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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is DP about school bags?

464 replies

expatinspain · 05/08/2019 20:52

DP doesn't think we should buy DD a new school bag just because it's a new school year, he thinks it's a waste of money as the old one isn't broken. I disagree. Her old bag isn't broken as such, zip still works etc, but it's definitely a bit shabby. It's a black emoji rucksack and the colour looks faded and she's not the tidiest of kids, so the inside is far from new. I think unless the bag is still in really good condition, a new school year should mean a new bag. My family were pretty poor and we didn't really have school bags, but i always got a new lunchbox and a new pencil case every school year. I used to look forward to it as a kid! AIBU or is he?

OP posts:
xxxCheshireMumxxX · 07/08/2019 19:11

DD gets a new bag every year however her 'old bag' becomes the sleepover bag for when she goes to her nans, friends or a play date etc, depending on the condition of it after a year it goes to the charity shop

demureandgraceful · 07/08/2019 19:14

@CassianAndor but surely with no uniform especially once teens it gets even worse. they will need to have the right shoes, the right bag, the right clothes to fit in. I remember my mum deciding to dress me like the age I was rather then the more trendy items (still all very good quality) leading to me being completely ostracised due to the group I like to refer to as the four barbies... I actually hope for school uniform as that at least takes one of the reasons of bullying away

daisypond · 07/08/2019 19:21

Why do primary aged children need a bag at all? Mine never had one. Just a book bag that lasted the whole way through reception to year six. Secondary school, they had a couple of bags that lasted the secondary school years. My youngest has just left school and her bag still is fine.

Troels · 07/08/2019 19:23

but surely with no uniform especially once teens it gets even worse. they will need to have the right shoes, the right bag, the right clothes to fit in
My older kids never had uniforms for school (US) Even when teens there was no massive cost for school, they didn't need or want name brands, neither did their friends or my friends kids. Jeans, teeshirts and hoodies in winter, shorts and teeshirts in summer. School clothes were everyday clothes. I've found the UK to much more brand conscious, and show offy about what others are wearing, some kids (mine included) had a few bits that had a name, no one seemed to care and it was all treated the same.

demureandgraceful · 07/08/2019 19:29

@Troels I guess it varies from school to school. As I said mine was in Germany and found especially with the German students who due to needing to pay for the school fee without any subsidies came from very rich backgrounds and if you wore the wrong item you might as well be trash that should not breath the same air as them and as vermin beneath them.

demureandgraceful · 07/08/2019 19:36

@Troels I do want to add I can only speak about my experience with girls. It does seem boys did not care about stuff like that too much

Troels · 07/08/2019 19:38

@demureandgraceful That sounds awful, like kids younreally wouldn't want yours to be frinds with if thats their mindset.
Maybe its a general European thing with the name brands. I know my cousins who were raised in Spain are also very brand concious.

Original poster
expatinspain · 07/08/2019 19:45

Why do primary aged children need a bag at all? Mine never had one. We live in Spain. The kids here have a text book based learning system and have to lug a fair amount of text books backwards and forwards, as well as taking their 'Almuerzo' which is a second small meal they eat mid morning and a big bottle of water to drink in the heat as the tap water isn't drinkable here. Also sun cream in the summer.

OP posts:
user1480880826 · 07/08/2019 19:49

Can everyone please stop buying things for the sake of buying things?

Are you aware of the impending climate catastrophe? Producing and disposing of more unnecessary junk is so incredibly harmful to the environment. Especially plastic tat like rucksacks, pencil cases etc.

Clean the bag and start being more responsible.

Being poor when you were younger is no excuse for over consuming now.

Original poster
expatinspain · 07/08/2019 19:51

Clean the bag and start being more responsible How about you read the full thread?

OP posts:
Original poster
expatinspain · 07/08/2019 19:52

Being poor when you were younger is no excuse for over consuming now. Again, read my responses before you make a trigger happy response. I don't over consume.

OP posts:
watcheait · 07/08/2019 19:56

I hardly ever had anything new when I was a child so overcompensated with my own child. However, my child rarely asked for anything for
going back to school so only got a new school bag if she asked for one.

myself2020 · 07/08/2019 19:56

I went to school in a country with no school uniform. it was horrible, everybody who didn’t have the right clothes, shoes and bags got mercilessly bullied. people with rich parents were fine, without - not so much. i’m a huge fan of school uniform.

Beesandcheese · 07/08/2019 19:57

If it is still functioning then it's just wasteful to replace it. It also encourages your daughter to look down on classmates who have their same bags (whether that be because they've looked after them or they have frugal, poor or eco minded parents).

CassianAndor · 07/08/2019 19:59

demure DD is at primary, and clothing simply isn’t an issue. She and her pals seem to stick to a self-made ‘uniform’ of t shirt, leggings/shorts, hoodie and trainers. Nothing branded, nothing expensive. She can wear exactly what she finds comfortable. She has never mentioned what another child wears at school, never said ‘everyone’s got blah-di-blah, can I have it?’. No one cares.

