Re this family celebration a week before due date?

[SoftMyrtle]

My husband has got a big birthday coming up in February, and ages ago he booked a big National Trust property a few hours' drive away for that weekend so that his (and my) extended family could get together - 21 of us in total, I think. Since then, we discovered we were expecting our first baby (TTC but for so long we weren't really expecting it to happen), due date the week after said weekend.

We've just had our dating scan and afterwards we discussed what to do - my feeling was that the holiday wasn't a good idea, as even though I know most first babies are late it's just too risky and I want to be within a half hour (at the most) of hospital/birth centre, not to mention unknowables like the possibility that I'll be induced early/need to have scheduled C- section etc. Also even if the baby is early it seems crazy to expect ourselves to do that drive and "host" the occasion with a newborn.

We haven't checked the insurance position yet, but I think the best thing is to try and postpone, if possible, or cancel even if it means losing the deposit. DH is obviously disappointed - the occasion was also to mark his mother's 90th, and for obvious reasons we may not get another opportunity to celebrate that - but said that of course it was up to me and "if I felt worried about it" it was my decision. (For the record, he is lovely.) I don't think it's me "being worried", tbh, I think I'm being sensible, but as it's our first pregnancy and a totally unknown quantity maybe I am overreacting. What do you all think?

A footnote: DH is wondering too whether, if we don't go and can't postpone, we should pay the balance (4 figures, we can afford it but it's a lot of money to waste) and tell our families to go without us. I think this is both a) masochistic if we can't be there and b) a bit weird, as my family and his siblings, ex- wife and PILs, daughters, nephews etc don't really know one another and without us there it might feel strange, but would this be the gracious thing to do?

Let me know your thoughts...

I’d cancel. You have zero idea how your pregnancy will progress and I wouldn’t want to do all that travelling with a newborn or heavily pregnant. I was fine in PG1 until 34 weeks when my BP rocketed and I had to go to the MAU twice a week. In PG2 I was ill earlier but also the baby turned breech which required several later scans. None of that predictable. It’d be much worse cancelling a month before.

Postpone it for when baby is about 4 months old. Much easier then.

Go,just make sure you rest and are waited on.Unfortunatly your DH won't be able to drink .
It usually takes a while to have a first baby.Take a bag and notes with details of nearest maternity unit incase.
If your babys early the you can still go,no housework,no cooking so your relatives get to see the baby(get it over with).
Don't put your life on hold,the last few weeks always seem so long.

I went away for a weekend at 39 weeks. It was a big event that I didn't want to miss. Both my sister and mum had given birth at 38/39 weeks, so I knew it was a possibility. I took extra precautions: checked out all the local birth centres, called a couple to check they would accept me; brought hospital bag and notes; brought car seat. And warned people that I might have to bail out or leave early if I just wasn't feeling up to it.

In the event it turned out fine. The drive was tiring so we allowed extra time for stop offs to stretch my legs and pee (both needed at least every hour, so the journey took much more than the 2.5hrs it should have done). I brought my pregnancy pillow but still didn't sleep well, so disappeared each afternoon for a nap.

I went into labour a few days after we got back, and have always been pleased that I went, as it was such a special weekend.

So I would say that if you can't change the date (bringing it earlier to January would in my mind me better than making it later, as it is unlikely to be a relaxing weekend with a small child), then try to go ahead. But obviously only if your midwife/consultant is happy and there aren't health concerns.

I'd just go if you can but make it clear you will not be being the hostess and will be resting like someone about to give birth.

Just carry your notes with you. Half an hour isn't even possible in many cities let alone rural areas. With a 90th birthday you could regret forever so easily. In fact if baby comes 2 weeks early it would be perfect - the most senior and newest members of the family can meet. My h's cousin brought her 4 day old baby to Nanna's 90th, it was perfect.

I would try and rearrange. I didn't realise but I was in slow labour from 37 weeks and was so uncomfortable I definitely wouldn't have wanted to go away.

Both my DCs arrived early 36+6 and 38+2 so they would have been joining in the fun. I would aim to go and send dh on his own if needs be.

I would be open minded maybe, seems like you are likely to lose the money anyway. If little one does make an early appearance or you aren't feeling up to it the family can still celebrate, however, you might find you feel alright about it nearer the time- just obviously take maternity notes and hospital bags, and your DH would have to stay sober so he could drive if need be.

If there was a chance of getting the money back though seems sensible to postpone or push forward, but I can see why this might not be ideal anyway. Congratulations by the way!

