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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being selfish?? Need opinions.

36 replies

Sjoe456 · 03/08/2019 19:13

Okay so.. I am really not sure if I am being selfish or not.. I'm 9 weeks pregnant on Tuesday. The morning sickness has been horrendous, every day I dry heave and just have that constant nauseous feeling and feel SO dizzy and light headed aswell. Possibly think I'm low on iron. This is my first baby. He is nearly 30 and has a 7 year old from another relationship.. he cant drive at the minute but is getting a car in febuary, a month before our baby is due.. but I'm finding things very tough at the minute because when he gets his daughter it's me that has to go and collect her then we usually go to the park or do something fun and it's me obviously driving there.. today I went and picked his daughter up, he suggested his 8 year old brother came with us so I then had to drive from our house about 15 minutes away where his mum lives to get his brother, went to an indoor play park, left his brother home, took him and his daughter to the supermarket in which I couldnt go in cause I felt sick and was waiting in the car for about 45 minutes and ended up falling asleep, then left them home.. and I had to end up saying I'm goin up to my mums for a while to nap and chill out. It annoys me that little bit more as his mum drives.. so it would be nice if sometimes he asked his mum to do it, AIBU or is it him being unreasonable as I'm sick as fuck, I just dont think men truly understand how horrible pregnancy sickness is and especially when its driving about in the heat at the minute..

OP posts:
kitk · 03/08/2019 19:14

You're not selfish- if you're too ill to drive he can get the bus/train depending on distance/ local transport

MrsGrannyWeatherwax · 03/08/2019 19:19

If you’re feeling that unwell you should not be driving. He needs to sort a car out ASAP.

Congratulations

kitk · 03/08/2019 19:21

Hope he gets his act together ASAP OP. Salt he sounds a bit crap and you deserve better, particularly now when you're at your most vulnerable. Tbh I'd be laying down the law now

Original poster
Sjoe456 · 03/08/2019 19:24

Thanks guys, this is what I thought and I've sort of already said to him he needs to think of me, and hes like I am thinkin of you.. but his mum drives so I dont even see why he doesnt ring her and ask could she do a lift, she wouldnt mind at all, he wanted me him and his daughter to go to a farm today and it's a big big walk and I was like I dont think I'd be able to walk round it, it's so annoying cause when it's just me and him he is good to me when I'm sick, I was supposed to go back to the house tonight but I think I might just stay up in my mums house to chill for a wile

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 03/08/2019 19:28

So what does he say when you suggest he asks his mum?

Allli · 03/08/2019 19:47

Tell him again how ill you feel and that he can no longer rely on you for lifts and drop offs and he should get the bus app or whatever downloaded as he will need it. Stay firm. You have a responsibility for your and the baby’s health now. He’s a grown man.
If you are on good terms with her, you could tell his mum how unwell you’ve been and how difficult it is for you to drive etc just now till the morning sickness goes. He prob doesn’t want to bother her for lifts (but it’s all right to bother you) as men can be stupid like that. You may have to be the sensible one and mention the lifts issue to the MIL as she won’t have a clue about it all and she may even have offered lifts and he’s said no! At least if you tell her that her grandchild and son need to take the bus she may offer them a lift.
Tell his child too so she knows you’ve not fallen out with her and if you don’t see her much or go out it’s just as you’re ill and it will pass.
Why’s he getting a car so far into your pregnancy? Conveniently timed as you won’t be able to chauffeur him about by that time (selfish) or because he’s thinking of taking you to hospital when it’s your time (thoughtful, but earlier would be better so he can food shop etc while you rest). I hope your sickness goes soon. You could try acupuncture, it can be helpful for many stages in pregnancy and birth.
Good luck.

Skittlenommer · 03/08/2019 20:04

Stop doing it immediately!! Let him take care of his own kid and make arrangements. You need to stand up for yourself especially with a baby on the way!

cottonwoolsnowmen · 03/08/2019 20:25

Why does he have to wait until February to get a car? Can't he be insured on yours?

Does he have a valid licence?

Original poster
Sjoe456 · 03/08/2019 20:38

He doesnt get his license back until febuary 😥 and I bloody cant wait until he does I'm gettin sick of driving everywhere

OP posts:
HeyMonkey · 03/08/2019 20:41

Why can't he drive your car?

What happened to his license?

