To feel offended he didn’t include my child

[Channychanny]

Boyfriend of 2 yrs. he gets on with my child. Boyfriends brother was having a family meal for their child. My boyfriend asked if I wanted to come. I asked if my child could come and he said he would find out and come back to me.

It’s a family meal for a 12 year old and my child has been to his family meals before.

I am a bit offended my child wasn’t automatically thought to be coming with me. I don’t feel like going now. Am I being over sensitive?!

Yabu. It's not his meal to invite people too.

There could be all sorts of reason why your son hasnt been included. It could simply be a case of, the family member who invited you assumed you would be bringing your son but didnt specifically say it. So your boyfriend is simply checking.

Check your son actually wants to go.

At 13 i would not have wanted to go to my mums, boyfriends, brothers (or sisters) child birthday meal out with all my mums boyfriends family.

Nothing remotely to be offended about there. Boyfriend's brother invited him to the meal and said you were welcome too. That's nice of him.
Of course it would be nice if your child had crossed their minds, but I don't see it as the brother deliberately leaving him out. It was probably just a casual comment about bringing you along.

And where is she supposed to leave her child?! Home alone for few hours or what?

He is 13. Hopefully he would manage a few hours home alone

I can’t judge as not enough background info. On balance I’d say it to worry about it.

Who has offended you - your bf or his brother?

Home alone for few hours or what?

I don't think there's anything wrong with leaving a 13-year-old home alone for a few hours.

It's possible that your son was automatically thought of, but your boyfriend just wanted to check to make sure. Maybe his brother assumed your son would be coming. Regardless, I don't think it's anything to be offended by.

And does your ds live 100% with you? Or some time with his dad?

I agree, you are overreacting. In all likelihood he was included, but it is good that your partner is checking in case they were restricting the numbers for a reason. Maybe the birthday boy was told he could only invite two friends and understandably, he would be upset if your son is told he is coming when they hardly know each other.

Maybe the child was allowed to pick a couple of friends to go along to the meal and adding your child would be awkward, maybe they wanted him to be the only child, who knows but it's a family birthday meal, you don't even live together yet, I think it's nice that you were invited along let alone your child too.

Their kid may not like your kid. We had similar awkward thing where my brothers girlfriend wanted to bring her DS to family things for our DD who is same age. DD came to us and said she did not like this boy, they have nothing in common and could we please stop inviting him along on events specifically for her (like her birthday etc). Haven’t figured out a solution...we just did more intimate Birthday meal for immediate family ( me, DH, DD & siblings). Have to see what happens at Christmas!

Similar happened with me, it wasn't anything bad, just that BF's friend had said "would you and zvjezdica like to come to the barbecue?" and BF relayed this to me, then when I asked if DD (6) was also invited he was like "...I ASSUME so but let me check," not because he didn't want DD there but because his friend had only specified me and him. DD was, of course, also invited but I'm glad BF checked just in case his friend had deliberately left her out for any reason (safety concerns about the barbecue, people drinking, whatever).

I can't see anything wrong with your boyfriend needing to check. It wasn't his do, he won't know if there's a spare place available. You need to relax on this one, OP.

You don't even live together. You are a girlfriend, not family.

I think you are being over sensitive. People check about child invites even for biological children.

Your bf behaved correctly in the circumstances- it wasn’t his party, not his invitation to give.

I do think YABU for being upset by him checking. It would be a bit mean of them to say no but it's not his place to invite anyone on their behalf.

What is there to be offended about?

I would give benefit of doubt and assume bf bro said ask channy if she wants to come and bf said ok will do. Bf bro meant channy + child, when you asked bf he wasn't sure so checked first.

Don't overthink it, esp when you are not even moving together yet.

You bf wanted to clarify whether your DS was invited or not. Nothing wrong with that. It is possible that it was implied that he was invited too but not said explicitly. I'd wait and see before going off on one.

It's not his dinner so he needed to check, nothing wrong with that, if you lived together it would be more assumed

He’s checking, it’s not necessarily a “no”. He may prefer to stay at home anyway, he’s 13 not 6.

Do you invite his relatives to family events for you and your son?

I wondered this too.

Would your son even want to go to a meal for your boyfriend's brothers' son?

Just go and leave him at home, surely?

YABU and oversensitive.

Your boyfriend’s family’s lives do not revolve around your child. If they want to invite her/him, they will. If not, that is up to them, so stop making it about you.