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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not taking his mobile phone out with him ...aibu to be annoyed?

55 replies

whatajoket · 04/08/2019 13:31

My lovely dad is getting on a bit.
He lives alone.
He is still fit and healthy and gets all over the place but obviously I worry.
He has a mobile and never takes it out with him.
He just uses it in the house.
Today I'm ringing and ringing and no answer ..so obviously I worry.
Have to go to he's to check on him and I have a spare key.
Get there he isn't in and his phones on the coffee table.
I mean come on ..how hard would it be to put his phone in his pocket to save me panicking and having to rush across.

OP posts:
Jemima232 · 04/08/2019 13:34

He doesn't come from the generation who are instantly contactable.

He doesn't think to take his phone because of this.

I bet it was no internet access either.

You don't need to rush round to check on him just because he's out.

Jemima232 · 04/08/2019 13:35

Actually if he's fit and healthy why did you rush round when he didn't answer his phone?

Original poster
whatajoket · 04/08/2019 13:37

I'm a massive worrier.
Automatically think what if he is ill or tripped down the stairs and banged his head.
My mind auto thinks the worst

OP posts:
Jemima232 · 04/08/2019 13:39

How old is he, whatajoket?

Original poster
whatajoket · 04/08/2019 13:40

He is 74

OP posts:
PettyContractor · 04/08/2019 13:41

For most people it's been normal for most of their life not to have a phone on them.

I got my first mobile at the age of about 40 purely because I bought a second-hand car with a cradle for the particular model and didn't like the look of the empty cradle. I never actually carried the phone around.

Several years later I got a smartphone, not particularly for phone calls, but because by then it was the best way to get satnav with traffic information. It's almost always (a) on the wierless charging pad on my desk, or (b) in the holder when being used for navigation or (c) in a drawer under my car seat, when I'm away from home and have parked the car somewhere. I seldom feel the need to carry it with me.

MyNewBearTotoro · 04/08/2019 13:43

YABU. Nobody is under obligation to be contactable 24/7 and as others have said, he’s of a generation where mobile phones and being contactable when out of the house isn’t normal. It’s only in the last 15 years or so that most people carry a phone so he will have lived most of his adult life without one.

The issue here is your anxiety - it’s not normal to be that worried about a fit and healthy person being injured just because they didn’t answer their phone. I suggest speaking to your GP and looking into getting some counselling to help.

my2bundles · 04/08/2019 13:43

My parents don't take mobles out either, most of tne time they don't have them switched on. I don't have mine with me 24/7 either. It's only recently in tne great scheme of things that people are expected to be instantly contactable. We didn't even have a house phone in the early 80s. You need to lighten up, it's obviously not a priolite to that generation who grew up and spent the majority of adult life incontactable.

Chamomileteaplease · 04/08/2019 13:44

He is still fit and healthy and gets all over the place but obviously I worry. Obviously? Why obviously? You say he's fit and healthy!

Imagine being fit and healthy and always knowing that your daughter is going to be annoyed and stressed if you don't take your phone out with you. Even though you don't want to take your phone out with you. And there is no obvious need.

Leave the man alone! If anything happened to him then someone would tell you soon enough.

Maybe if he was 104 but I don't think you need to worry just yet.

PawPawNoodle · 04/08/2019 13:44

This is your problem, not his. You are incredibly intrusive letting yourself into his home simply because he didn't answer, and your 'worrying' is no reason to be annoyed at your dad for living his life as he sees fit.

Go and see a GP about your issues.

Jemima232 · 04/08/2019 13:45

He is 74

That isn't old at all. And you say he's fit and healthy?

If he had memory or mobility impairment I would feel anxious, too. But he hasn't - so leave him be. At 74 he definitely doesn't belong to the generation who use mobile phones all the time. It simply will not occur to him to take it with him - it wouldn't surprise me if he didn't really know how to use it, either (although I may be doing him a disservice here) but in any case, he probably thinks you're an awful fuss-pot.

I realise that your actions are motivated by a mixture of kindness and care and anxiety - but 74 is not old.

chickenyhead · 04/08/2019 13:47

To be honest YABU it's up to him if he Carrie's the phone around or not and he shouldn't have to do it for your convenience.

You could just put a GPRS tag on him of course...

But seriously, I know you are worried, but he has spent all of your life worrying about you too. Let him retain the dignity of choice

Jemima232 · 04/08/2019 13:49

And for context, I used to work for a man who was 84 (I looked after his wife who had dementia) and he went off skiing fairly frequently.

Singinghollybob · 04/08/2019 13:50

Agree with everyone else, don't make your anxiety your Dad's problem

KeepFuckingOff · 04/08/2019 13:50

He’s an adult. It’s your anxiety thats the problem here.

BloomingHydrangea · 04/08/2019 13:56

My Dad who is late 70s doesn't have a mobile. I often go out without mine.

Have you had help with your anxiety?

Gfplux · 04/08/2019 13:57

I am 74. Are you saying I am old?

Aebj · 04/08/2019 13:58

My parents are of a similar age. They have a mobile phone but only take it out if they think they might need it. My dad took it to Lords for the cricket final, so he could call my mum , when was on the train home. They don’t take it if they are going to sainsburys , garden centres , allotment, local pub, their morning walk etc.
I agree with other posters. Make an appointment with your gp for your anxiety. Good luck. Take care of yourself

Isatis · 04/08/2019 14:03

You know he’s fit and healthy, you know he goes out a lot, you know he doesn’t take his phone with him. Therefore you know that the fact that he doesn’t answer his phone means precisely nothing. If you still choose to rush over there to check, that’s your fault, not his. It would be much more constructive to think about how you are going to remedy that than to complain because your father doesn’t facilitate your overreaction.

ssd · 04/08/2019 14:03

I'm a born worrier like you op. I get the worry. And 74 isn't old as such but it's not young either, is it? Pretending being worried about your 74 Yr old dad being uncontactable is strange, if frankly daft to me.

Original poster
whatajoket · 04/08/2019 14:08

I know I'm stupid.
I've had counselling about my issues with worrying.
I lost my mum as a child in quite a traumatic way and ever since then I can't deal with the what if it happens again worry's

OP posts:
Yeahnahmum · 04/08/2019 14:10

Get him a trackable watch or something.
Also: he is 74 not 94.
He will be ok. And so will you.

my2bundles · 04/08/2019 14:17

My parents are early to.mid 70s. Getting on abit would be offensive to them.

newmomof1 · 04/08/2019 14:20

My uncle is the same age as your dad and he turns his mobile phone off because he gets annoyed that people keep trying to call him 🤣🤣🤣

FWIW I understand what you mean OP - even if he's fit and healthy anything could happen.
Just ask him to put a slip of paper in his wallet with your contact details so if he was out and anything did happen, someone could call you.

HermesHandbag · 04/08/2019 14:22

He’s the generation that don’t have the concept of immediate contactability or tracking
He’s been used to going out doing his thing without a mobile phone,it isn’t his habit

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