Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Aibu by saying no

88 replies

Seffy1528 · 05/08/2019 16:38

So my husband is taking our 2 kids away for the weekend next month. He works away so this is the only time in the whole year I get the house to myself and frankly I was really looking forward to it. I've deliberately kept my weekend clear (refused invitations etc) so I can do whatever I want for a whole 24 hours. Last week his cousin asked if she could stay that weekend with her 3 kids. Normally I would say yes (and have many times in the past) but on this occasion I want to say no. Should I? Would that be terrible? They do have other options and do have previous for just turning up without asking and expecting to be put up with 24 hours notice. Any other time this year would be fine but just not that weekend. I work hard all week and am very much the primary car giver so was looking forward to a weekend to myself.

OP posts:

Jog22 · 05/08/2019 17:10

Say you're going to stay with friends. The point is you've kept the weekend free so you still might go away. If I was her and asked I would accept it wasn't convenient and make other arrangements. Is she likely to continue harassing you?

LazyLizzy · 05/08/2019 17:12

Don't say you are away, she might just want to use your house?

Say you've made plans, that's all.

NoSquirrels · 05/08/2019 17:18

Absolutely say no.

Just explain you have plans for that weekend so it’s not convenient and don’t be drawn on what they are!

Butterfly005 · 05/08/2019 17:18

Say no!!

And if I were the guest wanting to stay and you told me honestly that you were looking forward to that time by yourself I would TOTALLY understand - any decent person should!

Original poster

Seffy1528 · 05/08/2019 17:20

Yep if I say I'm away they'll want to use the house. Then oh will say no and thats a whole other issue. Will just be honest and say I have plans to do nothing. Like I say any other weekend this year will be fine just not that one. When I spoke to them I was incredibly non-committal so hopefully they'll get the message without me having to spell it out.

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 05/08/2019 17:22

Don't say you have plans to do nothing.

Just say any other weekend it would be fine, but I'm afraid I can't that weekend, I'm sorry, it won't work for me.

And leave it there,

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/08/2019 17:25

If they’re the types to show up uninvited then you absolutely do have to spell it out! Anyone who does that has the hide of a rhino and needs a clear “no”.

OrdinarySnowflake · 05/08/2019 17:27

Dont give her a reason. Just "sorry, if it's the weekend of xxx the it's going to have to be a 'no' as we cant do that weekend. If there's another weekend you are free, we'd love to see you."

LazyLizzy · 05/08/2019 17:30

So they are just using you anyway for a free 'holiday'.

I would say no every time.

bluebeck · 05/08/2019 17:31

No just say you have plans. Which is true.

Don't you dare have them stay!!!!

ign0re · 05/08/2019 17:32

Honestly, it's just like saying no to all of your other invitations that you refused...
Except for this one would be a biiig pain on your weekend!!

katewhinesalot · 05/08/2019 17:33

"Any other weekend and It'd be fine. I've got the house to myself for the first time in a year and there is no way in a million years I'm giving up the chance of a child free, house to myself, weekend. When else do you want to come?" Delivered with humour but iron resolve.

If she's normal she'll understand immediately. If she's disgruntled - tough. She'll have to deal with it.

timshelthechoice · 05/08/2019 17:34

When I spoke to them I was incredibly non-committal so hopefully they'll get the message without me having to spell it out.

People like this never 'get the message*. Stop beating round the bush, you tell her NO, this weekend doesn't work for me. Don't just turn up, either, because I'm not available to host and the house isn't available, either.

Coffeeandcherrypie · 05/08/2019 17:39

Yes, do not say you have plans to do nothing!

Just say you have plans. As pp said, planning to do 'nothing' are still plans. You'll be eating, sleeping, watching TV, reading, vegging out - that's not doing 'nothing'.

Purplehammer · 05/08/2019 17:46

Do not say “Any other weekend would be fine”.
She may think you actually mean it!

Davros · 05/08/2019 17:50