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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I'm too gullible

49 replies

Dumbledorker · 01/08/2019 11:09

I feel like such a fool. A married couple that me and my ex know mutually rang me out of the blue about 2 weeks ago. This couple were so lovely and I liked spending time with them. They were great with our kids and we used to go for a drink with them or catch up over a coffee at each others homes etc. When me and my ex husband split up we lost touch as it was a bit awkward I suppose. We stayed friends in social media but didnt talk much apart from the odd 'like' on photos and posts etc.

So yes, they rung me out of the blue and apologised for the circumstances but basically told me they are sat at present with a bailiff who is threatening to take items out of their home unless they can come up with some money. Their home from what I understand was the guys mums house before she died and so alot of the items were originally hers. They sounded in despair and didnt know what to do. They asked if they could borrow some money and it would be returned to me within a few days once they had got a refund back from a holiday they have had to cancel due to this situation they were in. I asked on the phone clearly if they could guarantee the money back. He said definitely and theh wouldnt do that to me.
I had no reason to trust them at all and so told them I only have £1k to spare as I had it in my savings for if my car breaks down etc as I travel in my car for my job. It's also to take the kids away for a few days in the school holidays.
They were very appreciative and stayed in touch for a few days even asking for my bank details to transfer the money back over .
4 days later I messaged and asked if everything was ok and if they had got my message with the bank details. It was on WhatsApp and it only showed 1 grey tick. Not delivered. So I messaged the guys number. No response. Now I cant get in touch at all. I feel so stupid and so hurt too.
Can they get done for this if I went to the police or is it my fault? I'm torn because i still feel like I'd be hurting them if I did go to the police or small claims court. I need the money. I have a part time job and I'm on low income with 3 pound children. A house to run . A car to run. I'm in my car all day and I'm terrified of it breaking down and not being able to work . What do I do ? Am I gullible or is it just me being a good friend like I thought I was doing ?

OP posts:

Nautiloid · 01/08/2019 12:29

I don't know, but the trouble with small claims court is that they have to have the money to be able to pay it.
I was like you once with my tenants. They couldn't pay one month, and I said they could pay later, well of course it got worse and by the time I got wise and evicted them, which took months, I was down £2500 which I desperately needed as I am a landlord by necessity not choice.
Took them to court and it was awarded in my favour, but I've never seen a penny.

Gorse · 01/08/2019 12:30

Dumbledorker, I have seen similar cases on TV small claims courts (Judge Judy & Judge Rinder - ok, I'm retired!) but anyway, having text messages to hand has absolutely swayed the judgement in favour of the wronged party. It doesn't cost a lot to take someone to the small claims court, £30 or £40 I think. Get some advice, Citizens advice or a free 30 minute consultation with a solicitor.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 01/08/2019 12:38

the trouble with small claims court is that they have to have the money to be able to pay it

Exactly - and you can guarantee that anyone prepared to do this will be pretty good at hiding whatever money they do have

Unfortunately I doubt OP's the first they've scammed and I don't suppose she'll be the last

Seahorseshoe · 01/08/2019 12:44

What an absolute pain in the ass.

Yes, in hindsight, why help people you do not know? "Sorry, I'd like to help you but don't have the means to".

You say you are Facebook friends, I would bloody well go on to their page and demand they give you the money back. I'd be livid.

Get in touch with your ex husband too. Yes, they've probably stollen from you, they've taken you for a mug. Time to fight back. I really hope you get a good outcome on this.

RubberTreePlant · 01/08/2019 12:45

They're probably not 'scamming' you as such, more in a pickle, panicking and robbing Peter to pay Paul.

A holiday refund was always quite a dicey prospect to repay you with. I'd imagine they didn't get it. Or they did and spent it on food/petrol.

But not updating you is incredibly rude of them.

Put in a claim via the small claims process.

