Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To name the baby whatever I want?

48 replies

Namingetiquette · 03/08/2019 20:12

Last time I had a baby DP and I told family members our name choices. My MIL had a bad relationship with most of her family so a lot of their names, middle names were off the table. (This includes deceased people we never met, so a lot of names). The issue with this is the names that were off the table were fairly common boy names like "William" or "Arthur".

My DP will only let us choose very traditional English names and the names I like are the ones that might upset other people due to association. My own mother hates other names as well, because of extended family members that I have never met who had those names. I'm not as worried about offending my mum though because she doesn't take things as personal as my MIL does. I'm a bit worried my MIL could take us going against her dislikes as very offensive.

Should I risk offending my MIL and choosing a name I like? Or AIBU to name the baby whatever I want?

OP posts:
Zebraaa · 03/08/2019 20:13

Your baby, your choice.

Coffeeisnecessary · 03/08/2019 20:14

Name the baby what you like, unless of course she's got very good reason to dislike a name due to a terrible crime or misdemeanour from a family member, I mean I wouldn't call a child Adolf for example even if I loved the name!

Snazzygoldfish · 03/08/2019 20:15

Oh my gosh...choose the name you want! Mine are adopted so had no choice but if I had, I would choose exactly what I wanted!

CarrieBlu · 03/08/2019 20:15

Your baby, your choice.

^ This.

NoSauce · 03/08/2019 20:16

Depends. MILs exH who was an abusive twat called James then I’d be upset in her shoes if you called your baby that.

What’s the association?

flouncyfanny · 03/08/2019 20:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Namingetiquette · 03/08/2019 20:16

Name the baby what you like, unless of course she's got very good reason to dislike a name due to a terrible crime or misdemeanour from a family member, I mean I wouldn't call a child Adolf for example even if I loved the name!

We really liked William but it's her deceased father's middle name, and he cut her out of the will.

OP posts:
MammaMia19 · 03/08/2019 20:17

Just don’t tell anyone until the baby is born. Introduce baby...”this is baby William/bob/Henry”

cheesydoesit · 03/08/2019 20:18

Of course choose the name you prefer for your baby. Why does anyone other than you or DP get an opinion? But then if DP will only allow you to choose from a certain type of names then do you really get much of a choice? Maybe you should pick this time as he set the criteria last time?

Coffeeisnecessary · 03/08/2019 20:18

Did she deserve to be cut out of the will?! It was only his middle name, William is a lovely name and maybe she should start having some positive associations with it!

TequilaMockingbird0 · 03/08/2019 20:19

Nobody gets a say in a baby's name other than the parents.
Don't discuss any options with anyone else. Just announce the name when baby is born. If MIL hates the name that's her problem, if she lets on she doesn't like it then she's beyond rude.

NoSauce · 03/08/2019 20:20

Why did he cut her out of the will? Was he a twat or was she?

Original poster
Namingetiquette · 03/08/2019 20:20

Did she deserve to be cut out of the will?! It was only his middle name, William is a lovely name and maybe she should start having some positive associations with it!

I never knew him but the story is that her sister turned him against her to get a larger inheritance.

OP posts:
MamaOomMowWow · 03/08/2019 20:21

We really liked William but it's her deceased father's middle name, and he cut her out of the will.

I think that's a bit much. It was only his middle name and very common. You suggest she shortens it to Will or Billy or something as there won't be any association with the shortened versions.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 03/08/2019 20:23

You can't not name your baby a name you like because it was someone's middle name.

OP, like others have said - your baby, your choice.

Sparklypurpleunicornsaremyfav · 03/08/2019 20:23

When I told my stepmum and dad our choice of name for our daughter thir response was oh no, why did you choose that? My stepmum then said your not going to call her (think lizzy as well as longer name, obviously not her real name) I went to school with a girl called that, she was the school bully, I don't think I can call her that, but her middle name is lovely, why not just call her that? Dad said but Lucy is lovely name, how about that instead? Hmm anyway getting back to the pointBlush daughter is bow 10 and they have said how they could not imagine her being called anything else, her name suits her and they love it.
Your mother in law will grumble, moan and complain to start with but she'll soon love the name as her grandchilds name not anyone else's.
Sorry that was so long, sounded shorter in my head!! 😂 😂 😂

NoSauce · 03/08/2019 20:23

As it was his middle name it might be ok.
I don’t know. I don’t think I would personally, it sounds like she has good reason to dislike her father and hence one of his names.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 03/08/2019 20:24

@Sparklypurpleunicornsaremyfav that's even worse! I can't believe they didn't want you to name the baby because of that reason. I'm glad you did!

PixieLumos · 03/08/2019 20:27

Of course you can. I don’t know why people share names before the baby arrives in these situations - you’ll find people are a lot less opionionated when the name’s already on the birth certificate.

Rainbowknickers · 03/08/2019 20:28

My mother thought she had every right to name all my babies-with no 4 I just played her and ended up with the name I liked
With no5 we didn’t find out what we where having and called him what WE wanted-and after all the fuss about being the first to know-she ended up being about 5th in line-that went down well...
End of the day he’s YOUR baby not hers and if she doesn’t like it tough luck her days of naming babies are over

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/08/2019 20:30

Everyone in your families (including your DH) seem very opinionated. Do you get an opinion, since you're the one actually producing a bloody baby?

Sandybval · 03/08/2019 20:32

As long as you and your DP are in agreement on a name I wouldn't worry about them.

Original poster
Namingetiquette · 03/08/2019 20:35

Everyone in your families (including your DH) seem very opinionated. Do you get an opinion, since you're the one actually producing a bloody baby?

My DH is very difficult and doesn't like to discuss names (like now, while I'm pregnant). This happened last time and we made the decision on the morning of the birth. I kind of get worried because he'll be so passively annoyed that he's just going to put down whatever he wants while I'm with the baby and he goes to register the birth by himself. That's why I would rather us agree on a name before the due date.

OP posts:
NoSauce · 03/08/2019 20:35

It’s all well and good saying it’s your baby and not hers. That’s pretty obvious but it’s about maintaining a good relationship between the OP and her MIL. It’s not as easy as saying tough she will have to get over it. Why would anyone choose a name that had negative connotations for someone so close in their family?

If your SIL called her DD the same name as your husbands crazy, nasty ex wife would you be fine about it and think her baby her choice??

I really don’t think that would happen.

user1486131602 · 03/08/2019 20:36

What about a compromise......bill, Liam, will etc? What about William as a middle name? Or one of the derivatives of it for a middle name?
She named her children what she wanted and you should be allowed t9 do the same.
We didn’t use ANYONES name, middle, surname for either of our children.
Good luck 😉

Swipe left for the next trending thread