Splitting the bills

[Pleasedontdrawonyoursister]

Both myself and partner work, he is full time self employed, I am part time and we have 3 children under 6. I have only just recently returned to work following maternity leave with DC3 so we have been discussing how to split the bills. I think that we should put all our earned money into a pool, deduct the cost of all bills then split the remainder so we have the same amount of spending money each. OH finds this appalling and thinks as he works more then he should have a bit extra spending money. He is horrified that now I am back at work he is not much better off than when I was on maternity. Obviously I think he is being unreasonable but was wondering how others split bills with your OH, if you’re both working and have small children?

(To avoid drip feeding... he is TERRIBLE with money so we couldn’t share an account)

EVERY family with children and different splits of woh/childcare/hw shares funds (whether that be in a joint account or separate or whatever way works but essentially one pot).
Everyone that is, except those who are being financially abused.

Wasn't the time to have this conversation before having three children. Why wait until now?

I agree with Seven777

I can sort of see why he finds it hard, the harder he works the more he earns, but then he is expected to put proportionately more into the joint account to pay bills so doesn’t get to ‘enjoy’ his money (nor do I!!).

There is an argument for this view, but only once it really is discretionary earning and your family needs are completely met, choosing to work more to have more money, or work less to have more time is something that could be individually decided, but that view only makes sense for a family if that work more or have more time is a purely personal choice and it wouldn't impact the family at all. That really doesn't seem to apply here.

Yeahsurewhatever - yes, the advice would be the same.
Keep your money to yourself is fine...until kids are involved. Someone needs to look after them. That person can't earn (much) money at the same time.

But when he works overtime, you are alone with the children. How come it's fair for him to benefit but not you?

@fifteenyemenroadyemen

Agreed. This is what me and my husband do - half the mortgage each then a proportion of bills that we recalculate occasionally to make sure it's still fair.

He earns a bit more than me so he gets the bigger bills and buys the odd extra shop or whatever. I've never wanted to pool our money as I like having my own little pot. BUT I don't think either of us have ever seen it as a way of having more than the other.

Whatever happens, he's the bigger earner so should be paying the bigger proportion.

Just put all the money into a joint account to pay bills. If you can't share the remainder because he is terrible with money split it in two and each have your own equal spending money. We just use the one account.

You have kids, it's family money.
Some men are just wankers, and here's a prime example.

Make sure you show him this thread...

My DH works full time and I work part time.

He brings home (after tax) about £900 a month more than me and this amount will soon be increasing as he’s had a recent pay rise.

All our wages get pain into the same account (we have a joint account) and from this pot each of us take have an equal amount of spending money (£400 each) transferred into our individual bank accounts to spend as we wish.

From the remaining money in the joint account everything is paid for:

Mortgages, bills, savings, holidays, food shopping, petrol, car maintenance, mobile phone bills, childcare etc etc - anything related to the house, cars and children will come out of this account.

My DH would never ever suggest he have a bigger share of the money just because he earns more. I can’t imagine being in a relationship where one member is happy to see their partner have less money than them and believe they ‘deserve’ a bigger share of the money. The concept baffles me and it’s not a relationship I would want to be in.