not surprised your husband feels as he does - your money should be going towards household costs as a wage would - not keeping it To yourself!

HJWT2 · 06/08/2019 19:22

@KeepOnKeepingOnAgainandAgain ESA is to pay your bills / daily living, PIP is for your disability needs hence why you get more than more severe the problems are...

DurexCertified · 06/08/2019 19:38

Option 1) unlimited potential to earn whatever you can and progress as far as you can with fine health.

Option 2) monthly income sub 1k that you will have to fight tooth and nail for whilst having a sword of Damocles hanging over you that at regular intervals the DWP (disability work program of department for work and rejections) and their agents (don't give) ATOS will lie, trick, mipresent and hoodwink you into tripping yourself up so you lose it. Your health is also shot and you cannot progress your career.

You picked number 1 didn't you? Lucky you so anyone who picked number 1 would need to look after their OH who was given number 2.

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