To encourage people to get back together?

[SummerNorth]

To summarise would you get involved/try to encourage a couple to try and work it out in this situation. I know it isn't my place but I can't help but think they should try and are right for each other....

So my niece (of sorts) is 22, and has two gorgeous twin boys who are 2 and recently started an 'adult' job after recently graduating - the dad of the boys is 29 and in the Marines. They split up 9 months ago just before he was deployed for 6 months.

While he was gone she wrote 'a paragraph a day' about what each of the boys did - since he has been back she has organised days for them all and been amazing with access.

While he was gone, he financially supported them (more than expected) and since being back seems to make a lot of effort with both her and the boys.

Is it wrong to thing that someone should encourage them to be together rather than basically being together without actually being?

Also you seem quite hard on your niece who, from what I can tell, recently completed her degree, is raising young TWINS largely alone as their dad is deployed, worked part time in a shop during the degree, and now has secured herself a good graduate job.

I’ve only read the first page but nothing you have said says that they act like a couple. They are acting like mature sensible parents. If they were going on dates together and having sex then I would say they were acting like a couple.

I think one of the most unsettling things for children is to have parents with on/off relationships. Far better that they stay separated and co parent amicably as these two are.

YABU. You have no idea what goes on behind closed doors and why they split up. Everyone has a right to a private life.

She's never said he treated her badly or cheated - just that she felt he wasn't present (but all women feel like that a bit with babies!)

Not only would I be very frustrated if a relative intruded in my relationship this way, but I would make a clear effort to step back from them as well.

She's never said he treated her badly or cheated

I didn't tell anyone my dh cheated either. It was nobody else's business and would have made the separation more messy for everyone.
You're not privy to the details of their relationship.
I wouldn't interfere.

So at the time she needed him most he couldn't be arsed? Not a keeper.

And, no, most women don't 'feel a bit like that'.

It's really none of your business.

"she felt that when he was there she was primarily responsible for all child care" has that really changed? Do they have full 50/50 care when the dad is home and he participates and engages fully with all the responsibilities of parenting?

And what exactly does

"While he was gone, he financially supported them (more than expected) " mean? I rather suspect what you mean is he pays more than the crappy cms minimum but not 50% of all the children's costs. Do you have DC of your own? You ever been a single mum?

Nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors, plus it doesn't sound like you have any experience of being a military wife?

I'm the daughter and ex wife of army men and I can assure you it's bloody hard!

"She's never said he treated her badly or cheated" not pulling his weight with childcare (and I strongly suspect every other chore at home) IS treating her badly!

And quite honestly given his job it's highly likely he could have cheated too, goes on a lot in the military.

You DON'T KNOW what's gone on because she doesn't want you to BUTT OUT!

Always twins.

What is the significance of the twins?