Nesssie · 01/08/2019 12:48

You used your only savings to pay off a £1000 debt for people you barely know anymore

Sorry OP but they are long gone. If its got to the stage that bailiffs are at their door, then a small claims court etc isn't going to help. They've been ignoring court orders for months, they aren't going to pay you back.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 01/08/2019 12:49

Actually, Facebook could be quite interesting for once - there'll probably be photos of the holiday I suspect they'll still take (and which you've no doubt helped to pay for )

Except they'll no doubt block you before then

WaxOnFeckOff · 01/08/2019 12:54

So sorry you are in this position OP but I'm guessing that they've either already tapped your ex or he's told them to sling it as he's had his fingers burned already. I'd imagine the holiday was fictional or a very unwise booking. If you are being chased for debts to the extent that the bailiffs arrive then you don't book a holiday. How would they have the means to? Its not like the bailiffs arrive out the blue because you missed a payment for gas bill.

Speak to your ex and establish if the guy even still works there.

Bunglefromrainbow · 01/08/2019 12:58

Why have I done this

OP, you'll either get the money back or you won't, hopefully you will but probably a good idea to emotionally write it off even if you intend to pursue it (which I'd advise).
Either way it's a lesson learned and hopefully not one that will leave you in a desperate financial state.
But the reason you've done this is because you are a caring, trusting person who will go well beyond what most people would for someone they've previously had a good relationship with.

Good people get taken advantage of too often and this time it has happened to you. It was a mistake anyone could have made in the heat of the moment so don't beat yourself up.

You are clearly a good person.

Original poster

Dumbledorker · 02/08/2019 22:12

Thankyou everyone. I messaged again today after I tried to ring and no answer. Told them about a letter I have recieved today about rent arrears.

OP posts:

icelollycraving · 02/08/2019 22:15

Tell your ex. Is this affecting his children? As in are his kids missing out because you’ve lent them this money?

adaline · 02/08/2019 22:23

Why on earth did you give them the money in the first place?

apacketofcrisps · 02/08/2019 22:29

Yeah best wave goodbye to that money.

MostlyAmbridgeandcoffee · 02/08/2019 22:37

You’ve been scammed. You should immediately contact your bank they may be able to trace / get the money back (though unlikely given the time that has passed). Your bank will do a fraud investigation and you may get the money back. The money has not gone to a genuine bailiff. Worth contacting the police definitely as you have been defrauded ! Definitely tell your ex H. Sorry this happened to you.

oyoyoy · 02/08/2019 22:50

I reckon they've scammed your ex as well which is why they made you promise not to tell him. Tell him ASAP and take the CFs to the small claims court.

icelollycraving · 02/08/2019 22:56

Small claims sounds stressful and is only worth doing if they will pay it back. Kiss it goodbye.
It’s the age old don’t lend more than you can afford to lose.

dontfluffthefluffer · 02/08/2019 23:13

Do you know which bailiffs? Maybe call the bank as, if it's a legitimate bailiff, they should know at least which company it is. Call and find out. At least then you'd know if it was legitimate or not.

Doesn't solve the -£1000 you've got I'm afraid but if it's not a legitimate one I'd be putting in a fraud/scam complaint for them to try and recoup the money.

BumbleBeee69 · 02/08/2019 23:19

Tell your Ex.

katewhinesalot · 02/08/2019 23:26

Lesson learnt the hard way. Good luck in getting it back. Maybe they are on holiday and will pay when they get back?

Tell your ex.

LaMainDeFatima · 02/08/2019 23:38

Can you go round to their house ?

Raspberrytruffle · 06/08/2019 05:19

How are you OP? Have you managed to get it sorted?

Elliebellbell · 06/08/2019 07:12

Tell your ex and the bank, it's not a police matter and small claims won't help in physically getting the money back.

Not sure why you're mentioning letters about rent arrrears to them, they won't give a stuff and why you're lending money when you can't afford your own rent is crazy.

It's done now unfortunately and it's very unlikely you'll get the money back but don't spare their blushes in the meantime.

Saddler · 06/08/2019 07:46

Sorry to hear about this behaviour

Saddler · 06/08/2019 07:46

Sorry to hear about this behaviour

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