To not want my MIL to do this?

[footballworries]

My 9 and 6 year old are staying with my MIL for a week for childcare purposes. It's 200+ miles away, I don't have a huge amount to do with her as we live so far away, she's quite hands off generally but she is great in this respect and does lots to keep them busy. They love going.

She has asked to take them 200+ away to a football match, and 200+ back to theirs that day. These are my concerns;

1. I hate other people driving my children, sometimes it's unavoidable when they're being looked after of course, but this seems an unnecessary risk and A LOT of driving.
2. She's in her 60s (full of energy but just in case anyone was wondering her age) but won't be able to share the driving, will have BIL but he won't drive. She has form for this, they have season tickets and she rarely stays anywhere, insisting on doing it in a day. But that amount of driving after a long day, especially if they play up could leave her tired.
3. I think my 6 year old will hate it. He will hate being in the car that long and will be bored silly at the match. My 9 year old will love it, big football fan, he will have the patience for it all.

Writing it out I don't think AIBU, but interested to hear opinions before I broach it with MIL (she's only spoken to DH on the phone about it thus far) we rub along nicely so want to tread carefully whilst putting my children first.

Thank everyone, genuinely appreciate the replies. I never post in AIBU as I'm usually quite secure in my own choices but was intrigued to see if I was BU and I have to admit I genuinely thought I wasn't. I thought most people wouldn't want someone else driving their children 8 hours in one day, (I wouldn't do it!) so it's comforting to see others don't think that's a big deal.

DH isn't worried about the driving but is worried DS6 will have a miserable time. Just to reiterate I wasn't going to ask them to cancel the trip for him, I was going to ask them if they'd like me to find alternative childcare for him, and yes other family wouldn't mind having him (as we live so far away they fight over them when they go back! So the length of day wasn't an issue in that respect).

Still not sure what I'm going to suggest but going to sleep on it I think! I never interfere when people have the kids, I'm so grateful for the help over the summer holidays, im usually pretty laid back but this just makes me uncomfortable. Will give it a couple days (as it's not for a couple weeks). All suggestions from leave it be to abort welcome!

Could you offer to pay for a hotel to break the journey, and the 6 year old would probably find that exciting? It's a problem when you are getting a massive favour in terms of childcare, and she presumably does not want to miss the game.

I don’t see the problem here, as it’s a journey she does regularly and is clearly quite happy to do it. Ok one of the kids might be a bit bored but it’s only one day out of the week. I think you should just let this go... she’s doing you a favour by having your kids and it’s not very fair to start telling her what she can’t do. I also think you sound quite paranoid about the driving issue. I would have thought an experienced 60 year old who regularly drives long distances is likely to be far safer than a lot of young drivers

@Gatoadigrado hands up to the paranoia. I'm honestly not like it about anything else, most MNetters would hate my laid back approach to parenting ha. That said my paranoia doesn't stop me letting people drive them, and it doesn't consume me or anything, it's just something I feel a bit weird about, but it's honestly reassured me today to see people pull me up on it.

Plenty of people with kids frequently drive that distance to away games.

She is providing round the clock childcare for an entire week so you should be grateful and I don't think you get to pick and choose the activities she does with the kids while she's got them. The driving isn't a big deal - plenty of people her age drive those distances in a day for all sorts of reasons and she clearly does it regularly. The worst that happens is that the kids get a bit fed-up being in the car, which isn't exactly a big deal for one day. They're not toddlers.

@Banjodancer I could, and would, but just worried about offending her, she never stays over places, not sure why so I don't want to come across unnecessarily demanding especially if IABU about the driving which I'm beginning to feel I am.

Op let her do it. They will run her ragged and she will never do it again

@buttertoasty 😂😂 I have to admit I'm wondering if I'm underestimating her, perhaps I'm just a wuss in what I'm capable of, she had more kids than me so is definitely made of stronger stuff ha.

I wouldn’t like this because I would feel my kids would need to have a break from long journeys given the journey either end to get to her/home again. But then we pretty much never drive further than 3.5 hours without stopping over night with our young kids.

YABU

I really don't think you should be telling her what she can and can't do if you trust her enough to have the children an entire week. I see no issue with that distance and if the younger child doesn't enjoy it, so be it. Up to MIL to deal with.

YABU. It's not dangerous for her to drive the kids a long distance, that's just your paranoia (but you know this).

The 6yo may get bored in the car but isn't that your MIL's problem? I really don't think it's that big of a deal. Sometimes your grandparents do boring stuff when you stay with them. Some of my earliest memories of staying with my grandparents are being dragged out to look at caravans from opening until closing time. They weren't buying one - just wanted to spend 9am-5pm looking at them all. They did this every Saturday. Somehow I survived. They are long dead now and I actually think of this time quite fondly. It makes me and my brother laugh.

She's looking after them for a week, and I'm assuming since she's so far away that they don't get to see her that often. As long as she isn't proposing something dangerous just leave her to it. Seems daft to start peeing all over her plans just because your son MIGHT find a car journey boring.

footballworries YADNBU. Your children, your choice. Decide what you want to do and do it.

There is no way I'd want anyone driving my kids for for a 400 miles road trip in a single day. Nor taking my 6 year old to a football match he would be bored at.

PS and yes, you do get to choose what activities are not acceptable because they are your kids.

I wouldn't want anyone driving my kids 400 miles in a day. I do a 200 mile round trip sometimes in a day to visit family and that is definitely my limit. And yes, you do get to say when it's a matter of your children's safety. Tiredness in driving is an issue. I would offer insist to pay for a hotel for them to stay over and come back the next day.

TwistyTop yes!

why are we stopping the boredom so much nowadays.
things kids might not enjoy with the grandparents.this in the future will be the bet of times.this shit my grandparents did with us.good god

It sounds like it's a journey and a route that's very familiar to her so not likely to be as tiring as driving that distance on unknown roads. 8 hours stuck in a car is pretty excessive but as a one-off I'd probably let it go.
Your 6yo may surprise you, I went to my first football match with my uncle at that age (having had no prior interest and two parents who couldn't care less about football) and I LOVED it and it ignited a love of sport I've held ever since.

It's a journey she does regularly and is confident in, I don't see the driving as an issue. Youngest might find it boring however the atmosphere and excitement he might actually really enjoy it, I wouldn't want him to miss out and I actually think it's a really lovely thing for them to all do together.

I'm in her age group and I regularly drive 600 miles in one day . If she often drives these long distances ( which seems to be the case) I wouldn't be worried. Do the children have iPads with them ? That is the magic cure for boredom in the car for me.

8hrs on an iPad and 3 hours at a football match sounds like a totally shit day for a 6 year old who doesn't like football. Even my screen obsessed duo wouldn't go for that. I would def arrange alternate care for the youngest on that day and I do wonder how keen the oldest will actually be. Is the game timed so he'll sleep on the way back?

YANBU. I would make alternative arrangements for the 6YO.

I think it's absolutely fine to say "Thanks so much for offering to take them. The 9-year-old will love it but the 6-year-old is a bit young to enjoy the day, so I'll make another plan for him/her so the rest of you can enjoy the match".

I can't see how she'd be offended by that?

What is bil like? Good with kids? Bit of a laugh, fab uncle? Able to entertain youngest?

YANBU. I wouldn't like it either for all of the reasons outlined. It sounds more as though she doesn't want to miss the match as opposed to her wanting to take her DC on a nice day out...