to ask you to share your "awful colleague" stories with me?

[smokeytoby]

I have the pleasure of working with someone absolutely insufferable.

She is at least forty years older than myself, and I believe it is for this reason that she finds it justifiable to treat me like an idiot. She is rude to me, inconsiderate, critiques everything I do (even if it isn't actually incorrect) and as far as she is concerned, the sun shines out of her peachy arse. ARGH.

She was nasty to me today in front of our boss, and while I just shrugged it off as I have found this is the easiest way to deal with her, my boss called her out on it, asked her why she thought it was acceptable to speak to me like that and had a stern word with her (much to my amusement).

Please tell me I'm not alone?! Has anyone else worked with someone rude, and if so, how did you deal with it?

I'm not going to run to HR telling tales, and my boss knows what she is like but tends to adopt the same 'shrug it off' idea as myself when it comes to dealing with her.

Any phrases or techniques on how to deal with shitty colleagues? Or tales of a colleague even worse than mine?

Trainee made tea for the team. Whilst in kitchen, dropped his kecks and dipped his balls in colleagues tea (obviously unbeknownst to colleague!) and gave it to him. Colleague drank it. Trainee then posted video of balldipping on social media with colleague tagged.

Unsurprisingly, was fired immediately.

Can’t to this day work out how he didn’t give himself very painful burns.

I used to work somewhere that a lady needed a colostomy bag. She left evidence of her poor use of this in the toilets. It was widely known never to use her chair or sit in her part of the office. She was the most incompetent, aggressive and protected person I've ever come across - it seemed because she had medical issues, the fact she was grossly incompetent, lazy and rude was irrelevant. One day, it cane to notice that some people were completely failing to do a significant part of their job at appraisal time - think numbers of particular jobs to evidence hard work. It transpired that rather than inputting the evidence of this into the computer system, as was her job AND LEGAL REQUIREMENT, she'd been shredding the forms. And still didn't lose her job. And continued to be rude and vile to everyone she came into contact with.

A few arseholes but a corker was one woman who decided that as I was "a mother" and a "single parent" she could pretty much say anything to me like
So your a mum right, how do I get the stink out of my leather shoes?
My answer was throw them in the washing machine.
Her, how dare you talk about retiring and how much you will love it. It was idle chit chat with someone that she earwigged.
She would ask me to turn round and face her so she could tell me in minute detail what to put in an email to x. By the time she finished telling me she could have just done it.
Her mate there (she only had the one mate in work) totally fucked up a spreadsheet and asked me to fix it. I said no too busy. She was livid and told me next time 'mate' told me to fix her mess I should drop everything and do it.
I lasted 5 months with her. Could not wait to leave.

My old colleague once left her key in our shared office and i’d gone out for lunch. She called to find out when i’d Be back and I explained where I was (in case she wanted to collect my key) and said how long i’d Be. When I arrived back she screamed at me for 15 minutes calling me a ‘selfish fucking bitch’ because I didn’t leave my lunch that i’d Just paid for in a cafe to bring back the key. Lots of other similar examples.

I lost all my hair, my daughter was having medical issues we hadn't yet diagnosed and I had pneumonia and my boss and all my colleagues blocked me on social media.... I was called into work meetings saying I didn't have pneumonia even though I had several sicklines from my gp :(

I'm a carer now for my little girl, but it's really put me off work

My boss insists he is a textbook leader and that we should all fall at his feet. I sat in a meeting where he explained to two black colleagues what racism is. He is a middle aged white man.

@Nautiloid I worked with a guy who claimed to know loads of celebrities and claimed to be BFFs with a huge celebrity (from the US and we're in London). One of my team was shocked when I suggested it might not be true, a week after he spent his 50th birthday with people from work - he'd been there less than a year - in the local pub!

I used to work with a woman who hated her boss and built a wall of cardboard boxes between them so she wouldn’t be able to see her. She had a handbag mirror stuck to her computer monitor so she knew if anyone came in and was checking up on her.

I was outside the office one day and my new boss was on the phone to a friend saying the job was going well and would be even better once she had got rid of Pussy then said friend could have her job. She waited seven years for me to leave, I am stubborn that way.

Started a new job about six months ago. I've been getting on great with everyone, was really happy.

