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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I'm too gullible

49 replies

Dumbledorker · 01/08/2019 11:09

I feel like such a fool. A married couple that me and my ex know mutually rang me out of the blue about 2 weeks ago. This couple were so lovely and I liked spending time with them. They were great with our kids and we used to go for a drink with them or catch up over a coffee at each others homes etc. When me and my ex husband split up we lost touch as it was a bit awkward I suppose. We stayed friends in social media but didnt talk much apart from the odd 'like' on photos and posts etc.

So yes, they rung me out of the blue and apologised for the circumstances but basically told me they are sat at present with a bailiff who is threatening to take items out of their home unless they can come up with some money. Their home from what I understand was the guys mums house before she died and so alot of the items were originally hers. They sounded in despair and didnt know what to do. They asked if they could borrow some money and it would be returned to me within a few days once they had got a refund back from a holiday they have had to cancel due to this situation they were in. I asked on the phone clearly if they could guarantee the money back. He said definitely and theh wouldnt do that to me.
I had no reason to trust them at all and so told them I only have £1k to spare as I had it in my savings for if my car breaks down etc as I travel in my car for my job. It's also to take the kids away for a few days in the school holidays.
They were very appreciative and stayed in touch for a few days even asking for my bank details to transfer the money back over .
4 days later I messaged and asked if everything was ok and if they had got my message with the bank details. It was on WhatsApp and it only showed 1 grey tick. Not delivered. So I messaged the guys number. No response. Now I cant get in touch at all. I feel so stupid and so hurt too.
Can they get done for this if I went to the police or is it my fault? I'm torn because i still feel like I'd be hurting them if I did go to the police or small claims court. I need the money. I have a part time job and I'm on low income with 3 pound children. A house to run . A car to run. I'm in my car all day and I'm terrified of it breaking down and not being able to work . What do I do ? Am I gullible or is it just me being a good friend like I thought I was doing ?

OP posts:
AuntyMarysBigRedPants · 01/08/2019 11:13

They have taken you for a ride, so sorry

Nautiloid · 01/08/2019 11:16

Oh I really feel for you. You sound like such a lovely thoughtful person. It seems likely to me that they were desperate as they said but for whatever reason the money to pay you back has not been forthcoming.
I'm not an expert on what you do now but in future never lend money you can't afford to lose. Flowers

Teddybear45 · 01/08/2019 11:16

Did you transfer the money to them? If so contact your bank. This falls under scams and many banks will consider at least part of a refund, especially if there’s evidence they’ve done it before (which they probably have) and yet the account still has been kept open.

Original poster
Dumbledorker · 01/08/2019 11:27

I transferred it over the phone to the bailiff which in my eyes meant it was definitely going to them and not been spent elsewhere. The transaction says "court enforcement" so I know it was legit . The man had a strong london accent too where as we are from yorkshire.
He works with my ex husband and asked if I could keep it a secret that I have lent them money. I'm assuming through shame/embarrassment as he works very very closely with him so I'm assuming he doesnt want all the lads at work to know they are in shit with money. The messages afterwards were so nice though and they said they were glad they had rung as they had missed me and the kids and when they are in a better position they will take me out for a drink to say thankyou. I just dont understand. In the next few weeks I'm going to incur charges with my bank for going overdrawn and so it will have cost me in the long run to lend then the money. I've never had anything like this happen to me before. I feel so so hurt.

OP posts:
StopMakingATitOfUrselfNPissOff · 01/08/2019 11:30

Tell your ex! Screw them now, they've tried to do you over, you owe them nothing

Jupiters · 01/08/2019 11:31

Unfortunately as you've entered into a civil agreement the police won't get involved. You'll need to take action through the small claims court.
How civil is your relationship with your ex? Could you speak to him to get him to speak to the guy (as they work together)?

Wishihad · 01/08/2019 11:32

Do you have anything in writing from them?

RedHelenB · 01/08/2019 11:32

If they owed money to the stage of bailiffs visiting there is no chance of you getting the money back as they dont have it.

Chalk it up to experience. Very unpleasant for you but a lesson learned as others gave said joy to lend more than you can afford to lose

Raspberrytruffle · 01/08/2019 11:32

Name and shame them on social media, it's tacky but they are tacky and is the least they deserve. It will make there bum twitch

HeyMonkey · 01/08/2019 11:36

I'd contact the police.

Wishihad · 01/08/2019 11:37

I'd contact the police.