NerrSnerr · 03/08/2019 20:48

If he's banned from driving I would not go over and above to help him. Can he use public transport?

StripeySocks29 · 03/08/2019 20:48

He sounds like a real catch Hmm

Just tell him no next time he asks, you’re not a taxi driver.

StoneofDestiny · 03/08/2019 20:51

Public transport - or you are being a mug.

Original poster
Sjoe456 · 03/08/2019 20:51

Its not his fault he cant drive it was a medical condition and he gets his license back in febuary. So wasnt doin anythin illegal it was no fault of his own, yeah and the shit thing is the little girls mum doesnt even drive either.. so it's not even as if she can come over to the house to pick her up, the little girls mums boyfriend drive so she drops her off the odd time, I was meant to leave her up home tommorow I am just going to message him saying look your mums going to have to do it. Today is the first day I thought it was a joke, spent nearly the whole day driving and me sick as fuck pregnant. I didnt think pregnancy sickness would be as bad as this anyone else been so bad??

OP posts:
Yourostar · 03/08/2019 20:51

to take a slightly different view, you are pg and in the really horrible phase but you're a stepmum too. With your second child you have to push through morning sickness to walk round farms with a toddler.

having said that yanbu as he's totally able to lighten your load a bit more, and should.

Original poster
Sjoe456 · 03/08/2019 21:05

Thank you I'm goin to ring him later and say could his mum take his daughter home

OP posts:
Thecurtainsofdestiny · 03/08/2019 21:39

Yes pregnancy sickness can be bad!

Fatigue doesn't help. Less driving more resting.

Flowers
ElstreeViaduct · 03/08/2019 21:48

There are a lot of hidden costs in driving. The occasional taxi might feel expensive but compared to running a car (which he isn't at the moment) it's not radically different.

As a compromise how about you drive a third of the visits, he pays for a taxi for a third and the final third you scrub altogether? Though my gut reaction is it's bloody awful that he is being so inconsiderate and selfish when you need a rest. It's all very well saying pregnancy is not an illness etc but constant nausea is really debilitating. I struggled through with it until I collapsed and ended up signed off for weeks with exhaustion.

Sianlouise432 · 03/08/2019 21:49

Next time quickly pull over and start retching on the side of the road.. It'll get the point across
😂

simplekindoflife · 03/08/2019 21:59

Or actually be sick on him! Would definitely get the message across!

But I'm in two minds on this. You're like his stepmum now. Many women with 2 or more dc have had to battle through pregnancy symptoms while looking after other dc.

He's only asking for a lift, not for you to actually participate... it's a difficult one. Is public transport feasible? Could you compromise on only driving one way? Is there a better time of the day for you when you're feeling better?

Hopefully the sickness will subside in a few weeks and you'll feel a lot better.

BumbleBeee69 · 03/08/2019 22:14

you need to take care of yourself OP. Flowers

Original poster
Sjoe456 · 03/08/2019 22:23

Thanks guys but that's the thing it's not only a lift he wants he wants me to participate in there activities, I do it sometimes for his daughter cause dont want to let her down, but he wanted me to go to the farm with them today and drive and collect his wee girl, drive 20 mins to collect his little brother then drive to the farm, I said I wouldnt be able to walk round a farm can u imagine the smell of goats and pigs I would vomit all over them hahah, so instead of the farm I ended up driving to get his daughter, 20 minutes away to collect his wee brother then back into the town and we all went to an indoor play park, then I had to take his little brother back out home, then took him and his daughter to asda and they were in for 45/50 minutes, then he wants me to drive back out to his mums tommorow, so that will be 6 times in the space of today and tommorow from leaving his little brother in and out today then tommorow, but tommorow I'm not doing it.. goin to ring him tommorow morning and say look can your mum not collect her and take her back out to her mums

OP posts:
BumbleBeee69 · 03/08/2019 22:47

OP you really shouldn't be anywhere near Sheep during your pregnancy, I know you don't mention Sheep but were there any at the Farm. Seriously you need to step back from ferrying them all around, for your baby and your own health, my lovely. Flowers

Original poster
Sjoe456 · 03/08/2019 23:48

Omg theres loads of sheep, I never knew u couldnt go near sheep, why is that?? X

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 04/08/2019 00:09

He's taking the piss, big time. Stop ferrying him and his family round. They can get the bus, like normal people. He's taking you for granted.