Page 3 | To be hurt by granddaughter’s comments

4seasons · 2019-08-05T16:11:05+00:00

Looking after GD at the moment as her parents... my son and DIL are tied up by work commitments during the school holidays. She’s a great girl and I enjoy her company. Today she has laughingly told me some of the things our DS has said to her about when he was a child. Complaints about the sort of food I cooked for him etc. For background my DH and I worked FT .... professional jobs which didn’t pay well when we were young so money was tight. In spite of this I always cooked fresh vegetables etc from scratch and my DC were fed and dressed well . I bought all my clothes in sales and paid for private education for my son ( daughter went to a good all girls state school ). We also budgeted so that he could follow his hobby and have the equipment he needed. I feel very hurt that he has complained to his daughter about his childhood like this. As a result of his education and his hard work he now has a good job and earns well . I am thinking back about the things we couldn’t afford or do for ourselves because our spare cash was going on our children. AIBU to feel upset by his comments?

Mishappening · 05/08/2019 19:00

I think you are being over-sensitive.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 05/08/2019 19:13

@DPotter the children were provided the same opportunity. The DD failed the exam. OP doesn't owe compensation for that.

Sarahandco · 05/08/2019 19:14

If my kids complain about their childhood in the future and the worst thing was the food I will be happy.

I also tell my children about our awful food, about how we were among the first to get a microwave and then how we used to have lean cuisines every night. Of course, we also had Sunday roasts every Sunday. I recently told them about mad cow disease and how lucky we were not to have contracted it, considering the number of dodgy frozen beef burgers we used to eat. As someone said up thread the 80s have a lot to answer for in terms of food quality.

I do say this in fun to my children and there were so many great things about our childhood. I certainly wouldnt want my parents to be hurt about this because I think that it was just the era we lived in.

Daaps · 05/08/2019 19:18

I was brought up in the 70/80s. The food was shocking. And there was so little of it! I still think my mum is ace though even if I do make the occasional crack about boiled spuds for every meal.

Naillig222 · 05/08/2019 19:19

I think that bringing up the private schooling is a bit unfair to op. She said in her op that the girls school was a good school. Surely people wouldn’t send their daughter to a private school purely because their brother went to one, if the local girls school was just as good/better? Suggesting a cash equivalent for the daughter is madness.

Jojobears · 05/08/2019 19:19

Tbh food in the 80s was a bit rubbish

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 05/08/2019 19:21

I think a lot of parents faced with a picky eater might say "you're lucky- that might not be your favourite, but Granny used to boil the sprouts for a fortnight and she'd serve us the same meal every day until we ate it, even if it was mouldy". Often, the child is distracted enough to eat some of whatever it is, and of course they don't realise that you are exaggerating so they might later ask Granny about it.

Unless you really did make them eat maggots, like my mother did? (Ib blackberries, which she still thinks makes it okay because she cooked them first). But honestly, it's likely there is nothing to worry about. Not every meal you cook will be fabulous and if you were working hard and had limited time then there is every chance that you dropped the ball a time or two- we all do. Try not to see what may have been a passing comment as a rejection of you. If you son thought you were so awful, he wouldn't be letting you spend time alone with his own child!

Sceptre86 · 05/08/2019 19:23

Yanbu but talk to your son if it has upset you. We had McDonalds as a treat when I was little as my dad couldn't afford to take the 6 of us out for it regularly ( we would go to the chippy instead). Our holidays were trips to my nan and aunties house where we would go to trips out as part of an play scheme over the summer. This was subsidised as my mum would help out and we always took a packed lunch. I now am able to take my kids away for short breaks and do, we sometimes pack lunch or buy. I know my parents made huge sacrifices so I could get a good education and job and like to treat them too, they couldn't afford to go abroad then but I offer to take them with us when we go. I will tell my kids as they get older that they ate lucky to go on holidays as I didn't growing up, that isn't insulting my parents just stating the truth. Maybe your son said something similar to make his daughter realise how lucky she is?

Rachelover40 · 05/08/2019 19:24

He may have been saying it laughingly, 4seasons. People do that, think it's a laugh but don't really mean it. Your son has done OK from what you've said and I'm sure he wouldn't have wanted to hurt you.

