DH & I can't agree on DS first birthday

[tabbycat985]

I would like to have a small buffet, with cake & homemade photo booth so that we can make a photo album for DS.
There will be roughly 12 people attending plus a couple of babies (all family).
DH wants to use his parents house as it's more spacious but it's also a 40 minute drive which some of my (older) relatives wouldn't be comfortable with. This would lessen the numbers essentially making it pointless to use PIL's house & means there would be people missing from the photographs.
We could rent a room but we'd have to pay for the hotels catering & it just seems less personal/silly for the number of people.
AIBU? Do I just suck it up & rent a room?

I think the important thing is making it an event that your child enjoys - seeing familiar relatives, having some nice food, being able to play outdoors if the weather permits. Driving a long way, or being in unfamiliar surroundings may well result in a tired, crabby child. I'm sure that you have many lovely pictures already so I'm sure that a few informal snaps of family and friends will be sufficient.

Can’t you do it in your own house? 12 isn’t a lot of people. If not than your in laws and maybe see if you can organise lifts?

Just do it at home. Get some extra chairs in the garden.

One year olds don't need big parties, OP.

I would go with the original idea before it gets out of hand.

Sounds like the party isn't for your one year old but for the adults in the family. The poor child will have no concept of what's going on and anything unfamiliar or over the top will cause anxiety possibly. I'd keep it low key, relaxed, in your own home and remember who the occasion is for - anything more than a few small nibbles, jelly and ice cream will be over doing it in my book - but then I'm older and so is my book. I'm sure you don't mean to but this does smack a little of every occasion needing a party - gender reveal, leaving primary school etc.

Your child won’t know it’s his bd, so if you are in your own home, he will be more relaxed, you will be able to take him to his room for a calm down and nap if it’s all a bit much and he gets over excited etc. You’ll be more relaxed in your own place.

He's one. he doesn;t know or care that it is his birthday. For him it will be a day when a load of strange people suddenly arrive at his house and he is subjected to a lot of unusual attention. He will very likley find this overwhelming and tiring.
Be at your own house so that when he has had enough he can have a nap in his own bed while the adults get on with eating and drinking.

And remmeber this is his first birthday - don't set a precedent for every birthday being a source of arguments over venue etc. Keep it simple and make the child's needs the important consideration. Sounds as if your Dh has got a bit carried away.

Have a small party for goodness sake. The kids won't remember it. Save your energy.

I agree with others that this party is not for your child but for you and the adults. A one year old will not remember what you do on its birthday. The two of you could make a cake and sing happy birthday and be done with it. I understand that you want to 'make it special' but you have many birthdays to come when you will actually need to do a proper party and organise venues and games and party bags etc. Not really sure why you are making it into such a big thing. We had a tea party at my parents house. 6 people in total. Tell your OH that he can start organising next year or the year after. That is when his help will actually come in handy.

Agree with other PP. Have it at home, put out some drinks, nibbles and have a nice cake. Then make sure people know it'll just be for a few hours until your DC needs a nap. I am such a party pooper

He won’t know & will likely get grumpy from having folks in his face. I’d just do a small buffet at home & no photo booth.

Ay, Just have it at home.

Having had three babies, I really would strongly suggest doing it in your own home, if you do it at all.

A one year old has no concept of what a birthday is and is likely to become tired and cranky very easily. You'll be better off in familiar surroundings so that he can be settled and nap as necessary.

Have a small celebration with people visiting your home.

Have a small get together at home. If you can’t fit everyone in at once then do an “open house” where people can come when they want over a few hours for a bit.

Hiring a hall for a one year olds party would to most be seen as a massive waste of money.

Just have it at home.

Is he worried about the effort of hosting and hoping to offload the work to his parents?

A one-year-old is too young to understand or enjoy a conventional birthday party. This is really a party for the adults with the child as an excuse. Nothing wrong with that in itself, but I would worry a bit that too many people, too much attention from people he doesn't know well, and perhaps a long car journey and unfamiliar location would be stressful for the child. Of course, you know your own child best, and if he often visits his grandparents and is familiar with the house and the car journey, that might be fine. But I think that minimizing stress for your child should be the first priority; having a pleasant time for the adults the second; and how many people get photographed should be lowest in the list of priorities.

If not in your own home (preferable) then I'd say a room to rent. Seems more neutral.
I know in my situation my parents would be a bit miffed if their grandchild's birthday celebration was at pils house.

DH is refusing to host it at home because "there isn't enough space", we can comfortably seat 6 people in the living room & another 6 in the kitchen with plenty of standing room but he is refusing to compromise. I'm going to try suggesting using the garden as well as I stupidly didn't think of that, thanks @cansu

To clarify, DS sees everyone attending multiple times a week & is generally a very outgoing easy baby, never fussy/overwhelmed so I don't think it will be an issue.

Like I said, a lot of older relatives so I thought this would be a nice excuse to get everyone together for photographs, it's absolutely not that I think a one year old needs a big party more that some people might not be there for future parties

@AnneLovesGilbert I was so worried about getting family there, I totally forgot that MIL, although lovely, will most definitely take over

Then have a smaller party or suggest to your husband that you live there to and he doesn't get to have the final day in every decision. This is meant to be about your child and yet the poor thing seems to be so low down in the priority list that I think you both need a reality check and ask why you are doing this.

Do it at home. Honestly, tell your OH to shut up and let you sort it out. Tell him his interference is stressing you out and explain the reason for wanting it at home (as you have above and in your original post). Tell him what is going to be happening and then have no more discussion on the subject. However, prepare to compromise other years.

I agree just doing it at home. You want to make it as easy as possible for a 1st birthday.

Your house sounds 100 times better than anywhere else. Stick to your guns .

shame your husband sounds like an arse

Your house. If weather accommodating using the garden makes these things much easier in my experience

First birthday parties are for the adults organising them. Babies won’t have any recollection as to what happened and they won’t be looking back at the pictures when they are older.

If you want to maximise numbers then your gaff would be the most convenient. Your H’s ‘more space’ argument seems pointless given your explanation, which means if he’s still sticking to the idea, there has to be more to it (eg his parents wanting to host).