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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for wanting to tell his girlfriend

30 replies

ysmaem · 01/08/2019 20:19

A couple of weekends ago my sister and myself was in a night out and she met a guy she knew from school on a night out. One of the first things she asked him was if he was single and he said he was. She went to find him on Facebook so they could friend each other and when she couldn't find his account he told us he'd deleted his facebook due to a psycho ex harassing him. Nothing overly suspicious there. Things happened between them that night and next morning she phoned me and said she was gutted he didn't have a Facebook so she could message him to meet up again as he was such a genuinely nice bloke. She told me his name and I don't know what made me search for him but I just had a gut instinct and I found his account straight away. Became very apparent he has girlfriend, has loads of photos of them together, very recent ones. It looks very likely he blocked my sister that night so she couldn't find his facebook to see he was in a relationship or for her to contact him. She feels absolutely terrible and guilty but doesn't want to reach out to the girlfriend so she doesn't get the backlash and hate but I'm tempted to teach this low life of a man a lesson by reaching out telling his girlfriend what he's been up to but at the same time I dont want to upset my sister. AIBU?

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 01/08/2019 20:21

I think I would tell her.

Original poster
ysmaem · 01/08/2019 20:21

Forgot to add they did swap mobile numbers but it always goes to voicemail when she tried to call him

OP posts:
IAskTooManyQuestions · 01/08/2019 20:21

I dont want to upset my sister.

^^ theres your answer.

No good comes of shit stirring and meddling

Duchessgummybuns · 01/08/2019 20:22

Just leave it. He’s a twat and no good will come of engaging him further.

But saying he doesn’t have a facebook because of a psycho ex is the reddest of red flags. Don’t be so naive.

Original poster
ysmaem · 01/08/2019 20:27

@duchessgummybuns

Our cousin has had to delete all of her social media beginning of this year due to her ex and father of her children and his entire family sending her constant abuse so for my sister and myself it something we were going to believe. But I understand what you mean.

OP posts:
Atlasta · 01/08/2019 20:28

Keep out of it.It's nothing to do with you.
Your sister was naive. It's the girlfriend I feel sorry for and she will find out what her bf is really like in time but am sure she won't appreciate you wading in looking for drama.

MT2017 · 01/08/2019 20:31

You could drop your sister in all kinds of shit.

Don't do it.

Windygate · 01/08/2019 20:31

'Hi, my sister had a one night stand with your boyfriend, just thought you needed to know. Regards ysmaem' Doesn't sound to clever does it? leave well alone.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 01/08/2019 20:32

Another keep schtum. It's sad for his gf but she won't thank you for telling her.

MyKingdomForACaramel · 01/08/2019 20:36

Oh come on - “he doesn’t have Facebook so I can never contact him again”? He would have had a phone number, an email, etc. Your sister cannot he that naïve surely.

Leave well alone

Original poster
ysmaem · 01/08/2019 20:36

Thanks everyone. I wont be telling the girlfriend anything. I understand its absolutely not my place. I'm just angry at him for hurting my sister and making her feel so bad and for what he's done to his OH. I just wanted to vent on MN

OP posts:
stayfit · 01/08/2019 20:48

I would be tempted to text anonymously using a fake profile. You don't have to mention sisters name but say guy was with some girl on date and time? Your poor sister :(, and he could be doing this to so many girls!

I know some genuinely nice guys (like my partner) didn't have a FB account and couldn't answer phone when we met first due to work but used to email a lot and kept in touch.

QueenoftheBiscuitTin · 01/08/2019 20:49

I'd want to know. I feel sorry for the gf who's unknowingly in a relationship with a cheating twat.

AngelasAshes · 01/08/2019 20:51

And you are positive the FB account you found is his? I only ask because I have a common name and if I tried to find myself with just my name- well there are thousands with exact same first and surname as me.

OldAndWornOut · 01/08/2019 20:51

I feel more sorry for his girlfriend than your sister.

Chloemol · 01/08/2019 20:55

I would PM him, tell him you know what he has done, you don’t want to tell his partner but he is to apologise to your sister and then you won’t take it further, hopefully it would put the fear of god into him

SurvivingCBeebies · 01/08/2019 21:03

I would want to know, he sounds well practised by blocking on social media, at least give his girlfriend the chance to decide (maybe through a burner account)

Branleuse · 01/08/2019 21:07

Keep out of it

formerbabe · 01/08/2019 21:07

You barely know these people. He's a random bloke your sister knew from school. Who gives a shit?!

livinglavidavillanelle · 01/08/2019 21:08

I would want to know. You can do it anonymously, for all we know the poor gf might be planning on having a family with this idiot.

FattyPeddledFuriously999 · 01/08/2019 21:22

I would want to know.

CensorshipHereIsAJoke · 01/08/2019 21:23

@Mt2017
You could drop your sister in all kinds of shit

Why? The sister didn't do anything wrong.

CensorshipHereIsAJoke · 01/08/2019 21:25

And I'd tell the GF.

MT2017 · 01/08/2019 21:31

@CensorshipHereIsAJoke because you don't know how all parties will react.

The GF may well think that op's sister came on to him knowing he had a GF as we don't know what he would tell her to save his arse.

PlinketyPlinketyPlonk · 01/08/2019 21:31

I think your sister must have known deep down. Red flags everywhere. But she liked him regardless and didn't want to acknowledge his blatant lies. I mean, if she genuinely thought there could potentially be anything more than a one night stand with this guy she'd have insisted on meeting for a date first, before bedding him. It's how you weedle out chancers like him. But it just reads to me that she knew, but to exonerate herself of her guilt she's acting innocent and naive, both at the time and now.

I'd leave it in this instance. He'll use these techniques regularly and he will get complacent and cocky. His other half will find put of her own accord eventually.