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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu by saying no

88 replies

Seffy1528 · 05/08/2019 16:38

So my husband is taking our 2 kids away for the weekend next month. He works away so this is the only time in the whole year I get the house to myself and frankly I was really looking forward to it. I've deliberately kept my weekend clear (refused invitations etc) so I can do whatever I want for a whole 24 hours. Last week his cousin asked if she could stay that weekend with her 3 kids. Normally I would say yes (and have many times in the past) but on this occasion I want to say no. Should I? Would that be terrible? They do have other options and do have previous for just turning up without asking and expecting to be put up with 24 hours notice. Any other time this year would be fine but just not that weekend. I work hard all week and am very much the primary car giver so was looking forward to a weekend to myself.

OP posts:
0nTheEdge · 05/08/2019 18:49

I'd say you can't as you have plans. If doorbell goes whilst you're in, ignore if you think the can't hear you, or answer door in your coat as say you're on your way out and are running late. Bye bye. Don't get screwed over by being too polite!

Sexnotgender · 05/08/2019 18:50

You don’t need plans or excuses. You can sit in your pants all day and it’s none of their business. Just say no without any reason.

CountryGirl1234 · 05/08/2019 18:52

Just say you have plans that weekend, enjoy the time to yourself and if anyone turns up unannounced, don’t answer. It’s not your issue

WillLokireturn · 05/08/2019 18:56

Another poster here saying it's ok to say 'No, sorry not possible that weekend as we already have plans"
Being at home, dancing naked around the house (if you like!) as you for once have it to yourself , absolutely IS plans. Don't let anyone rain on your dancing parade!!!
Don't feel.guilty as what you have is worth a bag of gold bullion; peace and quiet and house to yourself as a young mum. Your cousin/friend can stay somewhere else, you're not responsible for their last minute arrangements. Protect your space and weekend!!! It'll really help you and your little family that Mummy got her rest!

WillLokireturn · 05/08/2019 18:57

I'd love that. Can I send my DCs to you?.... No... Just asking 😁😆 😂
Do not give this up!!!!

HollowTalk · 05/08/2019 18:59

You will have to spell it out to her - she sounds the type who won't get the hint. Tell her point blank "You can't come that weekend as I'm spending the weekend on my own. Choose another weekend."

Leeds2 · 05/08/2019 19:00

Just say no. Don't offer any explanations, as they sound the sort who will just try and find reasons to get round them.
And don't answer the door on the day, just in case they turn up unannounced.

AnguaUberwaldIronfoundersson · 05/08/2019 19:00

Just say "no, I can't do that weekend I have plans" no apologies and no explanation.

Years ago I learned this lesson when rehearsing for a show. We'd been given one evening off the week before the show was due to go on and the night before the director scheduled an emergency rehearsal. I said "I'm not available, I have plans" I got shit off the director for it but it's amateur theatre and he could cry and stamp all he liked for all I cared. My plans? DH was away on a training course that night and I had the house to myself. My plans were getting a chinese, slobbing in my PJ's and watching In Time and having a well earned relaxing evening!

WillLokireturn · 05/08/2019 19:00

Ps. I don't dance around naked when my DCs/DP are away as a. They never all go away for weekend leaving me free to chill and b. I prefer to stay in my PJ's, shower when I want, eat when I want and go out shopping without having to cater for umpteen adults and children even if in my family. Nor would I welcome visitors (especially with their DCs!!) on my oh so rare weekend off! 😲🤔😁

GoGoGoGoGo · 05/08/2019 19:02

Surely if they are the type to turn up uninvited then you do have to spell it out.

quizqueen · 05/08/2019 19:09

If they've turned up before, almost unannounced as you say, I'd never have them to stay again ANY weekend.

Forgotmycoat · 05/08/2019 19:12

HELL NO.

You would be unreasonable to agree to this. What, give up your child fee weekend to suffer someone else's kids? Nopity nope. Just say, I need the house to my self, to prepare for exams/work presentation. That's why dh is taking the kids away.

Vgbeat · 05/08/2019 19:13

I would say terribly sorry but you have plans that weekend any other time is fine

WillLokireturn · 05/08/2019 19:14

Don't answer the door of they turn up uninvited.
Even if they've seen you.

I once had a friend that kept turning up uninvited and on one occasion, I had to say to her (I chose days later), yes my car was in drive, yes I was in but I had veet on and no way was decent to answer door or have adhoc visitors. And I had plans for later. So I left it deliberately (I didn't have veet on but it embarrassed her enough to not drop by and bang on my door and window again thinking I was in, in future)
(They don't get enough a look in through window, even if your shadow is seen! 😁)
I hate unnaniuncedvisotira and have resorted to.m, saying I'm just about to go in shower to go out and don't have time to stop for for visitors, or grabbbing my bag and getting in car saying I was just off out when anyone has arrived. 😂😂

WillLokireturn · 05/08/2019 19:15

*I texted days later

purplecorkheart · 05/08/2019 19:16

No, sorry that it not possible that weekend. Short and sweet. Do not give a reason or say your are away etc. If she asks why just repeat that it does not suit.

Eistigi · 05/08/2019 19:17

Definitely not unreasonable to say no, it doesn't suit. Enjoy your peaceful weekend!

WillLokireturn · 05/08/2019 19:19

Just say, I need the house to my self, to prepare for exams/work presentation. That's why dh is taking the kids away.

This is a good excuse, a work course. Or you could go with we have plans and you could go with my all day defuzz veet & grooming excuse if they turn up anyway 😁

AcrossthePond55 · 05/08/2019 20:00

No no no! Just say "Sorry, that won't work for me, perhaps another time".

My DH is leaving for a week in just over an hour. I have my whole week of 'me time' all planned out and am so looking forward to it. If the Holy Family itself knocked on my door and said "But there's no room at the Inn" I'd still turn them away!!!

HouseworkAvoider10 · 05/08/2019 20:03

FTS
Tell them no.
CFs

TargaryenBean · 05/08/2019 20:10

Just say no that doesn't suit you. If you're not comfortable saying no outright, say you have friends staying over and there is no room for extra guests.

user1480880826 · 05/08/2019 20:11

Definitely say no

Lipz · 05/08/2019 20:13

Another one for saying no !! I hate people like this, they just assume you're sitting there waiting for their company. Just say you have plans, no need to explain further.

I've a sil like this, thinks the minute dh goes out with the kids that I'm lonely and in need of her company for hours. One time she turned up at the airport to surprise me when I had arranged a short break for myself. ( I'm a carer) was so looking forward to doing my own thing.

pallisers · 05/08/2019 20:14

If the Holy Family itself knocked on my door and said "But there's no room at the Inn" I'd still turn them away!!!

:) :)

Forgotmycoat · 05/08/2019 20:46

@Lipz

Omg at your sil gatecrashing your holiday, what did you say to her?? Did she come on the holiday with you?

This is why I hate surprises, you never know how they will be received. Small ones are fine like a gift or a box of chocolates, but not turning up and surprising people!!

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