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Original poster

Do I tell my friend that her husband is on Tinder?

50 replies

Howdoisaythis · 02/08/2019 17:49

I've known friend, lets call her A for 5 years, we met through a shared hobby. In this time I've been to her house, and therefore met her husband. He seem (ed) like a really nice guy.

I've been single for a while and decided to join Tinder and try online dating out. I then came across A's husband's profile as a possible match. Not sure if he saw my profile. On his profile he says he's single.

A's husband got a tattoo about 6 months ago, I know this as she told me that she didn't like it very much. It's a big sleeve tattoo thing, before this he didn't have any tattoos.

The Tinder picture shows him with the tattoo, I only mention this as it means it probably isn't just an old account.

I know I need to tell her but I've already put it off a week as I feel too awkward mentioning it.
1- do i absolutely have to tell her
2- how the fuck do i start the conversation?

OP posts:
Knickersononeshead · 02/08/2019 17:50

I'd absolutely want to know! I'd screenshot said profile and send her it saying you've just come across him

AddNameHere · 02/08/2019 17:52

Send a screenshot through an anonymous account.

mail.com do a free one

Wishihad · 02/08/2019 17:52

Is there a chance that's someone has set it up and using his photo.

This has happened to several friends of mine. One in particular, because he is very attractive. He is single so no reason he woildnt just admit it was his.

People take his photos, make a profile using his photos to catfish.

Personally I would contact him and tell him if he doesnt tell her, I will.

And screen shot it.

HollowTalk · 02/08/2019 17:53

Take a screenshot quickly, in case he's seen you and disappeared.

I would tell her. How can you not?

Wishihad · 02/08/2019 17:53

I really dont understand why attached people do this since they usually go on location, theres a good chance someone you or your spouse will know will see it.

HollowTalk · 02/08/2019 17:54

Or you could say, hey, your DP has a doppelganger! And send her the photo.

HappyLoneParentDay · 02/08/2019 17:54

You need to tell her!!! If she ever finds out you knew but didn't tell her - friendship gone

Ellabella989 · 02/08/2019 17:55

I knew a guy who was married and he would occasionally make a profile on tinder when he was bored to see how many matches he could get from attractive women. He said it was an ego boost and would never actually cheat. I still told his wife though as I thought it was still really wrong

newmomof1 · 02/08/2019 17:56

Absolutely tell her. Is he using his real name? If not, you could 'innocently' ask if he has a twin.

SummerHouse · 02/08/2019 17:56

Totally screen shot and show her. It's not necessary a big deal. I know a couple who are both on it. I dread to think of the number of people who have seen them and worried about whether to say or not. And on the other hand, if she doesn't know then she needs to. You are doing her a favour. Get on with it. Wink

R2G · 02/08/2019 17:57

I'd send to her and just say I'm really sorry I think someone is using your husbands picture on tinder

HelloyouKant · 02/08/2019 17:57

Yes tell her, be prepared that it will destroy your friendship, but you have to say something.

tinyme77 · 02/08/2019 17:57

Perhaps ask him first

OldAndWornOut · 02/08/2019 17:57

I'm cowardly enough to do what AddName suggested, and do it anonymously.

Bourbonbiccy · 02/08/2019 17:59

You know you need to tell her, I would just invite her for a coffee and say, " I'm really really sorry, this is going to be so awkward but I need to tell you. I seen you hubby on tinder and thought you had a right to know. I can assure you of my discretion, I will definitely not tell another soul. I'm sorry and I'm here if you need me "
Say it really quick like ripping off a plaster so you doubt chicken out xxx

SignedUpJust4This · 02/08/2019 18:01

Make a fake profile so he doesn't know who you are then message him and see what happens

Penelopepeace · 02/08/2019 18:02

I would tread carefully.

I have had my picture used on a dating site. (I don’t know why, I am very ordinary) - it was a picture someone had taken off my business Facebook account. Annoyingly, I couldn’t see what was written as you had to pay to be a member. It was incredibly hard to get them to remove the fake profile.

SummerHouse · 02/08/2019 18:02

TBH I would much prefer it came from a friend. An anonymous message would be upsetting. Wondering who knows, if it's a woman he has had an affair with, if it's someone who wished me ill. And wondering of everyone I know if it was them. No. Not good.

TemporaryPermanent · 02/08/2019 18:04

I would never tell anyone something like this. And I wouldn't want to know either.

Moondancer73 · 02/08/2019 18:06

Absolutely tell her.

Ellabella989 · 02/08/2019 18:10

Say “I think someone’s using your husbands pics on Tinder” and send her a screenshot.

Maybelle15 · 02/08/2019 18:10

The exact reason i came off tinder. Was full of people i knew were in relationships! I never told any of the wives and girlfriends. They weren’t close friends or family so i felt it was none of my buisness

Original poster
Howdoisaythis · 02/08/2019 18:15

Hmm @Wishihad maybe it could be that, I would say he's relatively attractive looking, although maybe not so much that someone would steal his photos!

I am honestly considering the anonymous route, I have ASD and don't know how to talk to people at the best of times, knowing me and my complete lack of social skills I'd say it wrong or accidentally say something to offend herBlush

I did take screenshots at the time so at least I have the evidence! I don't have contact details for her husband so can't contact him first, although I don't think I'd want to anyway.

OP posts:
Loftyswops988 · 02/08/2019 18:16

It could be that they are in an open relationship sort of situation - so I would maybe word it more like 'hey you might already know about this/not sure of the situation but I just thought if you don't then you might want to know'

Auramigraine · 02/08/2019 18:16

Ouch! I had something a little bit along these lines with a friend years ago but it wasn’t an account on a dating site but her partner had left a rude message (publicly) on my other friends profile. He used her computer so I left my friends profile on the tabs on her computer so she would see it herself. She saw it and dumped him. I did tell her afterwards that I had seen it but didn’t know how to tell her. Is there a way you can make sure she finds it herself? Maybe show her your account (check your photo or something looks ok) and tell her to show you your matches so she stumbles across it? Just a thought x