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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am being made a mug of ?

47 replies

Everhappy · 01/08/2019 09:38

When my boyfriend of a year goes away with his mates for weekends or holidays abroad, he always sees me two or three days before he leaves and when he gets back , he waits another couple of days to see me . I am free to meet him anytime, would love to see him and tell him so . He says he needs time to build up to holidays and weekends away , time to pack and plan for the break and when he gets back, time to relax and unwind for a few days . Is this normal? I don’t get to go on holidays or weekends away with him . Should I expect more after a year ?

OP posts:
Original poster
Everhappy · 01/08/2019 09:44

We live in the same village.

OP posts:
Bringmewineandcake · 01/08/2019 09:50

That’s so weird. I can understand maybe before a holiday...but before and after weekends away? Is he retirement age? Is there also any particular reason you haven’t had a weekend away together?

Original poster
Everhappy · 01/08/2019 10:05

He is 34 and I am his first serious girlfriend. We have had a night way together and a weekend away to a wedding with his folks during the year but I am regularly skint and he likes to have holidays and time with his mates and brothers.

OP posts:
Original poster
Everhappy · 01/08/2019 10:16

Anyone else? Is he taking the piss?

OP posts:
Scorpiovenus · 01/08/2019 10:18

Yep your a mug

Scorpiovenus · 01/08/2019 10:19

He is majorly wasting your time.

Flush his ass and find a better man :)

Arthur2shedsJackson · 01/08/2019 10:19

Yes

Jupiters · 01/08/2019 10:22

It doesn't sound very promising to me. Try telling him how you feel and if nothing changes have a good think about what you want in the future.

Butterymuffin · 01/08/2019 10:25

Nothing wrong with down time, but his approach makes it sound like it's a massive ordeal spending time with you that he has to brace himself for. Hardly what you want in a partner! I would rethink this relationship.

ErrolTheDragon · 01/08/2019 10:26

He says he needs time to build up to holidays and weekends away , time to pack and plan for the break and when he gets back, time to relax and unwind for a few days . Is this normal?

No. Wtf is he doing on his boys breaks that he needs to relax and unwind after?Confused

It sort of sounds like he's not really very fond of the company of women. Is it possible he is in some sort of relationship with you because he feels he 'should' be?

It may be that he's by nature a confirmed bachelor, which doesn't necessarily mean gay.

pippistrelle · 01/08/2019 10:26

I like a bit of space myself, but that's not great.

Find yourself someone who can't wait to see you.

BertrandRussell · 01/08/2019 10:27

Dump.

CitadelsofScience · 01/08/2019 10:30

A man of 34 who regularly goes away on lads breaks and holidays would be dumped by me.

Mintjulia · 01/08/2019 10:36

The evening before to pack, ok, and maybe the evening he gets home to get some food, in & throw everything in the wash, but unless he is getting so wasted that he needs a couple of days to recover, it’s a bit odd.

It doesn’t sound like he misses you, does it?

KUGA · 01/08/2019 10:42

34 years old,12 years old mentally.
He needs to grow up and you need to get rid.
That's not how relationships work.

Juells · 01/08/2019 10:46

He doesn't want to exhaust himself so he can have fun while away, and when he gets back he's recovering from all the shagging.

Skittlenommer · 01/08/2019 10:47

My husband is the same before and after trips. He’ll go really reclusive for about two days after we’ve been away because he’s tired with the travelling etc. Needs times alone (as do I).

If someone has no children (like we don’t) I don’t see why regular holidays etc at 34 is a problem!

Maybe tell him you’d like to do a few more couple get aways with him. Not agreeing to that after a year would be a problem.

Sizeofalentil · 01/08/2019 10:48

Is he quite introverted? If so, the holidays might drain him mentally meaning he needs a few days to recharge.

NCforthis2019 · 01/08/2019 10:48

Mug.

NCforthis2019 · 01/08/2019 10:49

Sorry op.

Original poster
Everhappy · 01/08/2019 10:49

I thought these might be the answers . No hope?

OP posts:
Booboo66 · 01/08/2019 10:53

I'm going to go against the grain. Maybe he's tired and hungover, and doesn't like going out and leaving mess. I always come back from holidays exhausted and am like a hermit for a few days. It takes me a couple of days just to be able to face the unpacking. (Mine is holidays with dc but not sure that makes a difference). I don't actually see a problem with a man in his early 30's with no dependants having blokes holidays. Sounds like your financial situation is the reason some of those aren't with you which isn't really his fault.

GrassAndDaisies · 01/08/2019 10:58

Sounds like a perennial bachelor.

k1233 · 01/08/2019 11:01

Different perspective. I find people draining. If I have a weekend with people, I normally take a day before and after. Before so my house jobs that won't be done on the weekend get done and after as I need quite time away from people to recharge.

Some people just find interacting with people very draining and need alone time.

k1233 · 01/08/2019 11:02

Gah, quiet not bloody quite!