Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Looking after friend's dog.

38 replies

Yappy12 · 01/08/2019 22:33

Do you think I'm mean for expecting wife's friends to pay us something for looking after their dog? If they put her in kennels it would cost them. They paid for 5 of them to go to Philippines in May and asked us to have their 8 year-old Staffie. We have a 6 year-old Beagle. I said NO and asked why they didn't put her in kennels and was told "Oh you have to pay" FFS. Of course you do. They can afford thousands to go there but not make arrangements for their dog. So night before they flew my wife was at their house and they said they'd got a man to have her but he was ill so we'd have to have her. Wife brought her and I was so angry. Dog was in season, drops of blood everywhere but never bothered to tell us that. Why didn't they have her spayed? "It costs money" They've never even offered me anything. Gave me her food but it was nowhere near enough so had to buy more.
You see our 22 year-old daughter died suddenly last April and my wife was scared of her ghost. The Filipinos have these superstitions! So she slept there for a few weeks until her sister and niece came. She feels we owe them for that so should have the dog. They're all going again in Jan. and I really just don't want her again. Am I mean? Am I awful for thinking they should pay us or at least offer?

OP posts:
Original poster
Yappy12 · 01/08/2019 22:35

Just want to add, we've got wife's employers two dogs at the moment and they're paying us very well. They wouldn't dream of not doing.

OP posts:
drinkygin · 01/08/2019 22:35

Paying you is weird, either you want to have the dog or you don’t. They should at least have left enough food though. How long are they gone for?

Original poster
Yappy12 · 01/08/2019 22:38

They're back now, was in May but wife's just told me they're going again in Jan. My view is it would cost them in kennels, a few hundred. If I was leaving my dog with someone I'd at least offer something. Maybe wife's right and am mean then. Just want to gauge opinions.

OP posts:
Medicmog · 01/08/2019 22:40

I would never expect payment for looking after a friends animal. It's done out of love. Sometimes a token gift eg a bottle of wine is given.

I would never send a dog to kennels as it is cruel. Dogs are companion animals and deserve to live in a home environment.

You shouldn't be forced to look after the doing though, and they should provide enough food.

Original poster
Yappy12 · 01/08/2019 22:40

Just don't want the hassle of having to walk another dog tbh. Have arthritis and can barely walk my own. Took them separately, one morning and one evening. Ours usually has two a day so missed out for three weeks. Wife feels obliged because they were good to her after our daughter died.

OP posts:
RobinMoseby · 01/08/2019 22:41

It sounds like they looked after your wife in their home for a few weeks? And now she wants to do them a favour in return. That’s what friendship is.

Original poster
Yappy12 · 01/08/2019 22:42

I know. When I said how good they were last year they say that's what friends are for.

OP posts:
drinkygin · 01/08/2019 22:42

Is there any reason you can’t walk them together? Or your wife can’t walk them? Honestly yes I do think you’re being a bit mean. I’d hate to send my dog to kennels and id never dream of accepting payment to care for someone else’s dog. Agreed with @medicmog a token gift would be ok but not payment

Nomorechickens · 01/08/2019 22:43

You said no, they forced you into a situation where you had to take the dog, it's a big inconvenience for you - they should pay you. As they're a friend, a low rate of £10-15 a day plus full cost of food. You need to read them the riot act when they get back, give them an invoice for your services, and tell them that if it happens again you'll call the RSPCA/council dog warden.

Nomorechickens · 01/08/2019 22:44

A house sitter from an agency would cost around £30-40 a day. Someone to take the dog into their home £20-£30 a day. £10 a day is a bargain.

PrayingandHoping · 01/08/2019 22:44

My friend has my dogs when I go away. She is a dog walker but only has friends dogs to stay. I PAY her!

I had another friends dogs for a long weekend when her home boarder couldn't have them for part of the holiday. She paid me.

YANBU!

Catapultaway · 01/08/2019 22:46

So you think they should pay because kennels cost money as an alternative?
But your wife stayed in their house for a few weeks... I assume hotels are free where you're from?

