To think I may well be a victim of coercive control?

[confusedberry]

I don't even know where to start or if I am. I'm so confused with my life right now

Your mum’s attitude might give you a clue as to why you were vulnerable to this awful man. The idea she would believe your partner over you is mind-boggling.

You must make a plan to leave safely - you are not at fault.

My DH and I ask if the other can go out only to ensure childcare is arranged. We can go out when we please, spend what we like, go where we like, speak to anyone we want to.

Anything less that that is unacceptable.

Thank you all. Perhaps I need to face up to it

Sorry! Didn't mean to post that many times!

I'm really struggling today

I'm sorry you are struggling. Is there one small thing you can do today to make plans for the future?
It can be very difficult facing up to something you have been in denial about.

There are 2 blogs you might find useful to look at. One is called Baggage Reclaim and the other is Knowing the Narcissist.
Also, Out of the Fog is a great forum with various boards that you may find helpful. In particular, the chosen relationships board.
Good luck!