Definitely wouldn't go and certainly wouldn't want partner to go. Say you go into labour and he's several hours away or has no signal. The whole "first child is late" is actually a myth, it's no more common than being ontime or early. 37 weeks with first and only 2 hour labour so your partner wouldn't even get back.
Rearrange or loose the money. Either way the stress wouldn't be worth it.

"First babies are usually late" I'm pretty sure is a myth and you definitely cant rely on that. In my group of friends it's about 50/50 whether babies were late or early and I definitely wouldnt want to risk it.

Also as someone who had a very quick first labour I wouldnt have made it to the hospital if it was more than 15 minutes away - there are so many unknowns, especially with the first baby.

If possible I would look at moving the date either a month earlier or 3/4 months later. It wouldnt coincide with your husband's actual birthday but that's not that important in the scheme of things

I'd check where nearest suitable hospital is and take notes, hospital bag and car seat with me if there was one. This isn't a normal weekend away.

Dc1 arrived at 37 weeks, and dc2 37.5 weeks

So you really can’t guarantee on the ‘most 1st babies will be late’- as you may be one of the ‘some 1st babies are born early’ group.

I'd send my husband and have a quiet weekend by myself.

I had DS at 36 weeks, no complications, I was travelling for work up until the week before but had a lot of pelvic pain and needed crutches. Can you postpone until after the baby is born (3 months or so once the fog has lifted) and then it can be a joint birthday celebration and meet the baby for those who haven't already?

I went to visit family a few hours away when I have birth to my second. He was a week early and I drove home in the morning and then had him that night. They couldn't believe it when I phoned them. It was fine. I think you should go.

Think I'd still go. Life is too short. My parents had a holiday planned but dad died 2 days beforehand. Mum still went as the whole family was going. I've just come back from a week with them.

If baby is born early, it could be a good opportunity for the whole family to meet him/her. That said I had super quick easy labours, and easy recoveries. So it’s easy for me to say, as I don’t know what it’s like to struggle after birth. Also I was a ‘here have the baby for cuddles, I’m off for a bath’ mum, but I know a lot of mums feel anxious about lots of people having cuddles. Neither way is wrong, it’s how you feel as a parent that matters.

What does your contract with them say? The cancelling & payments due!?

Unless it’s very clear in the contract then no, you don’t need to pay the balance if you cancel.

An you find out if they’d transfer the deposit to a property nearer to you/ would that work for the other guests?

I think given it’s his mum’s 90th SS well you need to go ahead in some way - either a different date or a venue closer to home if his Mum & other family could get there

Thank you all! Consensus seems to be to go, but with enough people expressing doubts that I don't feel crazy to have asked... I will ponder further with input from my midwife - luckily I am the sort of person who likes to put decisions off until the last possible moment! And if we do go, I will make sure I have made a list of demands stipulations, e.g. DH sober and ready to drive at all times, I am exempt from chore rota, tea to be brought promptly by nearest person when I ring a bell, etc. Actually, maybe I'm liking the sound of this...

I would see if you can bring it forward in the first instance

I went away for a weekend at 37 weeks, took my notes and put my feet up. Was just what I needed and the baby was late anyway.

I would cancel, or postpone until a couple of months after your due date.

There are just too many unknowns. With my first pregnancy I wouldn't have wanted to be away at that stage as I was in terrible pain with SPD and still being sick regularly as my hyperemesis came back with a vengeance at 35 weeks. With DC2 I would probably have been fine. My point is you have no idea how you are going to feel. As others have said "first babies are usually late" is a myth and there is always the possibility that you could have to be induced early or have a scheduled c-section. Even if all seems normal and straightforward in the early stages, I know several women who have had significant complications arise in the third trimester.
Much better to save yourself the worry and uncertainty.

I’d go personally but have taken all the extra precautions and if I wasn’t feeling up to it would send husband on his own.

Good luck and congratulations

I would postpone until the baby is about 8 weeks old and preferably transfer the venue to a bit closer home (up to 1 hour away).

You have no idea how you will feel and there could be complications. What if your waters broke on the way and you were stuck in traffic? Your DH wouldn’t be able to drink because he might have to take you to hospital if labour started. Would you really want to have the baby 2 hours away from home? What if you had to have a c section and needed to stay in? Think of the practicalities here.

If you have the celebration later you can make it a joint birthday/90th & meet the baby party.