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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To name the baby whatever I want?

48 replies

Namingetiquette · 03/08/2019 20:12

Last time I had a baby DP and I told family members our name choices. My MIL had a bad relationship with most of her family so a lot of their names, middle names were off the table. (This includes deceased people we never met, so a lot of names). The issue with this is the names that were off the table were fairly common boy names like "William" or "Arthur".

My DP will only let us choose very traditional English names and the names I like are the ones that might upset other people due to association. My own mother hates other names as well, because of extended family members that I have never met who had those names. I'm not as worried about offending my mum though because she doesn't take things as personal as my MIL does. I'm a bit worried my MIL could take us going against her dislikes as very offensive.

Should I risk offending my MIL and choosing a name I like? Or AIBU to name the baby whatever I want?

OP posts:

Sandybval · 03/08/2019 20:36

Why would he register the birth by himself?

Bookworm4 · 03/08/2019 20:37

Your Mil sounds a twat and your DH isn’t far behind her.

NoSauce · 03/08/2019 20:37

OP your DH sounds like a control freak. He only want traditional English names well what about you?

What names do you like?

ChampagneBuffet · 03/08/2019 20:37

Name your baby whatever you want. I can understand first names upsetting her but middle names is a stretch too far

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 03/08/2019 20:39

I kind of get worried because he'll be so passively annoyed that he's just going to put down whatever he wants while I'm with the baby and he goes to register the birth by himself. That's why I would rather us agree on a name before the due date.

If you genuinely think your DH would do this then your MIL not liking certain names is the least of your worries.

Sicario · 03/08/2019 20:39

Whoever gets to push the baby out of their body gets naming rights. So that would be you.

Original poster

Namingetiquette · 03/08/2019 20:39

Why would he register the birth by himself?

He did it last time because I had to stay in hospital to heal.

OP posts:

janj2301 · 03/08/2019 20:45

I don't know if it's still the same but 30+ years ago my best friend decided to change her daughter's name after it was registered, there is a grace period you can do this during so if hubby puts a name on the birth cert you didn't agree to you can change it....

BumbleBeee69 · 03/08/2019 20:48

Register the baby when YOU are able to go too, and name the baby whatever the hell you want.. Fuck pandering to the hang ups of all your relatives.

saraclara · 03/08/2019 20:56

he'll be so passively annoyed that he's just going to put down whatever he wants while I'm with the baby and he goes to register the birth by himself.

WTF?

You have 42 days to register a birth. No way should he take it upon himself to register and name your child.

Sorryisntgoodenough · 03/08/2019 20:58

1- do not tell anyone the name until AFTER you have given the baby a name
2) - you have 42 days to register the birth of a baby. Do NOT let DH go alone. You jointly made a baby, you should be jointly there for registering the birth.
However
My DH is very difficult and doesn't like to discuss names (like now, while I'm pregnant)
Your DH sounds like an arse. Discussing names is what prospective parents do.

If he insists he doesn’t like discussing it then equally you should say you don’t like discussing it until you are with the Registrar- then hit him with a name, he can’t refuse- MIL doesn’t get advance notice never mind a choice

Eustasiavye · 03/08/2019 20:59

I know lots of people who should have been called something else but their useless fathers picked totally different names when it came to the crunch and registered them as the new, not agreed upon, name.

IHateUncleJamie · 03/08/2019 21:00

I had to stay in hospital for a week after dd was born by emergency C section, @Namingetiquette - my DH wouldn’t have dreamed of going to register by himself! Don’t you get up to 6 weeks or something?

Your DH sounds a bit controlling, tbh. When he and MIL give birth to the baby then they get to dictate names. What are his reasons for refusing to discuss names before the birth? That’s bizarre! I would insist upon deciding together on names you’re both happy with.

Dawnofthebread · 03/08/2019 21:07

I could maybe understand if it was one specific name, but having a list of names and middle names just sounds controlling, especially when they are common names they will come across all the time anyway.

Sandybval · 03/08/2019 21:11

@Namingetiquette you get a while after the birth to go, I really enjoyed it despite having been kept in hospital for a while following the birth and it being first time out of the house. I know it's not a huge deal so if you're not bothered then makes sense for him to, but if you did want to he can wait until you're ready.

Rachelover40 · 03/08/2019 21:15

Try Jonathan for a boy, Anna for a girl. I bet everyone will be happy.

Madcats · 03/08/2019 21:22

Maybe I am a bit superstitious.

Maybe I am just cross I was given the name my brother would have had, seven years earlier, has he been a girl.

Yes we had a big list of names, but we REALLY didn't want to come up with a name that didn't suit the baby.

You get 6 weeks to register a birth ,BTW.

SolsticeBabyMaybe · 03/08/2019 21:28

Don't tell them what he's called til it's too late for them to object. If they say anything just brush it off.

ChocolateCroissants · 03/08/2019 21:41

We didn’t tell anyone what names we’d chosen until after the baby arrived (we didn’t know the sex anyway so couldn’t really pick until the time anyway). If you discuss baby names with family they will give you their opinions, best way to avoid this is to just keep all name chat between yourselves. We just refused to discuss it when it was brought up.

Your husband sounds as bad as your mil, from what you have said I’d be more concerned about how your husband is behaving than your mil.

Sparklypurpleunicornsaremyfav · 03/08/2019 23:05

Should mention, we didn't want to tell everyone our chosen name as we wanted it to be a surprise but was pressed into saying and the response we got was the reason why

Alloftit · 03/08/2019 23:07

Her dead fathers middle name? Come off it, she’s being bloody ridiculous, especially as it’s hardly an uncommon name!!

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/08/2019 00:07

Your DH sounds awful

TriciaH87 · 04/08/2019 00:22

Personally I didn't give a s**t what anyone thought. I picked my eldest sons names because I like them. His waste of space was lucky someone told me what he wanted to call him as I was nice enough to add it as a middle name. Not that he would notice as his been awol most his life. My youngest we decided together. That caused massi e family issues over his surname as I wanted mine dp wanted his we said would double it and did. The family was fuming on both sides but especially my mum because of my eldest so I said they still share mine and it's tough my child my choice. Don't let them stop you picking what you want and if you decide you do not want an old name go for what you like. Your going to use it every day for the rest of your life.

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