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AIBU?

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Original poster

Re this family celebration a week before due date?

56 replies

SoftMyrtle · 03/08/2019 10:23

My husband has got a big birthday coming up in February, and ages ago he booked a big National Trust property a few hours' drive away for that weekend so that his (and my) extended family could get together - 21 of us in total, I think. Since then, we discovered we were expecting our first baby (TTC but for so long we weren't really expecting it to happen), due date the week after said weekend.

We've just had our dating scan and afterwards we discussed what to do - my feeling was that the holiday wasn't a good idea, as even though I know most first babies are late it's just too risky and I want to be within a half hour (at the most) of hospital/birth centre, not to mention unknowables like the possibility that I'll be induced early/need to have scheduled C- section etc. Also even if the baby is early it seems crazy to expect ourselves to do that drive and "host" the occasion with a newborn.

We haven't checked the insurance position yet, but I think the best thing is to try and postpone, if possible, or cancel even if it means losing the deposit. DH is obviously disappointed - the occasion was also to mark his mother's 90th, and for obvious reasons we may not get another opportunity to celebrate that - but said that of course it was up to me and "if I felt worried about it" it was my decision. (For the record, he is lovely.) I don't think it's me "being worried", tbh, I think I'm being sensible, but as it's our first pregnancy and a totally unknown quantity maybe I am overreacting. What do you all think?

A footnote: DH is wondering too whether, if we don't go and can't postpone, we should pay the balance (4 figures, we can afford it but it's a lot of money to waste) and tell our families to go without us. I think this is both a) masochistic if we can't be there and b) a bit weird, as my family and his siblings, ex- wife and PILs, daughters, nephews etc don't really know one another and without us there it might feel strange, but would this be the gracious thing to do?

Let me know your thoughts...

OP posts:
Justbloodystopit · 03/08/2019 10:30

I'd go, personally. Use it as a chance to relax, make sure everyone else does the 'hosting' and looking after you. Talk to your midwife, get advice, Find out where the nearest hospital is, take notes and everything you might need, make sure you know about taxis and or have a rota for who might be sober to drive if needed... A due date is not really a due date, in my experience, its a dye window, of several weeks. You might end up sitting at home waiting for weeks, my first was a c section but I knew the night before I might have to go in, plenty of time to drive myself home and make arrangements, then my second was 11 days over, so if I'd not gone anywhere, I would have had 5 weeks of restricting myself. Obvs if you're nervous, it being your first, it's difficult to be relaxed about these things, but it shouldn't stop you having this celebration.

CherryPavlova · 03/08/2019 10:31

I’d still go to be honest. Half an hour from a maternity unit is a big ask - most women are much further away. Some areas of the country are several hours drive. Cornwall only has one consultant led unit and a couple of stand alone birthing centres, for example. A transfer from Helton to the unit would take a while.

I’ve a member of staff due in a fortnight who’s still working away from home. You can always go home at first sign of anything happening.

MoreSlidingDoors · 03/08/2019 10:33

Insurance won’t cover pregnancy.

Applejack5 · 03/08/2019 10:33

I'd go. Just make sure you know where the nearest hospital with maternity unit is and have your maternity notes, hospital bag and the baby's car seat with you just in case

If the baby comes early you might have to give it a miss though obviously!

twolobsters · 03/08/2019 10:34

I'd go. It would be a really lovely thing to do before baby arrives.

At that stage in pregnancy you'll be really bored and probably welcome the distraction.

I regret how much time I wasted being on standby in the final weeks. This sounds like a really nice way to finish your pregnancy.

Sooverthemill · 03/08/2019 10:35

If you are concerned ask your midwife. I had complications and was told to never be more than an hours drive away from the unit. If you haven't been warned I'm sure you are okay. A lovely chance to be waited on hand and foot!

Didntwanttochangemyname · 03/08/2019 10:35

How many hours drive exactly? If 2/3 I'd go, any more I probably wouldn't. (I live in the UK but 2/3 hours from the nearest big hospital so this sort of distance is pretty normal to travel when in labour for women here, it's not seen as a big deal)
What exactly is involved in the hosting, I assume you won't be preparing food and drinks, so it shouldn't be too labour intensive (pardon the pun!)

Sassypants82 · 03/08/2019 10:35

Yeah, I'd go too.

VeThings · 03/08/2019 10:39

I wouldn’t go. I was so uncomfortable at that stage, I can’t imagine voluntarily driving for several hours each way.

You could play it by ear but that will be letting a lot of people down if you then end up cancelling.

Personally I’d bring forward the celebrations by a month, if that’s possible to do.

Blondebakingmumma · 03/08/2019 10:39

Can you move the celebration a week early? I think you should still go. On the off chance you do go into labor a week early, most women are told to spend time at home until contractions are close together. I’m sure you’ll have plenty of time

QuantamBaby · 03/08/2019 10:47

I'd go - but on the very clear understanding that you will be sitting down with your feet up for the entire weekend and everyone else will be doing any party planning/cooking/organising etc.

