Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel offended he didn’t include my child

52 replies

Channychanny · 05/08/2019 21:26

Boyfriend of 2 yrs. he gets on with my child. Boyfriends brother was having a family meal for their child. My boyfriend asked if I wanted to come. I asked if my child could come and he said he would find out and come back to me.

It’s a family meal for a 12 year old and my child has been to his family meals before.

I am a bit offended my child wasn’t automatically thought to be coming with me. I don’t feel like going now. Am I being over sensitive?!

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 05/08/2019 21:29

Is it a birthday meal? How old is your child?

Pineapplefish · 05/08/2019 21:29

Yes it would have been nice if your child had been automatically included, but I think you would be overreacting if you refused to go!

Original poster
Channychanny · 05/08/2019 21:32

13

OP posts:
namechangedforthis1980 · 05/08/2019 21:33

So did he come back and say no? I don't think you can blame him for wanting to check something was ok before confirming he could go.

Original poster
Channychanny · 05/08/2019 21:33

Yes it’s a birthday meal. The kids get on. I guess I just feel it was a little bit rude

OP posts:
PutyourtoponTrevor · 05/08/2019 21:35

It wasn't your boyfriend's place to invite him though, maybe your beef should be with his brother. Or maybe the kid didn't want him there?

Original poster
Channychanny · 05/08/2019 21:35

Hasn’t come back to me yet. Yeh i suppose it’s not his event so needs to check. Still feel a tad bit offended. I wouldn’t have done it that way round though. I would have checked with the brother as to whether the invite included the child before asking him if he wanted to come!

OP posts:
SD1978 · 05/08/2019 21:35

Do you live together? Is your child significantly younger than the other children going? Are you and your child invited to all family events? Who is paying for your meal? I think it's reasonable to check if you've not moved in together yet. Do you invite his relatives to family events for you and your son? If you can't go die to childcare issues that's fair enough if they do t say your child is invited, but I wouldn't personally be angry.

lastqueenofscotland · 05/08/2019 21:37

Exactly what @SD1978 said

Original poster
Channychanny · 05/08/2019 21:38

Paying for my own meal. Children are similar age and no we don’t live together. I’m not angry at all. Just wondered if I was being silly to feel a bit offended. Gathering from the responses I am Smile I guess it’s not so bad after all.

OP posts:
Grobagsforever · 06/08/2019 07:48

Does your son actually want to go? My mum had a few boyfriends when I was growing up and I loathed being dragged to their events, awkward and boring.

Grobagsforever · 06/08/2019 07:48

Does your son actually want to go? My mum had a few boyfriends when I was growing up and I loathed being dragged to their events, awkward and boring.

Grobagsforever · 06/08/2019 07:48

Does your son actually want to go? My mum had a few boyfriends when I was growing up and I loathed being dragged to their events, awkward and boring.

Grobagsforever · 06/08/2019 07:48

Does your son actually want to go? My mum had a few boyfriends when I was growing up and I loathed being dragged to their events, awkward and boring.

Grobagsforever · 06/08/2019 07:48

Does your son actually want to go? My mum had a few boyfriends when I was growing up and I loathed being dragged to their events, awkward and boring.

Grobagsforever · 06/08/2019 07:48

Does your son actually want to go? My mum had a few boyfriends when I was growing up and I loathed being dragged to their events, awkward and boring.

Grobagsforever · 06/08/2019 07:49

Does your son actually want to go? My mum had a few boyfriends when I was growing up and I loathed being dragged to their events, awkward and boring.

Jennifer2r · 06/08/2019 17:07

I would always check before inviting extra people to someone else's event.

Dieu · 06/08/2019 17:18

I don't blame you for feeling that way, OP. It's understandable.

MsSquiz · 06/08/2019 17:21

But if he hasn't come back to you yet, how do you know that your son hasn't been included?

Maybe the brother meant both you and your son were invited, but your DP didn't realise and is waiting for his brother to confirm?

whothedaddy · 06/08/2019 17:22

I wouldn't have expected me or my DD to have been invited to my family events before we lived together- I appreciated that we were though.

I can understand you being upset but don't sweat it. He was trying to do the right thing by checking, he probably hadn't even thought. Even 2 years into a relationship with someone with kids there is so much to learn and negotiate.

Justgivemesomepeace · 06/08/2019 17:23

They might just be assuming hes going and not thought to specify? Id be a bit cheesed off if they have not included him though.

Varnas · 06/08/2019 17:26

I think it's VU to invite a mum without her child to a child friendly gathering. And where is she supposed to leave her child?! Home alone for few hours or what?

chickenyhead · 06/08/2019 17:27

Of course it could be that your bff didn't check and DS always was invited, rather than ds not having been invited originally

IfThisWasOurHouse · 06/08/2019 17:30

Hang on! Your DS may well have been included in that invite, it's just your boyfriend needed to clarify. Not sure theres anything to get offended about just yet...

Swipe left for the next trending thread