To not want my MIL to do this?

[footballworries]

My 9 and 6 year old are staying with my MIL for a week for childcare purposes. It's 200+ miles away, I don't have a huge amount to do with her as we live so far away, she's quite hands off generally but she is great in this respect and does lots to keep them busy. They love going.

She has asked to take them 200+ away to a football match, and 200+ back to theirs that day. These are my concerns;

1. I hate other people driving my children, sometimes it's unavoidable when they're being looked after of course, but this seems an unnecessary risk and A LOT of driving.
2. She's in her 60s (full of energy but just in case anyone was wondering her age) but won't be able to share the driving, will have BIL but he won't drive. She has form for this, they have season tickets and she rarely stays anywhere, insisting on doing it in a day. But that amount of driving after a long day, especially if they play up could leave her tired.
3. I think my 6 year old will hate it. He will hate being in the car that long and will be bored silly at the match. My 9 year old will love it, big football fan, he will have the patience for it all.

Writing it out I don't think AIBU, but interested to hear opinions before I broach it with MIL (she's only spoken to DH on the phone about it thus far) we rub along nicely so want to tread carefully whilst putting my children first.

It’s a one-off, she wants to treat your boys to a football match. I’d let her do it, unless you do have real doubts about her driving ability. She is not elderly- I know lots of active 60-somethings and she sounds the same

I think MIL will realise it's a long time in the car for them and they won't have the best time but I think she will keep them safe so I wouldn't say no.
I would advise her it might not be a good idea in one day and hope she listens.

I dont think

She’s 60 not 95🙄 YABVU
You don’t like people driving your DC? That’s a bit odd, you need to calm down.

Are there any relative nearby to her that could look after your DCs while she goes?

If she's used to doing that much driving and has another adult with her to support with childcare on what could be a tiring day, afraid i don't see the problem??

@Bookworm4 she's mid 60s, not old, but I'm going to guess it's a little more exhausting to drive a 400 mile round trip in one day with arguing brothers (1 who will most likely be bored out of his mind) than it is in your 20s. When people talk about looking after children in their 40s on mumsnet they're quick to say how much tiring it is compared to 20s, so not calling her old at all, but just expecting her to not be as used to dealing with bickering children on top of a long drive when it's been decades since she had kids that age.

I've never stopped anyone driving my children, but yes I'm irrationally scared of car accidents, I don't like my children being in long car journeys without me. Not a helicopter parent at all, hence shipping the kids off! But always been a bit nervous about car accidents, no idea why!!!

@Thewheelsarefallingoff that's what I was thinking of asking her, asking her if she'd like me to find a babysitter for my youngest as I really know he'll hate it which could make the day hard for them all! And then mean less tiring, and less worrying about the long drive?

But it’s ok for you to drive them 200+ miles to use her childcare but not ok for her to drive them long distances?

@Zebraaa it's a 200 mile trip to her house, a 4 hour drive. She's proposing doing a 400 mile trip in one day. So they'd be in the car 8+ hours, if the traffic behaves. So completely different.

(400 mile round trip)

I think gently suggest the six year old will hate it can she find childcare for him and let the 9 year old enjoy himself? It will be easier with one engaged child than two arguing ones

Yanbu. That's 8+ hours in the car in one day? (just guessing). How miserable. And not really safe for there to only be 1 driver.

Sorry, cross posted. I see you said more than 8 hours. Yanbu for sure.

I don’t think it sounds dangerous but I think it sounds absurd, especially if the younger one is not a football fan. I like football but that would be a long day even for me. It’s also quite a long time for DS2 to have a sitter, presumably they’ll leave mid-morning and return at 9ish.

So 4 hours in the car there, 2-2.5 hours at football ground/match including parking, queuing and then leaving the busy carpark afterwards, and another 4 hours back?

That's a hell of a lot for the six year old, yes. I'd not be happy, no.

Has she booked seats in the family area?

@ConfCall they have season tickets and do it regularly, the team they follow is their home town 200+ miles away, she is not shy is driving at all, she will visit us in a day rather than staying. So it's really not surprising to us she's doing this at all, I just think she's over estimated the attention span of young children, particularly my youngest, I think my eldest would find it an adventure and his first proper match.

I'm with you on this OP. I refused to let my kid go on a playdate during the week because the mum had only just passed her test around 2 months ago & wanted to pick my kid up & drive an hour to their activity. I ended up cancelling because I just couldn't bare it with her still having R plates up & little driving experience (even though she may well be an excellent driver) but I am an anxious person in general. I will admit I am a helicopter mom though

@AutumnCrow I'm not sure, I've asked DH to find out if she's booked them yet (presumably she'll only need to book the children's as they have season tickets, not sure how it works!!)

My sister hates football but I took her once and she absolutely loved it. She said the atmosphere was amazing.

She hasn't watched football since but she did enjoy herself. Your youngest may not be bored and may enjoy himself.

She wants to treat them so I think yabu

Boring? Yes, possibly for the 6 year old but so what, his wants and needs don’t trump everyone else’s. Dangerous? Come on, YABVU... so U you’re sounding quite unhinged.
(My opinion would be different if you had any concerns over MIL driving ability but clearly you don’t and it’s an amount of driving she’s used to, is comfortable with and will have adult company for)

I think YABU as she does this sort of trip regularly. Make sure she knows the younger one might be bored so she can take a tablet or whatever.

Yanbu. Your children, your choice. It is a lot of driving for anyone, never mind when someone starts getting older. If you don't feel comfortable about it, make an excuse . You don't want to be worrying all day whilst they're on the trip.

I'm sure there's closer activities to keep them entertained.

My DS has a season ticket and it's for his seat. He can't then book the seats next to him for family - they're already allocated to other season ticket holders.

I like football but that sounds like a seriously shit day for young kids.

I think that sounds really unfair on the 6 year old , being in the car all that time for something he has no interest in. I would look for an alternative for him that day or would she need to arrange that ?