You can't put your life on hold and babies can come in a window of about a month and it still be classed as all normal and full term.

Take your notes and a hospital bag just in case, but it could be a nice way to relax at the end of your pregnancy while also celebrating your DH and him mum.

DartmoorDoughnut · 03/08/2019 10:51

If everything is low risk - blood pressure, health checks etc - so far I’d go, I went ridiculously over due with my first and only on time with my second due to elcs. But that would be dependent on travel times and obvs take notes/hospital bag with you

ButtHurt · 03/08/2019 10:54

So you'll be 39weeks pregnant? Who would drive you if labour began early?
I'd probably try to bring it forward. I'd not want to be hugely pregnant driving 2-3 hrs anyway as it's very uncomfortable.

Howyiz · 03/08/2019 10:57

Just cancel. Even if you are fine, do you really want to be worrying about hosting a party and have that playing on your mind?
Can you arrange something easier much closer to home and have it a bit earlier?
Definitely don't pay the balance, that is just stupid.

MothralovesGojira · 03/08/2019 10:59

I would go as arranged. Take your hospital bag with you and check where the nearest maternity unit is located just in case - preparation in case of an emergency in key to setting your mind at rest.

In our case, my Mil died a month before Fil's 90th birthday. We already had a massive 90th birthday party planned (hall booked, caterer booked, invites sent and bespoke birthday cake ordered & paid for). Fil decided to go a head with his party and we had it as planned two weeks after Mil's funeral. Fil died unexpectedly after a very short illness this week.
The one thing we have all said this week is that we are so glad that we went ahead with the party. Fil saw friends and family that he hadn't seen for years and he had the most wonderful time. He was still talking about it last week which is a month after the party.

My point is that 90 year olds can go really quickly when their time comes and this party would be remembered as special and could be the last time that your DH's mother will have a large family gathering. Obviously if your pregnancy isn't straightforward then yes, you should consider cancelling but I can see why your DH would be a bit upset and disappointed.

Purplejay · 03/08/2019 11:01

Cancel. If you want rearrange for a couple or three months later. A great chance to let everyone meet the baby.

My son say born at 37.5. There is just as much chance you could have a new born, go into labour there or be fine for another 3 weeks. You could be huge and uncomfortable too. Not an ideal time to be hosting.

Purplejay · 03/08/2019 11:03

Another alternative is to bring it forward by a few weeks.

sewinginscotland · 03/08/2019 11:03

I would send DH and enjoy some peace and quiet without him - but only if you've got someone on hand to drive just in case and he's not too far away. I made the 'I don't want to be more than half an hour from the hospital I'm giving birth in' rule a couple of weeks before I was due. I was a week early, your first isn't always late.

Aebj · 03/08/2019 11:04

I would go. However my ds1 would of joined us!! He was born at 37+5. Great chance of family meeting baby all at the same time and then you can be left in piece for ages to bond!!
Ds2 was 2 days late. ! He’s been a pain ever since😂😂
Take your notes , have local taxi numbers ( I even phoned our local taxi firm to make sure they work all hours and would be able to get to me! They could but I never needed them)
Good luck and enjoy

Yogurtcoveredricecake · 03/08/2019 11:09

Cancel or rearrange. My DS would have been a week old and there's no way we could have travelled (given my fanny was in bits and we were both exhausted).

VenusTiger · 03/08/2019 11:37

Were you or any of your siblings early? My only DS was 20 days early.
If you’re not going to enjoy it then you should postpone imo.

Disfordarkchocolate · 03/08/2019 11:40

I would bring it forward to move it till the baby was 6 weeks. I wasn't comfortable being in a car at 39 weeks and 1 of mine was born at 38 weeks.

Ash39 · 03/08/2019 11:42

If you can bring it forward by a moth or so, that would be my first preference personally. If you can't, but If you can afford it, pay the balance and still plan for this. And just play by ear. You can't predict how you will be feeling, or whether the baby decides they want to make an early appearance.

You may be bored to tears and want the distraction at the time!

Take your notes, check with MW, and note the nearest hospital. But OH or a designated driver, would need to stay sober.

Congratulations!

Sorryisntgoodenough · 03/08/2019 11:43

I would send DH and enjoy some peace and quiet without him - but only if you've got someone on hand to drive just in case

^ this rather than cancel. However, mine was 2 weeks early so I woul be able to go and show off newborn if we had been in your situation.

DennisMailerWasHere · 03/08/2019 11:47

i would cancel tbh.

i wouldn't want the stress of all the What Ifs.

What if the baby arrives early? What if you're exhausted, in pain being so near the due date? What if you need monitoring before e.g. for movements? What if there's something more serious which means you need to be near home/a unit you trust?

There's no way, when I think about the pros and cons, that the extra hassle is worth it. And if your families are good, they will understand.

Honestly, i just don't see why you need this extra mental/energy stress on top of expecting your first baby at all.

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