Original poster
expatinspain · 07/08/2019 20:09

If it is still functioning then it's just wasteful to replace it. It also encourages your daughter to look down on classmates who have their same bags (whether that be because they've looked after them or they have frugal, poor or eco minded parents). I'll say it again as you haven't read my previous responses. It will still be used as an overnight bag, as it is at the moment. It is the only rucksack she owns. It doesn't encourage her to do anything of the sort, people are not like that in this country. Unless you live in Madrid or a big city, the majority of people are getting paid low salaries, no one is looking down at anyone, it's not like the UK. Kids aren't obsessed with brands, well certainly in this area anyway as no one has bags of money. It's normal in the year DD is going into to get a new rucksack as it's the start of 'seniors' at primary.

OP posts:
CassianAndor · 07/08/2019 20:45

But Op, you’ve clearly said that your DD wants a new bag because ‘everyone else’ (have you actually checked this claim out?) is getting a new bag going into Year 5. If Spain ‘isn’t like that’ then why is she so concerned about it?

You’re chopping and changing your story. You clearly state in your OP that ‘a new school year should mean a new bag’.

Original poster
expatinspain · 07/08/2019 21:26

But Op, you’ve clearly said that your DD wants a new bag because ‘everyone else’ (have you actually checked this claim out?) is getting a new bag going into Year 5. If Spain ‘isn’t like that’ then why is she so concerned about it?You’re chopping and changing your story. You clearly in your OP that ‘a new school year should mean a new bag’.

No, I said people here aren't obsessed with brands and don't look down on others for not having new stuff. She isn't 'so concerned', she just asked the other day if she could have a new bag that she liked. Some of her friends have already got theirs and they've talked about it. This is all in my other posts if you RTT.

I haven't chopped or changed by story at all, you just came on however many posts in and didn't bother reading all of mine. So I'll repeat myself, as I said, we didn't do new school bags in London, she had a school book bag, she used an old rucksack for her first year which was knackered by the end, then the emoji one which she also uses as a sleepover bag, then she asked this year if she could have one she saw for 17€ with the emoji one being used for overnights still.

I said 'a new school year should mean a new school bag', not my daughter. I have also said since that I will be buying her the one she wants, but will tell her it lasts until the end of primary after taking the posts on here into consideration.

Perhaps next time read the thread, or at least the OP's posts?

OP posts:
Mymomsbetterthanyomom · 10/08/2019 19:31

@nanee
I know right?!These comments are absolutely crazy!!

RedSkyLastNight · 11/08/2019 10:01

Why do primary aged children need a bag at all?
Because in the case of my DC, they cycled a mile and a bit to school and needed a practical way to carry a reading book, a school diary, their lunch and a PE kit there.
... and no one at their junior school had a book bag.

I find it more unusual that an upper primary child doesn't have a bag.

Itstheprinciple · 11/08/2019 10:32

We don't automatically get new stuff because its new school year, but my poor Dd's bag and shoes gave up the ghost 2 weeks before summer hols! The school bag's stitching went across the bottom which meant everything was falling out and her shoes fell apart! She was using my rucksack and wearing my shoes for the last 2 weeks! (we have the same sized feet) So she definitely needs new this time. However, she had a bag in primary which lasted her about 2 and a half years. It still looked fine and worked fine so she kept it.

She doesn't need new shirts, blazer or PE kit this time so we're sticking with what we've got. She also seems happy with her pencil case although I've got her some new pens to top it up. I replace on a needs based basis.

Devora13 · 11/08/2019 10:43

I don't know whereabouts you live in Spain but I'm a bit confused about not being able to drink tap water, as we did for 11 years.
But I agree the Spanish ok no general are far less materialistic.
I always notice on here that a simple question turns into a judgemental character assassination based on assumed 'facts.'
Ignore those as you would as as anything else that is of no use.
Is it kind, is it necessary, is it true?

Allington · 11/08/2019 18:03

I’m interested in the schools where the children provide their own stationery?

We're not in the UK. However, my memories of UK school involved providing our own pencils, sharpeners, pencil cases etc? Plenty of new 'stuff' for parents to provide without new bags and complete uniform.

Youmadorwhat · 11/08/2019 18:24

@Allington we’re rep of Ireland and we provide EVERYTHING for ourselves!! The pic is what I have to buy and cost me €135 and then I have to get uniform so our back to school costs are approximately €200 for 1 dc!

AIBU or is DP about school bags?
Carinattheliqorstore1 · 11/08/2019 18:58

We were fairly poor growing up, but I think we always got a new school bag.

DH didn’t and he was from a much wealthier family (private school etc)