However, it is hurtful. Perhaps you could mention it to your son, not looking too pained, just matter of fact. See what he says (if he remembers).

janebond007 · 05/08/2019 19:26

maybe he was just joking?

eg your DGD having a McDonald's or something and him saying you're lucky, your gran wouldn't have let me eat that etc?

andannabegins · 05/08/2019 19:27

I see this a bit differently and if my niece was younger and my mum computer literate I would think you were he. My DB is always complaining about our up bringing, complaining about my parents, what we ate etc. We were very lucky, our parents didn't have much but my mum in particular gave us all her time, we were fed well and looked after and had good educations. It's almost that my DB is ashamed of where he came from and isn't backwards in coming forwards with that info to his kids. I think it is awful and he should be ashamed of himself rather than his family!

andannabegins · 05/08/2019 19:27

I see this a bit differently and if my niece was younger and my mum computer literate I would think you were he. My DB is always complaining about our up bringing, complaining about my parents, what we ate etc. We were very lucky, our parents didn't have much but my mum in particular gave us all her time, we were fed well and looked after and had good educations. It's almost that my DB is ashamed of where he came from and isn't backwards in coming forwards with that info to his kids. I think it is awful and he should be ashamed of himself rather than his family!

andannabegins · 05/08/2019 19:27

I see this a bit differently and if my niece was younger and my mum computer literate I would think you were he. My DB is always complaining about our up bringing, complaining about my parents, what we ate etc. We were very lucky, our parents didn't have much but my mum in particular gave us all her time, we were fed well and looked after and had good educations. It's almost that my DB is ashamed of where he came from and isn't backwards in coming forwards with that info to his kids. I think it is awful and he should be ashamed of himself rather than his family!

andannabegins · 05/08/2019 19:27

I see this a bit differently and if my niece was younger and my mum computer literate I would think you were he. My DB is always complaining about our up bringing, complaining about my parents, what we ate etc. We were very lucky, our parents didn't have much but my mum in particular gave us all her time, we were fed well and looked after and had good educations. It's almost that my DB is ashamed of where he came from and isn't backwards in coming forwards with that info to his kids. I think it is awful and he should be ashamed of himself rather than his family!

AhhhHereItGoes · 05/08/2019 19:29

I expect it was more a 'your Grandma made me eat yucky vegetables too!' When trying to get your DGD to have some broccoli.

I know when my kids have said how something wasn't fair I have explained my parents did similar. It may be something similar.

It's fair enough to feel defensive as when you do your best you hope it's going to be appreciated.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 05/08/2019 19:30

You need to elaborate because what you’ve written really doesn’t sound like a big deal. My children are regularly told that we rarely ate out/couldn’t have fish fingers all the time/went to B&Q every weekend/never went to soft play.

namby · 05/08/2019 19:31

It's probably just a context issue. DH and I often tell our children how lucky they are highlighting the things we couldn't have as children for various reasons, and I remember my parents doing it (I remember how annoying it was actually and now I do it ha). It doesn't mean I didn't appreciate my childhood, aren't we all trying to strive to give our children more than what we had? It doesn't mean we don't recognise our parents' role in that.

deste · 05/08/2019 19:37

Anastasia has it in one. Letting her know how lucky she is.

AhhhHereItGoes · 05/08/2019 19:38

I expect it was more a 'your Grandma made me eat yucky vegetables too!' When trying to get your DGD to have some broccoli.

I know when my kids have said how something wasn't fair I have explained my parents did similar. It may be something similar.

It's fair enough to feel defensive as when you do your best you hope it's going to be appreciated.

AhhhHereItGoes · 05/08/2019 19:38

I expect it was more a 'your Grandma made me eat yucky vegetables too!' When trying to get your DGD to have some broccoli.

I know when my kids have said how something wasn't fair I have explained my parents did similar. It may be something similar.

It's fair enough to feel defensive as when you do your best you hope it's going to be appreciated.

Piffle11 · 05/08/2019 19:39

I think he was probably trying to encourage his DD to see how lucky she is. My DS was whining on the other day about wanting a new games console, as the one he has is 'boring' … I pointed out that we didn't have those things as a child, and many of my Christmas presents were homemade. This was in no way a dig at my parents, but if DS retold the story - 'DM says all she got was stuff you made' - it could be completely misconstrued. Rather than stew on this I think you should speak to him and let him explain.

AhhhHereItGoes · 05/08/2019 19:39

Sorry I multi posted. Said it didn't post.

Justaboy · 05/08/2019 19:40

I always cooked fresh vegetables etc from scratch

There you go!, i bet thats what he's complaing about no junk food!.

MaybeitsMaybelline · 05/08/2019 20:43

@irmafaylear ha ha ha, so I wasn’t the only one! Mine was an M&S nightie too, I reckon 1976 or 1977, long, floaty and ankle length. It had a print of vertical apples and pears and my gift to the party host was lacy knickers and a bar of ice breaker chocolate.

The shame.

Esto · 05/08/2019 20:51

Difficult to say - probably in jest/affectionately BUT for some reason my brothers (one in particular) enjoy being scathing about our childhood - the food, the holidays, the ways of saving money. I have no idea why they seem to focus on that when they had a fantastic childhood in a very loving family. I've just decided that's the way they are and I don't understand it but it upsets me if they say things in front of my parents who worked so, so hard for us and gave us so much.