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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is DP about school bags?

464 replies

expatinspain · 05/08/2019 20:52

DP doesn't think we should buy DD a new school bag just because it's a new school year, he thinks it's a waste of money as the old one isn't broken. I disagree. Her old bag isn't broken as such, zip still works etc, but it's definitely a bit shabby. It's a black emoji rucksack and the colour looks faded and she's not the tidiest of kids, so the inside is far from new. I think unless the bag is still in really good condition, a new school year should mean a new bag. My family were pretty poor and we didn't really have school bags, but i always got a new lunchbox and a new pencil case every school year. I used to look forward to it as a kid! AIBU or is he?

OP posts:
NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 05/08/2019 22:25

If a bag is only lasting a year I'd be wanting to buy something more durable next time. Or if it's not lasting because your DD doesn't take care of stuff maybe now is a good time to start enforcing that? Each rucksack I had for school lasted at least 2 or 3 years of heavy usage.

OP surely it comes down to whether you can afford it. Perhaps if DD really wants a new one for fashion reasons etc she can ask for one for Christmas.

Of all the things to chuck money at a new school bag is not worth it, in 5 mins the novelty wears off and it no longer looks new, and it's just money chucked away.

Nicknacky · 05/08/2019 22:26

perplexed Why should I? Just because you tell me to?

Putyourdamnshoeson · 05/08/2019 22:26

This tradition is batshit and why our resources are running out

aspoonfulweighsaton · 05/08/2019 22:26

Tayo it's true in my experience that there are schools where this would not be an issue. The school close to me, the children would not care at all, very middle class artsy intake. But the same children are dressed in deceptively expensive carefully mismatched Scandinavian clothes and outside school there are loads of "frog" bikes lined up (£300 a pop). It's easy to be smug about being green when living in middle class comfort

wasgoingmadinthecountry · 05/08/2019 22:27

I admit I judge. New bag every year just because it's September = bit uncool. Shitty old bag that's faded and dated although functional = very uncool. Hard one to call - I've tended to buy new bags (sometimes vintage) as my children needed them whether September or not.

I do appreciate the power of back to school new stuff though - sets the year off on a really positive note.

Whilst fully being aware of our need to save the planet, I sometimes wonder if we are creating mental health issues in our children through guilt. As a teacher I see lots of evidence of this in some children - others couldn't give a flying fuck. We all need to do a bit admittedly (OP is re-using the bag for other stuff) but we can turn it into a bit of a whinge fest.

As for the person who said about shizzling up your school bag with tassels or embroidery on the handle, just NO. Have some respect for your children.

EmeraldShamrock · 05/08/2019 22:27

We got 2 years out of ours, I try to buy a decent sports brand as they wash well and are durable.
They are still good, but DD is saving for one with a USB charging cable Hmm
Maybe invest in a decent one this year with keeping it for the next 2 years in mind, DD can use her emoji bag for swimming or sleepovers.

AliMonkey · 05/08/2019 22:28

"New year new bag" is unnecessary (though not as bad as "new year new everything"). DD's school specified "dark plain" for bags so that's what we bought for Y7 (Eastpak, burgundy, in the sale) and it still looks as good as new. Turns out that school don't enforce it so almost everyone has patterned/light coloured, so this year (going into Y10) she asked for a new one. I said she was welcome to buy herself a new one (knowing she has a lot of pocket money / birthday money saved up), at which point she decided it was fine. However, I did buy her a new pencil case as the old one was filthy and washing didn't help. OTOH, we washed DS's and it came clean so that's carrying on. Have also bought both mechanical pencils as it seems to be the pencils that make the pencil cases so dirty.

DD has also worn the same blouses/skirts/jumpers throughout Y7/8/9. I did buy her a new skirt during Y8 as old one above the regulation length but she won't wear it (and, to be fair, her old one is still longer than what nearly all the others wear). Have just bought her new jumpers as suddenly got too short.

We could afford to buy everything new each year without noticing the cost but why would we when still clean/working/fitting/smart?

Having said that, if OP's DD's bag is shabby enough that she might get teased, then I'd buy a new one but make sure it was something good quality and not too trendy so would last ages. But would make same decision if concluded that in January, there's nothing special about September!

henbane · 05/08/2019 22:29

Do all the people buying new every year for their children also replace all their own clothes every year?

Why would you? If it's not broke don't replace it.

Blue7 · 05/08/2019 22:30

What do you think ‘charity’ is going to do with a dirty bag, that isn’t good enough for the op child to use? Is it ok for the ‘poor people’ to use the bag, because obviously they can’t afford a new bag from the proper shops.
Charity shops don’t exist to take in everyone’s tat. No one wants to buy that and it just costs them to dispose of it. But, I guess op doesn’t have to worry about the environmental impact of buying a new bag if she thinks the old one is being used by someone else.

