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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Savings for DD - who do you agree with?

253 replies

StrangeOrJustInconsiderate · 04/08/2019 13:08

Name changed!

DH and I are currently in the middle of a disagreement re: savings for DD who is 8 weeks old.

We have already agreed that any child benefit we may receive (unsure if we qualify at the moment) will go into a savings account for DD. However we are disagreeing over whether to top it up each month or not and if so what amount.

Person A thinks we should add an extra £100 per month we can afford this and it will have no real impact on our current lifestyles. Our child will be living in a different world when they are older and any extra help cannot go a miss, they also think we would be able to control / help what an 18 year old spends the money on.

Person B thinks that with any child benefit plus the amounts we and others will put in at special occasions (we are not assuming this is already my mothers plan) there isn’t a need to top it up. Neither of us had a savings account for when we turned 18 and we’ve done just fine. They are also concerned about handing over a large sum to an 18 year old is a recipe for disaster. Person B also says if we do top up it should be a max of £10 per week.

Who do you agree with?

OP posts:
MyAppleTree · 04/08/2019 13:23

Also give yourself access. I saved a few thousand for my eldest and life changed abruptly. I’ve used it to survive.

You never know what life will throw at you. Don’t feel good about it but would feel worse with homeless DCs!

LemonAddict · 04/08/2019 13:24

I suppose your DD doesn't HAVE to know about the account, what's to stop you from keeping hold of it for a few years once they turn 18 if you feel they won't use it responsibly?

My DS is 15 and has an account where the only money paid into it has been birthday/christmas/pocket money and it's currently got about £6k in there. That's without child benefit or us topping it up.

MyNewBearTotoro · 04/08/2019 13:24

If you have other children in the future would you be able to put £100 a month in for them as well? I wouldn’t want to have a situation where one child had access to a large trust fund at 18 and the other doesn’t.

Personally I wouldn’t put the £100 a month in the trust fund account, I would rather put it in a savings account I had control of and you never know what’ll happen in the future - you might need that money and it will be difficult to have it tied up in a trust fund and inaccessible.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 04/08/2019 13:26

Pension fund. It will be of far more use to them at 70 (when state pensions are no more) than a lump sum at 18 that they will piss up a wall.

PettyContractor · 04/08/2019 13:27

In theory you should save in your own name, there's no advantage to giving up control of the money, and obviously there's an intrinsic disadvantage.

Having said that, if whoever receives the child benefit isn't trusted to save it, then putting it into a JISA is a reasonable way of making sure it doesn't get lost.

The same logic applies to parental contributions, there's no sense in parents topping up the JISA amount if they can save in their own name, unless there's a lack of trust that the parent responsible will actually do it.

Original poster
StrangeOrJustInconsiderate · 04/08/2019 13:27

Just to answer a few questions:

We know we’re late on the applying for child benefit front but had a rather traumatic birth and recovering was our main focus until now.

In regards to future children Person A thinks that we could change the amounts should it be a situation where we cannot afford it. So if we pay £100 each month for DD for two years then have another child we could then only put £50 into DD and £100 into future child for 2 years and then go to £50 each - at the moment this wouldn’t be an issue.

Person B would definitely be more comfortable having access to the account ourselves.

OP posts:
M0RVEN · 04/08/2019 13:29

I save money for my Children in trust until they are 21. Only to be spent on things I approve of, like driving lessons and a car, flat deposit anmd education.

They dont know about it so no pestering ( they are all teens ).

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 04/08/2019 13:31

Only to be spent on things I approve of, like driving lessons and a car, flat deposit anmd education.

How will you control what it is spent on once it’s theirs at 21?

KUGA · 04/08/2019 13:32

A .
But also any money given as a gift goes into the account until school age.
Then they can save half and spend half.
That's what I did for my boys.
Then when they got to the age of 18,it was theirs to do with what they wanted.
Luckily they used it wisely and ironically they do the same with their children.

PettyContractor · 04/08/2019 13:32

If both parents are savers the most sensible thing would be to actually spend the child benefit on living expenses, you both save more as a result, when child is adult you can weigh the merits of any money you want to give them against your other spending priorities.

It really doesn't make sense to tie your hands in advance when there's no advantage (like a tax benefit) for doing so.

titchy · 04/08/2019 13:32

Easy to appease both surely? If you can afford £100 now, then put it in. If that ever becomes difficult, reduce the amount.

Have the account in your name held in trust for child. Hand it over when you feel they're ready - maybe 18, maybe older.

