Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I have said something?

38 replies

darkriver19886 · 05/08/2019 21:36

It's my best friends birthday today. I met up with him to wish him a happy birthday and he was going to meet another friend as well. When she finally turned up an hour later she turned to me and said.

"I have been meaning to catch up with you but, not today. I want to see friend alone. Can you go away?"

I was astonished and kind of looked between the two of them. The friend didn't say anything and I felt really on the spot. So she said it again and to be honest I felt frustrated and annoyed.

I just felt like she was being a baby so I muttered something about needing to catch the bus and left before I said something rude.

I am too soft and despise confrontation but felt like I should have said something. I also feel like my best friend of 12 years should have said something as well.

He's a good man really but doesn't deal well with arguments either.

Should I have said something?

OP posts:
etotheb · 05/08/2019 21:39

I would have punched her for the "go away" but as we are over 18 we can now get charged for this stuff.

So I would have said "rude, fuck you"

I know it's hard in the moment. But your friend should have stuck up for you

Don't stress on it, not worth it x

Merryoldgoat · 05/08/2019 22:00

Obviously the person was rude, but your supposed best friend didn’t stick up for you.

If I was in that situation, as your friend I’d have said very clearly they were out of line and they apologise or leave.

stanski · 05/08/2019 22:00

That is SO RUDE!! I probably would have told her where to go. How awful. Has the birthday friend messaged you since?

DeRigueurMortis · 05/08/2019 22:08

I don't think your best friend is your best friend based on that anecdote.

ittooshallpass · 05/08/2019 22:09

That is incredibly rude, but the fact that your friend allowed it to happen does make me wonder if there is more to their relationship than they have told you.

It sounds like she was expecting a date. Who invited you to meet?

Either way, both owe you an apology. If you don't get one, I'd leave them to each other.

Sparklesocks · 05/08/2019 22:10

That is really rude but the fact your best friend did nothing shows he’s weak, not really much of a mate.

AllFourOfThem · 05/08/2019 22:12

I think they were both rude. He should have said something and she should have better manners. I would be keeping my distance from them both from now.

LagunaBubbles · 05/08/2019 22:13

Of course it's rude, of course, he should have said something and of course you should have said something.

Original poster
darkriver19886 · 05/08/2019 22:15

My phone had died whilst I was out but when I got home he apologised. I have told him it's not okay and not acceptable.

He invited me as it was his birthday.

He's supported me so much over the years especially through a really hard phase over the last few years and so I am trying to overlook this but, if she thinks shes seeing me again she can sod off.

OP posts:
dollydaydream114 · 05/08/2019 22:16

She's clearly massively jealous of you and thinks you're competing with her for his affections. She's a deranged bitch and your friend is a cowardly twat for not saying anything.

Stompythedinosaur · 05/08/2019 22:16

They were both horrible! They don't sound like they are your friends at all. Decent people don't treat each other like that!

There is no way i would have anything more to do with the rude friend. It might possibly be worth a message to the birthday boy to say how upset you were and see if he apologises. If he doesn't then I'm afraid he clearly doesn't want to continue the friendship.

SmellbowSpaceBowl · 05/08/2019 22:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Graphista · 05/08/2019 22:18

I'd have said something like

"Don't be so bloody rude! It's not up to you how I spend my time NOR how best friend spends his birthday and who he spends time with"

Or more succinctly

"Who the fuck do you think made you queen of the world?!"

Even now I'd be phoning her and asking her what the hell she thought she was playing at! Then I'd be dumping her as a "friend" I wouldn't treat a complete stranger like that!!

Best friend was likely similarly shocked into lack of reaction as op was so don't think he necessarily needs pulled up for not reacting appropriately instantly BUT I would be asking him if he pulled mutual friend up on their behaviour after you left and they'd had time to compose their thoughts - and if not WHY not?

Stompythedinosaur · 05/08/2019 22:19

Have just read your update - I'm glad your friend has apologised, but I think you need to consider that someone you can't count on to stand up for you is not a good friend. I am certain you deserve to be treated better than that!

DowntonCrabby · 05/08/2019 22:21

I’d be kicking myself that this was one of those situations where you’d think of a million great responses later.

To her..... “Oh honey” smile that makes you look like you think she’s batshit
massive sigh........horrifically long pause with a long sympathetic look at him....”I’m going to head Steve, mate”.........positive but patronising look towards him....”I’ll catch you soon”....air/cheek kiss

He should have said something Angry who the actual fuck is she?!?!

ohfourfoxache · 05/08/2019 22:24

There’s no fucking WAY I’d be willing to see her again. And I’d be seriously considering whether or not to continue the friendship with him either.

CalmdownJanet · 05/08/2019 22:26

She's a complete bitch but sounds weak and just generally not someone I would like as a friend, I'd dump them both to be honest

Original poster
darkriver19886 · 05/08/2019 22:29

I have just spoken to him again and told him that he needs to tell her that I am not willing to see her again. (I don't have her number or anything). I also told him that I was disappointed he didn't stick up for me in this situation but he has before so many times.

So think he was surprised by the whole thing he has apologised again so just going to leave it at that with him.

OP posts:
slt2b · 05/08/2019 22:34

I'm sorry, that's so awful. I'd probably not directly fall out/argue with either of them, I'd just phase them out. Your best friend did not act a best friend to you.

SexFarmWoman · 05/08/2019 22:40

Surprised, my arse. Shit scared more like.
Not my definition of a best mate but hey, you know him.

Raspberrytruffle · 05/08/2019 22:51

Wow shes marking her territory on male freind what a c$nt , but what stands out is your make freind just stood quietly and said nothing like as if he secretly agreed. I'd write them off as complete knobs and dont give them anymore time of the day. You are worth more and deserve to be treat with kindness and respect, please give yourself more value and get out and make new freinds as these certainly are not freinds Flowers

Raspberrytruffle · 05/08/2019 22:53

Oh and give him some advice, grow a pair as yours are bigger Wink

PerpendicularVincent · 05/08/2019 23:19

I'd ditch your best friend as well. What a pair of wankers.

BumbleBeee69 · 05/08/2019 23:25

I'd be telling him to GTF too OP, he is NO friend. Flowers

BogglesGoggles · 05/08/2019 23:30

Surprised no one has suggested the classic ‘did you mean to say that aloud?’ Head tilt