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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child maintenance

28 replies

hereforit · 03/08/2019 10:04

Just a rant really. Applied for child maintenance. Nursery costs are £700 a month, then there are nappies, wipes, clothes, food, and the rest. My ex who earns £650 gross a week has been told he has to pay £200 a month. That's it. Whether he even pays it or not I don't know.

I'm sure I'm not the first to feel this way but AIBU to feel as though the financial burden is pretty much on me here?

OP posts:
Thehop · 03/08/2019 10:05

Yes, it is. Very unfair. I wish I could only contribute 25 % of my earnings for my boys!

stucknoue · 03/08/2019 10:07

It's a crazy system but they look at his outgoings too. The system is pretty much set up to assume (normally the mum) is low wage or doesn't work so gets benefits

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 03/08/2019 10:08

Who told him he has to pay £200 a month? I make it about £366 a month.

The shortfall is expected to be made up you, child benefit, and child tax credits. Not saying its right, but that's whats expected.

Where did the £200 figure come from?

Original poster
hereforit · 03/08/2019 10:08

He is on nearly 34k a year but he only has to pay just over 2k a year for his child who he never sees. Just got the email this morning and I don't know how I'm going to cope. Don't even know if I'll be eligible for UC on 24k a year but it's not a huge wage.

OP posts:
Original poster
hereforit · 03/08/2019 10:09

It's just what they've calculated. He has a child with another woman too if that makes a difference. The calculator I did said £90 a month online but clearly it was inaccurate.

OP posts:
Confuzzlediddled · 03/08/2019 10:10

It's crap isn't it, my useless ex pays a paltry £150 a month for 2 teenagers and has now decided he doesn't need to pay any more since they're 16, regardless of the fact they're going to 6th form college!

Original poster
hereforit · 03/08/2019 10:11

I actually don't know how I'm going to cope

OP posts:
Original poster
hereforit · 03/08/2019 10:22

Yep. Awful! No idea how I am going to manage.

OP posts:
Original poster
hereforit · 06/08/2019 11:47

I've just phoned them and they've said it's correct as he pays for another child. I'm gutted. I might actually have to give up my job as I just can't afford nursery and on 24k a year I doubt I will be entitled to any universal credit. Ouch. Sat here in tears why the hell did I allow myself to get in this situation

OP posts:
PumpkinP · 06/08/2019 19:52

Hmm it’s rubbish but I don’t get a penny for 4 children. £200 a month is better than what a lot of people get. Maintenance sadly isn’t meant to be relied on.

Jimdandy · 06/08/2019 20:11

How old is child? Apply for universal credit and see what it says. I believe at £24k you still get some help.

I ask for age as the term after their third birthday you should qualify for 30 free hours.

I know this isn’t a race to the bottom but we get £16 a week for my stepdaughter

Snappedandfarted2019 · 06/08/2019 20:16

He has two dc to pay for so that amount seems standard if hes paying £200 for both. Could you get help with childcare costs.

Original poster
hereforit · 06/08/2019 21:11

His son is 9 months old and he has them for 0 overnights. He has his daughter 3-4 nights a week so just under 50%. He's not allowed access to my son at the moment due to abuse against us both - I doubt he will pay anything at all!

I understand people have it worse than me

OP posts:
Bugsymalonemumof2 · 06/08/2019 21:14

Ah if he pays for another child that explains it. Theoretically he is paying £400 a month (which is correct) but it's divided two ways.

I get £232 a month for two children :(

PookieDo · 06/08/2019 21:17

You need to find out about UC before leaving your job though

You may get help with childcare costs

DPJ1973 · 06/08/2019 21:17

It's worth applying for Universal Credit. I got a token amount and earned more than you and paid less childcare. They were bastards for wanting every scrap of evidence of paying for childcare (they wanted invoices with exact dates breakdown, plus a receipt of payment, plus my bank statement showing the money went out) but I made it my personal mission to do it because it pissed me off so much.

Purpleartichoke · 06/08/2019 21:18

This is something I really don’t understand about the British system. Where I am, child care is a separate line item and there are only rare exceptions to not having to cover 50%. Of course, enforcement is always a problem, but half the child care bill should be the absolute bare minimum regardless of income.

PumpkinP · 06/08/2019 21:18

I’m just saying that people manage without any maintenance at all so you will have to find a way to manage with £200, they have to split it that’s how it works.

slipperywhensparticus · 06/08/2019 21:18

It's not a race to the bottom so I wont bore you with my situation, claim UC for childcare also I saw something on Gov uk about help with childcare costs dont give up your job it will get better the older they get

Lilyannarose · 06/08/2019 21:19

My children's father thought he'd have a month off paying anything at all this month.
Sadly the children have missed out as I have had to cancel the plans I had made for the summer holidays of days out to the zoo and farms etc with less costly activities due to his selfishness.
He's a compulsive gambler and we suffer the consequences.

Littlejets · 06/08/2019 21:34

I get 70% towards my nursery fees so please do check your eligibility. I work full time and nursery fees are £780 and I rent privately. It is tight but manageable.

Sotiredofthislife · 06/08/2019 21:40

hey look at his outgoings too. The system is pretty much set up to assume (normally the mum) is low wage or doesn't work so gets benefits

No. They don’t look at his outgoings. Maintenance has nothing to do with wage levels or benefits.

TriciaH87 · 06/08/2019 23:41

I know the whole 12% after pension etc is a joke. My sons has gone up by 14.95 a month. Doesn't matter his dinner money alone has gone from 10 to 25. Absent parents get away with it all.

welshmum3 · 07/08/2019 00:01

Don't get anything for mine. Ex -DH decided he'd rather give up work than contribute anything towards his children.

naneee · 07/08/2019 00:06

I say be thankful if your going to get £200 a month, know it doesn't seem like much, but u could go the other way and get nothing at all like many women including me get 🙄

Don't agree with child maintenance calculations at all and in my experience they are totally useless! So hope things get better for u, totally sympathise with u and agree that it isn't fair that the mother has to shoulder the whole burden alone 90% of the time

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