The bag I have replaced is not tat and it would be washed. My son wanted a new bag and it is my choice to buy it him. Also I wouldn't just throw it in the charity shop and run off. I would ask the charity worker if it would be of use. So don"t her your knickers in a twist.

Blue7 · 05/08/2019 22:30

Get your

Nicknacky · 05/08/2019 22:32

hen I buy myself new clothes during the year. I don’t wait for things to rip or tatter, I buy myself clothes when I see things I like.

CassianAndor · 05/08/2019 22:33

blimey, it would never occur to me to get new stuff every year, bizarre. None of DD’s friends have new every year either. But then there’s actually no stuff to get, apart from a bag an lunch bag (if you have packed lunches). It’s a primary with no uniform. No one appears to pay any attention to what anyone else is wearing or carrying about with them.

Butterfly84 · 05/08/2019 22:34

Children grow up and change a lot in one year. An emoji rucksack might be what a child ones one September, but emojis might not be trendy/liked the next September. If your DD wants a new bag because she doesn't like the old one, then get her one. Imagine walking around in a bag that you hate (maybe makes you feel embarassed) five days a week. Definitely don't agree with our wasteful culture but if a new bag makes your DD feel good and confident then yes, go for it.

AliMonkey · 05/08/2019 22:34

A question for those saying "we don't throw away, we keep for sleepovers/swimming/..." - how many do you need? Surely you only need one or at most two of those type of bags at a time per child, yet you're adding a new one per child each year. DD and DS are now both at secondary and still using the swimming bags we got around Y3 - deliberately not character type ones so they wouldn't outgrow them.

The Mary's Meals project looks great though for those who feel they have to keep buying new ones.

naneee · 05/08/2019 22:35

Henbane

I Replace everything new for my children every year because I need to but even if I didn't need to I probably still would and that's my choice as a parent!
Life at school is difficult enough as it is and if buying my kids a new bag or shoes instead of them going with a shabby bag or scuffed shoes means they won't get picked on then that's what I will

Yourostar · 05/08/2019 22:36

I think it's a class issue. If you've been poor or are struggling the idea of "new bag every September" is like a way to push on through, keep up with the Joneses, put your best foot forward and fake it til you make it.

if money has never been an issue posters are responding with incredulity that a new school bag could mean anything or signal anything- to them it's a totally functional item which will automatically get replaced immediately when broken.

lozster · 05/08/2019 22:37

Do your children actually need new shoes or do you or the children want them going in wearing shiny and new stuff for the new beginning?
The same with uniform. Does it still fit ?
Is it really necessary to buy a new one ?
Likewise schoolbags and Smiggle stuff.

Yes to this. Not getting sucked in to an annual mass replacement takes the pressure off. A few things have changed my habit, one being having to replace school shoes two months before the end of term. No way am I buying more just for the sake of a new year. Also, A recent change in uniform supplier to a local supplier who is there all year as opposed to the previous mail order company who are ££ for delivery means I don’t feel the need to replace everything en masse. I can get individual items as and when I actually need them. Add to that a lively Facebook pta second hand clothes page and the culture at school has moved from pristine being the norm on first day to presentable being the norm.

Nicknacky · 05/08/2019 22:37

So those of us who buy new are poor 😂?

julensaor · 05/08/2019 22:39

If it is in a crappy state then of course replace it. It's a pity the old military backpacks are 'out of fashion' now. Because they lasted and because what was written/scribbled/ personal on them, you'd keep it as long as you could. the more graffiti on it the cooler it was. The bags these days don't last like those backpacks did.

HennyPennyHorror · 05/08/2019 22:40

Nicky that's not what she said. I agree with them anyway. It's part of the working class disease and I can say that because I AM working class.

You're brought up in fear of looking poor so new bag etc becomes vital.

When you've loads of cash, that's not a concern. Even working class folk WITH money will often habitually buy things just "because" that's what you do.

WindsweptEgret · 05/08/2019 22:40

DS has had the same bag since the start of year 5, now going into year 9. I bought a good quality one on sale, it's faded but otherwise fine.

Blue7 · 05/08/2019 22:41

I'm a terrible person because I probably treat myself to a new work bag every couple of years too.

RoseMartha · 05/08/2019 22:42

Wash it. In our house only have a new bag when broken. No new pencil cases and contents of or lunch boxes unless broken either.
.

MamaGee09 · 05/08/2019 22:42

Mine always get a new bag for the school year. In fact they get everything new from blazer to skirts to pencil case and bag. Wash the old bag and take it to the charity shop.

If you can afford it then go for it,

Dh couldnt even tell you what is spent on each child going back to school.

elliejjtiny · 05/08/2019 22:43

YABU. My dc1 is going into year 9 with the same bag, pencil case etc that he's had since year 7. He'll have new shoes, blazer and pe top as he has outgrown his old ones. DC2 is going into year 7 so he will get a new bag, calculator, pencil case etc but he will have his brother's old blazer and his shirts and trousers from year 6 as they still fit him.