Please be gentle...first time poster and I'm really at my wits end so I'm hoping this all makes sense!
To cut a potentially long story short(er)- we don't speak to BIL and his wife. They are incredibly self-centred, arrogant and have tried to bully me for years (icing me out, blanking me when we were all together as a family, acting like I wasn't there when I try to speak to them etc.). We have never had a proper answer as to why this started but it appears it's because I started working extra hours on weekends and they were 'offended' that I did not come along to family events very often (!!). They have been increasingly unreasonable and nasty with absolutely no regard or respect for personal boundaries. After 4 years of this behaviour myself and DH said we no longer wish to be around such a horrible, uncomfortable environment. We have never retaliated back to their ongoing nasty comments just said we do not want to be around this anymore. Our children still see BIL when they are with FIL and MIL (although DD has also always disliked being around BIL since she was very small due to his pushy behaviour).
After a lot of effort (!) we recently planned to have a day out with MIL and a few other extended family members on saturday. The same family members will be spending the whole day with BIL and his family the next day (sunday). However, MIL has reported her saturday plans back to BIL who is now enraged, saying they are going to turn up where we are on the saturday and we can't stop them from doing so. Worse still, MIL is now furious with us, saying she can't understand why we won't just accept this and we shouldn't have a problem with it. I am now feeling extremely uncomfortable with the way things are going. Especially as our children had chosen what we were doing and were really excited to have us present when they see MIL (as she usually just wants to take our children and do things without me and DH there).
I feel as though BIL is losing his mind because he has never had anyone say no to him before. I am becoming increasingly concerned about his OTT behaviour and it is making me feel uncomfortable having my children around BIL at all because they seem to be set on playing games and using our own children as a weapon against us (there is far more that has happened than I can go into on this post!). Everytime I think this situation can't get anymore ridiculous it does and I'm now worried about what is going to come next. BIL, his wife and MIL are now saying we are stopping BIL from seeing our children because we won't do exactly as they say - we haven't stopped them at all (they still see them more often than my siblings who I am on great terms with!), but I am now considering limiting his access (which I never thought I would say) due to his worryingly narcissistic behaviour.
I know this might sound a bit dramatic....but I suppose my main question is does he have any legal 'right' to our children? He is very wealthy in comparison to us and I wouldn't put it past him to go to some extreme lengths to get his own way if we pull back from him even more.