On what basis?

IAskTooManyQuestions · 01/08/2019 11:42

He works with my ex husband and asked if I could keep it a secret that I have lent them money. I'm assuming through shame/embarrassment as he works very very closely with him so I'm assuming he doesnt want all the lads at work to know they are in shit with money.

You have to tell your ex husband, you may no want o, but nonetheless he' probably the one who can exert pressure to get the money back, although I regret it is very unlikely.

The police wont do anything, you entered into this voluntarily . Hind sight is a wonderful thing, the small claims court wont touch it, ther is no contract in place.

Im afraid, this is one of those you chalk up to experience Sad

Puzzledandpissedoff · 01/08/2019 11:44

The transaction says "court enforcement" so I know it was legit

Yes, and those constant scamming emails say "HMRC", "TV Licensing" or the name of your bank but they're not legit are they?

I'm genuinely sorry this has happened, but they've quite clearly done you over and the police simply won't be interested as it's a civil matter and you handed over the money willingly. In future you might want to treat "bailiff stories" from folk you hardly ever see with the suspicion they deserve

gobbynorthernbird · 01/08/2019 11:45

CCMCC can potentially help.

However, it will cost money to issue and that needs to be done properly (after a letter of claim). Enforcement also costs money. And OP needs to weigh up if she'll get any of that back.

Nautiloid · 01/08/2019 11:46

Or have they asked you to keep it a secret because they've tapped him up as well. Do you get on with him? If so, speaking to him about it is your best chance of getting at least some of the money back in the long term, though I think you need to assume at this stage that it won't be returned.
It's crap but you can't think about their feelings at this stage, cutting contact is a terrible way to treat you and they aren't your friends.

Missingstreetlife · 01/08/2019 11:49

Contact him at work. If he dies work with your ex then out him.

MummytoCSJH · 01/08/2019 11:49

Sorry, yes, you were gullible. You won't see a penny of that money back. You can try with bank/police but you might as well have been gifting it to them so they likely won't be able to do anything. The best thing to do is to write off the money and never do anything like this for anyone again.

Teaandchocolatecake · 01/08/2019 11:50

Small claims court.

I would also tell your ex husband if you are on good terms.

Original poster
Dumbledorker · 01/08/2019 11:50

Thankyou for your replies. I cant believe this is happening I'm in such a mess. Why have I done this Sad

OP posts:
Cakeisbest · 01/08/2019 11:50

Maybe his phone contract has been cancelled due to non payment. Do you know where they live, can you go round there to see what’s going on?

Nautiloid · 01/08/2019 11:50

Example...a friend of mine borrowed money from me when leaving her abusive ex.
I knew paying it back would be very hard for her and stressed that it could be a gift, but she didn't want that.
She was unable to pay me back so she came to see me and explained the situation and apologised.
We're now a couple of years on, her circumstances have improved and she pays me back a small amount weekly. I wouldn't care whether she did or not, because if I'd needed the money, I wouldn't have offered it to her even though I love her because my needs are equally important.
She is paying it back because she wants to.
That's friendship. This isn't.

Teaandchocolatecake · 01/08/2019 11:51

It may be worth speaking to your bank to see if they can help but I don’t think they’ll be able to.

Nautiloid · 01/08/2019 11:53

Oh don't waste time beating yourself up for being a kind, trusting person. They are the shits here, not you.

mussolini9 · 01/08/2019 12:02

I'm torn because i still feel like I'd be hurting them if I did go to the police or small claims court.

OP, why are you torn?
You are struggling to keep on top of your own finances as a single parent, while they own a home given to them by the guy's mum ...

Sadly, I don't thik you have any recourse, because they did NOT give you any "guarantee". A guarantee needs to be in writing. You could chase them through small claims (this is quite a simple process & the clerk will assist you as necessary) - but unfortunately they are scam artists who will be wise to that & will probably lie that you gave the the money as a gift.

Please don't waste any time 'feeling like a fool'.
Your good nature was callously taken advantage of by a couple of scammers.
At worst, you've learned an expensive lesson & will never get caught like this again. I'm so sorry this happened to you & hope you can start putting at least a few quid away to rebuild your savings account xx

Original poster
Dumbledorker · 01/08/2019 12:04

Would the messages exchanged between us be any proof ? We have discussed over WhatsApp and text about the days that they said they would be paying it into my bank. Then asking for my bank details too

OP posts: