DH and my ESA / PIP

[user87382294757]

I have health problems and I get these benefits ESA / PIP for them. DH doesn't like it and keeps telling me I should 'get a job'.

But when I applied, well they put me in the 'support group' telling me I do not need to look for work and said I did not need assessed again for years. Which is all a bit demoralising but also a bit of a relief as it is not easy applying for these things.

I am starting to think he is a bit jealous of me having this extra income to myself. While he has to work.

I mean, I would like to work, maybe not now but in future, I have a degree and used to earn quite good money in teaching and a civil service job. Bit no-one wants health problems to come along, and realistically i would only be able to do something part time now, probably.

You can do a little bit of work called permitted work, but I think if you do that, they (Atos / DWP) would swiftly take the ESA / PIP away. So it is either staying as it is or being cut off completely and depending on being able to earn similar in a job.

And i feel cross and upset he seems to think I am 'being lazy' - they don't give these benefits willy nilly, think he is in denial about my health. And has this attitude you should just sort of battle on even if it makes you worse (bit of a workaholic).

AIBU or should I try and just get off these benefits even though it is ages till the next assessment or at least try to apply for a job to keep him happy?

They are NI cont related to not means tested so make no difference to his earnings, and I worry once off them might be hard to re-apply again. there is some kind of linking rule - 12 weeks or so, where you can try and if it doesn't work out put you straight back on it (ESA anyway) again- but I am wary of DWP, and don't trust this. PIP would probably be taken if I tried anything also.

Sorry to sound so negative about it but it is just the way they are. So much for helping people into work, more like putting the rug from under you.

What is the financial set up OP? Is your husband feeling under pressure to maintain a certain lifestyle?

What are your disabilities? What does your money go on? Is it things to alleviate your disability?

For me would depend what you contribute to the household, either a portion of the money or being at home with the kids (not needing childcare) and doing other stuff that allows him to be a workaholic/earn as much as he does.

If it's true that you don't contribute to the household then I can completely understand your husband's frustration. Why are you not contributing? Why is it solely his responsibility to cover all costs considering you are actually receiving an income?

It's utterly selfish on your part and shows your lack of respect for the relationship.

To all those advocating that disability benefits should go in the family pot (not 'normal' ESA) rather than directly to the claimant - how is this not benefit fraud?

Let me spell it out to you. The decision on how much PIP I receive (and whether I receive it in the first place) was made by an independent assessor. I didn't just fill the form in and they accepted the lot - oh no. I went to an assessment where my range of movement was tested. My medical evidence was scrutinised. Someone then decided, using FACTS, how much PIP I got.

Child Benefit is awarded to parents so they can manage the cost of bringing up children. By your reasoning, those who claim it and put it all in a savings account to give directly to the child when they are 18 would also be committing fraud.

I'm unsure why PP are saying I only contribute to school dinners as I mentioned previously most of my money goes into the family 'pot'- £400 towards bills and over £400 on the food for the family...bit strange.

What I meant in terms of my income is that it is paid to me directly, we have separate accounts. I do a standing order to shared account and also buy all the food, school dinners, trips, etc and clothes for DC too. there is a little left for myself but not much and needed for extra health care costs.

I mentioned previously most of my money goes into the family 'pot'

No you didn't say that at all, you just said:

I am starting to think he is a bit jealous of me having this extra income to myself. While he has to work

Please accept my apologies. Do you feel able to tell us what illness/disability you have? No problem if not.

I would rather not share but is a combination of physical and mental health- have this care plan in place and on strong meds plus need stuff like supplemental nutrition at times- if it deteriorates it can be very serious and need inpatient treatment so that is stressful.

It's hard when they write this report and say little chance of ever working again in the longer term, feels difficult to accept.

It is a support group category saying about task completion- something about not being able to complete several tasks at once? It used to be this one about risk- that work would make health worse- but it changed for some reason.

So I suppose could do something which does not contradict this but unsure.

Oh and sorry that was on a previous post about how I contribute more. It seemed like a PP had 'checked' my previous post as they said this thing about school dinners.

Also for PIP it is enhanced care and standard mobility so various categories there, they keep changing that too as been assessed 3 times since 2014 and only just now been given a longer, 5 yr award. But they change those each time seems bit inconsistent. I think it is around 17 for the care bit and 8 for the mobility? I hate the assessments- really stressful and horrible.

Your dh doesn't seem very supportive
Is he usually unkind to you about your health?

Pip has nothing to do with work or not working. many people only manage to hold down a job because the receive pip.

The fact I worked, three days a week with a rest day in between and a 2 hour break between classes was used as a reason to deny me PIP.

OP

Tell your dh to go geet himself a disability then he can claim or if not then he can shut up.

And yes staying on benefits is better than working, financially.I have lost out a lot by trying to keep working when I really should not have,

This is the thing they would use it as a change in circumstances which means they would reassess you all over again and use to to deny you, they are very sneaky like that. And that is the worry as sashh says. I guess will wait till the next assessment and tell him will see what they say and if they say I am fit or not. As just now they keep saying not and referring back to the previous medical reports. I am aware I am lucky to even get these ESA was taken from transfer from incapacity benefit and think they used that info.

DH comes from a family which feels it is bad to ask for help / support.

most of my money goes into the family 'pot'- £400 towards bills and over £400 on the food for the familyi

Then he's a twat because whatever fucked up principles he has , workaholic,soldiering on, disability, not asking for help etc., are more important than his wife's wellbeing and health.

The fact that you 'can' work on ESA it's not anywhere near as easy as they like to suggest is irrelevant. Your problem here is your hugely unsupportive husband. How awful of him.

"To all those advocating that disability benefits should go in the family pot (not 'normal' ESA) rather than directly to the claimant - how is this not benefit fraud?"

Depending upon the nature of the disability it can be difficult to separate costs from family pot. Ds's disability creates more washing, more cleaning and more household repairs and replacement of household items or in making the house safe - so spending of money on things which would generally be regarded as household stuff. His DLA ( and PIP when he is 16) will nowhere near cover all the extra costs.

What is the long term plan? Can your DD live independently?

Given past circumstances I can understand your concern for DD’s health and the joy of living with her but.... I don’t know how big your house is but moving another adult in with pets without an exit plan is asking for trouble.

Your wife is behaving badly but in a similar circumstance I would resent having a house guest + pets for an indefinite period too. It sounds like the reality of the open endedness of the situation has finally dawned on your wife.

Time to start communicating and helping your DD to help herself by actively planning on her living independently.

Oops, wrong thread.

I am on PIP and I think that its fair to say that it does go into the family pot. However, if I do things which my disability makes more difficult eg. Invest in technology/get taxi’s to places etc then I consider that the PIP justifies that.

The reality here is that the monthly amount of PIP given doesn’t necessarily reflect the monthly cost of a disability (although it could obviously) but it does ultimately work out over time, iyswim. So e.g. I might have to buy a piece of tech which costs above my monthly PIP amount one month, but another month I might not need to at all, and as such that money is left in the household pot iyswim.

I am not married and have a DP but he doesn’t live with me.

To suggest that adding PIP to the family pot is benefit fraud is utterly ridiculous.

I would question though that if you have income “to yourself” as you put it, does he as well? Obviously you are both contributing to family finances and your PIP is essentially to cover costs relating to your disability, however you do say that you have extra income to yourself, so I’m wondering if he has any income to himself or whether all of his salary goes into the family pot?

While I think that his assessment of the situation is way out, if his resentment is based more on his inability to ever spend on himself due to him being a higher contributor to the family finances I can see why he might feel aggrieved, iyswim?

What do you mean by having the money all to yourself?