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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To encourage people to get back together?

61 replies

SummerNorth · 04/08/2019 14:44

To summarise would you get involved/try to encourage a couple to try and work it out in this situation. I know it isn't my place but I can't help but think they should try and are right for each other....

So my niece (of sorts) is 22, and has two gorgeous twin boys who are 2 and recently started an 'adult' job after recently graduating - the dad of the boys is 29 and in the Marines. They split up 9 months ago just before he was deployed for 6 months.

While he was gone she wrote 'a paragraph a day' about what each of the boys did - since he has been back she has organised days for them all and been amazing with access.

While he was gone, he financially supported them (more than expected) and since being back seems to make a lot of effort with both her and the boys.

Is it wrong to thing that someone should encourage them to be together rather than basically being together without actually being?

OP posts:
newmomof1 · 04/08/2019 14:46

Don't get involved.
Yes they're co-parenting really well.
If they want to get back together they will.

But there could be a million and one reasons they split and it's none of your business.

JohnLapsleyParlabane · 04/08/2019 14:47

None of your business.

FatAndFurious7 · 04/08/2019 14:48

It sounds like they're both being caring and responsible parents separately. It's certainly healthier for the children to have two happy parents who are friends, than two who are together resentfully.
I know you've said it already, but it really isn't your business what they do in their private lives. As long as everyone is happy and healthy then leave it be.

MrsTommyBanks · 04/08/2019 14:48

Do you know why they split up? Even if you think you do there are very likely other factors you are not aware of.
I'd stay out of it personally, and be happy for them that they are co parenting happily.

OMGshefoundmeout · 04/08/2019 14:50

I’d stay well out of it.

InTheHeatofLisbon · 04/08/2019 14:50

I wouldn't encourage anything tbh.

It sounds like they're both putting the children first and co-parenting admirably. That's fantastic!

Original poster
SummerNorth · 04/08/2019 14:56

The weird thing is the reason they broke up seems to mainly be because he was being deployed and she felt that when he was there she was primarily responsible for all child care - but thats not the case now? And they had been together very long when she got pregnant so I think she was just in a bit of shock of the reality of motherhood.

He's a good guy I just wouldn't want to see her loose some one, when it could work...

OP posts:
TDMN · 04/08/2019 15:01

OP, you saying anything to them would be a bit intrusive - if it's meant to be, they will figure it out. If you wanted to be supportive, support your niece by being positive about their co- parenting relationship.

AnneLovesGilbert · 04/08/2019 15:04

She’s an adult and she knows her own mind. Leave them to it.

Original poster
SummerNorth · 04/08/2019 15:08

I wasn't going to necessarily say something myself, maybe just positive encouragement about the situation or maybe seeing if her mum felt the same/would say something about it.

I just find it strange they act like a couple but aren't one? Surely they'd want to be for there kids.

For example today they've gone shopping together, with the boys but it isnt something you'd do for fun with 2 year olds surely.

OP posts:
newmomof1 · 04/08/2019 15:10

How do you know they're not already trying to make it work on the down low?

JacquesHammer · 04/08/2019 15:10

Absolutely none of your business.

Loopytiles · 04/08/2019 15:11

Not your business.

Knackeredmommy · 04/08/2019 15:11

Just because he supports financially and they're civil doesn't mean the reasons they split aren't valid or resolved. Stay out of it, she probably hasn't told you everything anyway. If they reconcile that's their decision.

Tableclothing · 04/08/2019 15:12

They'll get back together if they want to.

They don't need anyone else to suggest anything.

All you achieve by interfering is annoying them.

AnneLovesGilbert · 04/08/2019 15:13

I don’t see why you’d get involved at all? It really isn’t anything to do with you. Likewise her mum.

user1483387154 · 04/08/2019 15:13

seriously mind your own business. you have no idea what goes on behind closed doors

JaneDoeRayMeMeMe · 04/08/2019 15:18

Twins eh?

Have you thought about getting a hobby?

Your over investment in their lives is weird and creepy.

Back off and MYOB.

Original poster
SummerNorth · 04/08/2019 15:25

I only wanted to get involved to help, and know when I've gone through breakups when I was younger I'd wished someone older had told me straight.

Obviously don't know if they're secretly getting back together. Just seems a shame.

OP posts:
Banangana · 04/08/2019 15:28

Find a hobby

Crunched · 04/08/2019 15:29

I think you are getting an unnecessary hard time on here Op.
Maybe encourage is too strong a word, but, by being positive about what a great team they seem to be as parents will not go amiss.

sonjadog · 04/08/2019 15:32

You don´t know them as a couple and how their relationship works. Even if they seem great and perfect for each other on the outside, you don't actually know the dynamic between them. If they are right for each other then they will work it out between them, if they don't, it will be because something is not right between them.

Allli · 04/08/2019 15:33

Whatever they are doing it seems to be working for them so prob best to keep out. I wouldn’t even mention anything, no “that’s nice you’re getting on so well what’s happing there” type random on purpose comments! Keep Schtum as they don’t need to feel like they are being watched by relatives or judged, which could freak them out. It’s nice you care though although this time that means to me keeping out of their business.

K1ssIt · 04/08/2019 15:36

Beak Out.

gobbynorthernbird · 04/08/2019 15:37

There are lots of people who are absolutely excellent parents. Part time. Which is not what is needed here. A full time dad/partner is.
If he wasn't pulling his weight previously then he may not have changed. It seems like your neice is doing all the leg work here as it is.