Ex partner mrs

[aintnutinchanged]

First time poster (long time lurker lol) me and my ex have had a falling out about him not taking his children as much as he could be so his gf decided to get involved by phone texting etc telling me I was out of order and I had no right saying stuff him bla bla bla, so I have now decided that I only want the children to be at his house whilst he is there (not having her look after them without him being there) can I do this or am I being a witch

You have no say who the kids see in his time.

You can't dictate who has contact whilst in his care.

Poor girlfriend, why is her partner lumping the care onto her. Not her problem.

Yabu and petty. If she isn't mistreating the children, then you have no right to stop her seeing them when they're In their fathers care.

In a word no. You can't dictate who sees the kids when with their father.

Thanks for the replies :) but they aren't in his care as he is away doing hobbies or working would this still be the case

Yabu. If they are with her during his contact time it's none of your concern.

I understand that I can't stop her being there when he has them but what about when he goes to his work etc and it's just her with them

Do you not work and have people over? Should the children go to your x every time you do not look after them?

@aintnutinchanged you aren't 'getting it' - in his contact time, he can leave the care of his children to whomsoever he wants - his mother, his girl friend, the bloke in the corner shop if he deems

I understand why you want to but in his contact time he can leave them with whoever he wishes....unless there is a welfare concern obviously. But if there is no evidence to suggest she is unfit to care for them and their parent has decided to leave them with her....I dont see how tou can stop it. She shouldn't be getting involved and texting you though. That's not her place.

You fell our because he isn’t having the children as much as you think he should and now you want to put up obstacles so he has them less?

Who looks after them during his contact times is up to him.

Feel free to hang up on her though id she rings putting her oar in 😊

How often does he have them. And how often isnt he there when its his turn to have them.

@Enko yeah I work but I'm off on maternity leave just now and work while the children are at school so there to drop off and pick up there is not set days or time when he gets them (just when it suits him really)

@Purplejay not obstacles just he needs to drop them off to me before work etc so she doesn't have them on her own

Is she being abusive or acting in any way that would make you worry about your children being in her care? If not then no you can’t say that. She’s being out of line by getting involved but be the bigger person.

And if you aren't around does your partner look after them?

@sweeneytoddsrazor he has them once a week and up to 6hours when he goes she has them even though I'm here to take them

The thing is though. Life happens and during the time the girls are meant to be with their dad it is down to him to decide how that time gets spend and who looks after them.. This might be tough to deal with and it might not be ideally what you would like. IF they took you to court over this then it is unlikely you saying " I dont want the gf to get involved" will carry much weight.. So you are better of finding a route that works for all of you. Going in heavy handed saying " you cant do x" will just get both of them working against you and that is not in the best interest of your children.

Best for the children if mum dad and any partners gets on.

@sweeneytoddsrazor nope I don't leave them with anyone I am a bit of recluse and don't go out unless it's with them lol

what about when he goes to his work etc and it's just her with them

As hard as this is, you have no right to dictate to him how he spends his time with his children, so if he has a shift and she's happy to care for them, that's between them.

I know how shitty it is when you have to co-parent with someone you no longer love or even particularly like. I know how awful it is when you feel like there's a portion of your children's lives you're not in control of (and I'm a total control freak, so that was hard trying to get past when Ex and I split). But this person is presumably caring properly for your children when they're with her, and she's probably feeling as uncomfortable as you are about things.

The person you're unhappy with is your Ex. You can't force him to spend more time with his DC, as awful as it is, and you can't force their bond. He has to put in the graft to earn their love and adoration. If he chooses not to, let him make that bed and lie in it. Hold yourself to the very highest standard when it comes to your DC; don't engage in arguments or bickering. If she texts you, respond when you're calm. Ultimately she could be in your children's lives til they're adults. Building a respectful relationship with her (if it's possible) will help your DC enormously.

@Enko yeah I suppose your right - he asked for the children tonight and I said yes but I want them home before you go to work tomorrow

You sound jealous and petty. Does he dictate who the children see when they are in your care?

The gf might be pleased you want them back before he goes to work, so she's not having to provide free childcare for children who aren't hers! Go for it!

He might be pleased as now he doesn't have to ask his gf and feel guilty for dropping them on her.

You get to be petty, and your ex NEVER has to worry about childcare. A win win situation.

@Littleduckeggblue nope but he doesn't need to as when I have the kids all the other time it's me that has them they don't get left with grandparents (no longer with us) or partner or anyone else for that matter - all I wanted was for him to drop the kids off to me in the morning before he goes to work - surly once he goes to work that's his time by?

@usersouthcoast no apparently I'm a complete cow for suggesting I want them home when he goes work