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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU or should I get over it?

27 replies

Imbananas · 04/08/2019 07:36

I live in a flat on a residential estate. We have an interior courtyard which can be used by us all to chill. It is mainly used by kids riding their bikes or playing football and mainly at weekends. This is a quiet residential area usually as there are mainly families. Last night one couple decided to have a party. The thing is that they didn’t keep the party on their property/flat they removed a link from their veranda and had the party in the communal courtyard.
They had a barbecue in the communal courtyard and even their veranda furniture was out in the courtyard. They even had a shots station and tables set up.

Myself and my family had to make different sleeping arrangements due to this as we couldn’t rest. They were very loud outside obviously as it’s a party.

AIBU to think that they’ve gone too far by holding their party in a communal area without even talking to the other residents and letting them know that this was going to happen? My husband says that they’ve gone too far but to let it be. Well I am leaving it alone however is this selfish behaviour to you? Or is it just me?

I come from a different culture and this kind of behaviour is not acceptable. I’m not sure if it’s just me being too sensitive.

OP posts:

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 04/08/2019 07:43

It’s a one off, they would still have the party even if they used their space and the communal area is also their space.

YABU

LadyMinerva · 04/08/2019 07:49

Not sure if there are rules but it would have been polite to give yourself and the other residents a heads up.

Original poster

Imbananas · 04/08/2019 07:50

Ok fair enough but it’s not allowed...the contract mentions it?!
Also they didn’t have the decency to speak to the neighbours.

OP posts:

NeatFreakMama · 04/08/2019 07:53

Would have been nice of them to put something through the door letting you know but I wouldn't be making a fuss, it's just a party.

PurpleFlower1983 · 04/08/2019 07:54

As a one off I would let it go, if it happens again I would have a word.

bodgeitandscarper · 04/08/2019 07:54

They should have let other residents know they were rude not to do so, and you would have all been perfectly entitled to gatecrash their party!

Is there not a residents association where you can highlight any issues? It isn't worth making a fuss, but there may be regulations about the use of the communal area.

Original poster

Imbananas · 04/08/2019 07:55

Oh definitely not making a fuss. I just want to hear other people’s opinion on this. Nothing else.

OP posts:

steff13 · 04/08/2019 07:55

I think they should have spoken with you first, but other than that I think it's ok. And I think they should be responsible to clean up after themselves.

bodgeitandscarper · 04/08/2019 07:56

Ah, just seen your update. In that case if it happens again in future I'd be raising it to the relevant people.

Original poster

Imbananas · 04/08/2019 07:59

I guess I always abide by the rules and wouldn’t think of doing something like that.

OP posts:

Kittenance · 04/08/2019 08:00

If it's specifically not allowed and stated so in the contract (and if you can be sure that they are bound by the same contract) then it would not be unreasonable to make a complaint to the (Freeholder? Landlord? Who is the contract with?).

If nothing happens in response to this, you can guarantee it will happen again, more and more frequently as other residents decide to do likewise - and it will become more difficult to complain the longer you leave it. You need to either kick up a massive fuss now, or accept that this is just how Saturday nights are going to be regularly from now on.

CottonSock · 04/08/2019 08:01

Depends what time it finished. But you may not know if you slept elsewhere.
Until midnight I'd accept. 3am I wouldn't

MostlyAmbridgeandcoffee · 04/08/2019 08:06

For me would depend on the timing as PP has said. If a one off and not all night would probably accept but totally understand where you’re coming from. If it happened again I’d have a quiet word and / or complain to the landlord !

Original poster

Imbananas · 04/08/2019 08:06

Yes I wouldn’t know what time they finished tbh. I can find out later.

OP posts:

daisychain01 · 04/08/2019 08:09

Op, I agree with your DH on this.

If it were me I would put a polite and reasonable note through their door now rather than leave it, because it means you're stating your position while the matter is current and fresh in everyone's minds.

Along the lines of you being supportive of the party they had last night, but reminding them that according to Clause X in the Residents' contract [quote, for example] all residents require prior notice of any intention to extend a social function from individuals residents into the communal area.

Whilst as an expression of goodwill to them as your neighbours, you have no intention of taking the matter further on this occasion, you trust it was a one- off and that in future they will abide by the terms of the Contract which is a legally binding document, as it protects the interest of all.

I think they were CF and inconsiderate!

daisychain01 · 04/08/2019 08:13

Keep a copy of the letter you send them. These things have a habit of becoming precedent and what you want to do is demonstrate how fair and reasonable you have been in giving them timely warning that they were not abiding by the contract they signed up to. It will make them think twice about making a habit of it. It nips it in the bud.

ZenNudist · 04/08/2019 08:13

Id speak to them. Who would actually police this? I cant see landlord giving a shit?

daisychain01 · 04/08/2019 08:27

I cant see landlord giving a shit?

The landlord doesn't get to choose whether or not to enforce the terms of a legally binding contract. The OP can start the process informally, then if it happens again, or if another neighbour decides to join the precedent then the landlord will have to give a shit.

The OP could deal with it verbally by knocking on the neighbours door and discussing it, but then again, the onus was on the neighbour to have discussed their decision to throw a party beyond their boundary but selfishly didn't bother.

Elliebellbell · 04/08/2019 08:31

This sort of nonsense makes me really anxious op. I'd probably try and let it go this time but if they do it again I would formally complain. It's crappy, selfish, anti social behaviour.

daisychain01 · 04/08/2019 08:53

OP please don't see it from the perspective of "making a fuss". You are protecting the legal rights of your family (and by implication the rights of others).

Original poster

Imbananas · 04/08/2019 09:02

I spoke with others on the development and they said that as it’s a one off they will
Let it go.
I don’t want to be seen as unreasonable by everyone else. All I want is a peaceful life tbh. I don’t cause any stress to my neighbours by having parties so I expect not to be taken for granted. I understand people will have parties, as we live within a community, which is fine but when they take it to the next level and they think they are entitled is what winds me up.

OP posts:

franklymydearidontgivea · 04/08/2019 09:08

Before you make a complaint, I would check that it's ok for it also to be used fo cycling and the other activities it has previously been used for. You clearly state this is a couple rather than a family, maybe they considered it fair that they should get some use out of the communal space too, which it sounds as if it is normally dominated by children and families.

Original poster

Imbananas · 04/08/2019 09:12

I’m not going to make a complaint. It’s just to see others point of view

OP posts:

daisychain01 · 04/08/2019 09:47

You sound like a kind and tolerant neighbour OP. You're probably doing the right thing by being the bigger person.

If it becomes a habit with more neighbours deciding to follow suit, at least you know you can highlight it to the people concerned and express your concerns if it's becoming an issue to your family. With these community housing arrangements everyone needs to get on, have a happy coexistence and not take advantage of others' better natures. Good luck!

Original poster

Imbananas · 04/08/2019 10:03

@daisychain01 thank you! I do try to be understanding

OP posts:

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