Original poster
Yappy12 · 01/08/2019 22:48

Okay to answer the above points. Differing opinions.My sister always puts their dog in kennels. If you check it out beforehand or get it recommended I don't see the problem.
The dog's strong and has had no lead training so pulls as ours does so don't feel confident taking both together. Wife won't take ours ever, even if I can't for some reason so won't take her too. Yet she's taking her employers' dogs out every morning! She was going mad at the drops of blood everywhere but wasn't my fault as I'd said no originally.

OP posts:
Original poster
Yappy12 · 01/08/2019 22:51

I asked when they came back why they'd not told my wife that evening that she was in season and they said "oh we thought you'd flatly refuse to have her" They could still have her spayed now but won't as it costs £80.

OP posts:
Whisky2014 · 01/08/2019 22:53

Yabu as they've looked after your wife.

But it's fucking weird your wife won't walk your dog. Haven't you asked her why she won't?

Original poster
Yappy12 · 01/08/2019 22:56

She says me and my daughter wanted the dog so not her job to walk her. I had a tummy bug once for 4 days so our dog never got a walk. Strangely she's taking employers two Dachshunds out. Suppose she thinks she has to.

OP posts:
Bitchwood · 01/08/2019 23:03

I personally don't agree with charging friends but they should provide enough food. If you do want to charge it then becomes a service and you will need to have insurance cover. Probably opens a whole other can of worms.

SynchroSwimmer · 01/08/2019 23:04

I feel for you, having also been in similar situations.

In my own experience, when you do help someone out once, in their minds, you have now become their go-to solution for the same help in future.

For the owners, you become the easy option.

Despite me saying “no” and passing on links for half a dozen alternative pet businesses, people still called to pressurise me.

I don’t suppose you can “have an allergy”?.....as you care for other dogs.
...but could you “also be planning to be away in January yourselves”....and away again whenever the next trip is scheduled?

I think you have enough health/mobility issues to make it impractical anyway, and your own pet is missing out on walks....you need to look after yourselves.

Yes, you can repay their friendship - but maybe find a way of doing it in other ways?

Whisky2014 · 01/08/2019 23:04

Wow I couldn't stand to be with someone so petty

Original poster
Yappy12 · 01/08/2019 23:09

Maybe I'm jumping the gun as they've never mentioned January to me but my wife says they're all going again. So far they haven't mentioned the dog. Maybe I am petty. They did bring me two T-shirts back so better than nothing I suppose. Why have a dog if you're not willing to pay kennels when you go away? Or have her spayed.

OP posts:
Original poster
Yappy12 · 01/08/2019 23:11

They have said "Oh we'd like to give you something but just can't afford it" Then next thing I hear they've booked to go again and one air ticket alone is £700.

OP posts:
EileenAlanna · 01/08/2019 23:35

The debt to them is repaid and I'd point out to your wife that she didn't repay it since she did nothing to care for the dog, it was all you.
Tell them clearly that you won't be having it again as it badly interferes with your own dog's routine & your health.

Coffeeandchocolate9 · 01/08/2019 23:43

Say no. Say it often. Tell them if they can afford a plane ticket they can afford to bloody well be responsible and spay her and pay give kennels. Tell them they ow you for food. Tell them no, even of the desperate , you have repaid the wife staying favour (wtf afraid of her daughters ghost?) So NO, no firmly and thrice no. Don't take physically take her. Sut the door on them.

Original poster
Yappy12 · 01/08/2019 23:47

Some Filipinos get afraid when someone has died. Not up to us to knock their beliefs and superstitions.

OP posts:
AvocadosBeforeMortgages · 02/08/2019 00:15

I've never charged friends for looking after their pets - but then I've been perfectly happy to do it. I can't host most animals any more, however, because my own dog is too twatty.

Could you look to see if there's a scheme locally for subsidised spaying that you could point them towards? Staffies are always included in such schemes where they exist, due to their omnipresence in shelters. I'd likely be declining if I didn't want to, but at the very least I'd be insisting that they have her spayed before coming to stay again - they are BVVVU expecting you to get their dog's period blood out of your soft furnishings.