Both parties should be happy with that surely?

pallisers · 04/08/2019 13:32

You should be saving extra for your family - not just dd. You have no idea what life will throw you - unemployment, sickness, special needs of a family member. And even if life throws you nothing, no way on earth would I hand my hard-saved money to an 18 year old to spend as they wish (I've had 3 of them) - because that is what you'll be doing and person A can advise all they like but if your dd wants to go to Ibiza with it and bring the boyfriend you hate - she can.

Compromise. say you'll top up the savings as long as the account is in both your names with the understanding that it is earmarked for your children's needs.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 04/08/2019 13:34

If its not a massive amount for you and you wont notice it missing, I would save it for them but maybe in a separate account. I wouldn't hand it over when they are 18 as will just get spent on living. I would wait til mid 20s and they can put it towards the deposit on a house. And it's fine to hand money over with stipulations (eg got to be spent on a house deposit or a car and not pissed away!). A step on the housing ladder can make so much difference to someone's life.

And my parents and grandparents saved for me , and contributed towards a house deposit, and it didn't affect my work ethic or relationship with them or anything negatively at all, I'm careful with money and work bloody hard and am incredibly grateful to them. I dont think being generous to your family will automatically spoil them

One thing, I know it's very early days but make sure you can afford to do the same for another child or however many children you think you might have. Eg if you can only afford 100 a month then save 50 so that you dont need to make a tricky decision if you think you're going to have more

InsertFunnyUsername · 04/08/2019 13:35

Even the most level headed teenager, who understands saving etc would be tempted to just buy the new outfit, go to the festival their friends are going to etc. Its nice saving the money, but I don't agree with handing over cash for no reason and just because they're now 18.

MyDcAreMarvel · 04/08/2019 13:36

I would start a pension for her rather than savings.

Ginger1982 · 04/08/2019 13:36

We have an account for DS where we pay in his child benefit and top up as and when we can. If you can afford the £100 do it, but I don't intend letting him have it at 18. 21 would be more appropriate with the caveat that once it's gone it's gone. I'm hoping by that time he'll be sensible!!

OtraCosaMariposa · 04/08/2019 13:36

Pensions aren't such a stupid idea.

We have pensions for our three kids and have been paying in £20 a month since they were babies. Not much, but will give them a huge head start when they start working and contributing to a pension. And they can't fritter it at 18 either.

MilkTrayLimeBarrel · 04/08/2019 13:37

I think it is lovely to save money for your daughter's future. I agree with the PP who suggested birthday/Christmas money should go into a savings account and pocket money into a current account. I would definitely keep control of the savings account past 18 if necessary to ensure it is not 'wasted'. I wish my DH would put money in a savings account for his grandchildren instead of giving them endless expensive plastic tat for presents! He won't listen to me!

Napqueen1234 · 04/08/2019 13:39

I was planning on doing something similar but my parents reminded me it would only really be fair to start this if it’s something we could continue for future children (if you may go on to have 2/3 or more!). If you can afford it why not, we can’t sadly but hope for a number of reasons to be more financially secure by the time our DC are older and therefore more able to help them in other ways. It will be a different world by then (could be better or worse!) so forward planning is never a bad thing :) we do have a savings account each so any birthday/Christmas/christening money etc goes into there

Ilovemylabrador · 04/08/2019 13:39

I have A for all of mine. Anything they also save goes in there -so for example £50 birthday money -they can spend it on whatever they want -BUT if they want to bank it I double it.

However, bank account money can only be used to buy a house. End of.

sophiestew · 04/08/2019 13:40

It's fine to save what you can now. However, 8 weeks PP you (probably) have no idea if DD will be your only child or if she will have more siblings in the future, so you need to think about being able to do the same or any DC.

With this in mind I would save as much as you can but absolutely put it in an account in your names so that you can control who gets what/when.

LolaSmiles · 04/08/2019 13:40

Neither. I quite like what other posters have said about having 2 pots: one in your names and one in hers.

On turning 18 she gets access to pot 1
You keep pot 2 towards a house, wedding,something substantial so it doesn't get frittered away. DC doesn't know about pot 2.

sophiestew · 04/08/2019 13:42

However, bank account money can only be used to buy a house. End of

Labrador what will you do if DC are not able to/do not wish to buy a house? Will you just keep that money for yourself? It seems very prescriptive to me.

Tigerwhocamefortea · 04/08/2019 13:42

I don’t think child benefit should be given to people who save it for their children. It should be for families who need it to buy nappies, pay for childcare etc.

We don’t save anything at all for our children. We have a family savings account which we will use to help them towards university but that’s all we will be able to afford.

Purpletigers · 04/08/2019 13:42

Save the child benefit in the child’s name . Then save the £100 in another account in your name or both parents names.
You don’t need to “save “ for your children . Get in the habit of saving for you all . Open an ISA or similar and put the £100 into that every month .