I came back from holiday recently and a colleague who started working about the same time as me has suddenly started ordering me about in a way that suggests he thinks I'm an idiot.

We work on a rotating pattern, so take on different positions and move place every half hour. Last week, having more or less told me off for "being in the wrong place" (his opinion, pretty sure it was because I was in the position he wanted to be in) he then took me aside and started to explain the rotations, again treating me as if I was stupid.

By the end of this, I had tears in my eyes. He kept asking over and over whether I had understood. I said I had understood, and headed back to the position I was now in. Instead of going to his own position, he followed me and asked again if I had understood. I repeated that I had and he started to ask me why I was crying. He literally stood beside me, alternating these questions in a demanding way and continuing, even after I asked him to go away and leave me alone. I literally had to leave my position and walk out to get away.

I returned after a couple of minutes, when he had finally gone. Now he's barely speaking to me. I also noticed, after the crying incident, that he suddenly started to be massively pally and friendly to all the other staff.

Not sure if there's anything I can directly do about him. Suspect if I report him, he'll convince them it's me who was at fault. He reminds me very much of a man who abused me years ago in a relationship. I'm trying to ignore him for now, and being friendly to the other staff and not complain at all about him as I fear being gaslighted.

Pretty pissed off as I really need this job and was very relieved to get it as I'd had a lot of time off sick in the past couple of years and thought I might not work again. Also in the last two jobs I've had, I've managed to get on with everyone, despite one of them being quite a toxic environment.

Oddly, another colleague told me today that she suspects him of being an abuser as well. It's incredibly frustrating as until recently, he'd been very friendly, but now his six months probation is over, we're probably seeing his true colours.

How to deal? I'm going for Grey Rock (thanks fellow Mumsnetters!). Don't know if it would be suitable for your situation OP as rudeness isn't necessarily the same thing as what I'm describing, but I hope things get more comfortable for you.

Ugh where to start! Not least because due to odd personal circumstances (army dependent for many years - dad then exh) I've had a LOT of jobs!

There's the usual lazy, gossipy, stirring types you get EVERYWHERE.

But in addition I've had

The ones who were (often only slightly) older than me that hated that I was their boss and thought they should have been promoted above me PURELY because they'd been there longer DESPITE not having the relevant qualifications, experience or indeed work ethic!

The ones who didn't like working with women full stop and/or who were sexually harassing arseholes! Gets less of a problem as one gets older of course, but now I get angry as dd is dealing with this bullshit and seemingly little has changed in 20+ years! Although dd seems to have a pretty decent boss (also male) who is quite protective of her and the other women on the team especially the young ones, but of course as ever the arseholes are rarely stupid/brave enough to do anything in front of witnesses.

Funnily enough I've worked in VERY much male dominated industries where you might expect such issues and found they were much less likely to happen there. It happened more where there was a 50/50 Ish mix.

But the WORST were the 2 bullies. BOTH women.

First took the absolute piss out of my nationality and accent but was careful to make the worst comments when there were no witnesses about. But then when I stopped rising to it, stepped matters up and actively made my job more difficult than necessary - but again cleverly (she'd been there much longer and so knew how) in such a way as it was difficult to prove. I left for another job.

2nd bully, this time was worse as she was my line manager, quite honestly if she'd been present at my interview I wouldn't have taken the job because as soon as I met her I knew she was nasty (it was only after leaving the job I learned of the VERY high staff turnover in my role and that the higher management KNEW what she was like but Cba to deal with her!), more pisstake of accent, upon learning of my mh DX used it against me REPEATEDLY, made it "public" within my workplace, gaslit me into thinking I was making mistakes (I set up certain things to check if it was me or her inc having another colleague checking where I was putting certain things/sending them email copies of work etc - this led to it becoming CLEAR she was deliberately screwing with me! I'm talking moving files, editing work to add mistakes etc), set impossible deadlines (several occasions where she'd screwed up not passing a job to me when she was supposed to then outright lying that she'd done so days before she actually did, leaving me rushing to get it finished) etc

She also did petty but very annoying things like timing my loo and other breaks TO THE SECOND and would comment if she thought I took too long! Critiquing what I was eating (she was very overweight, at the time I was slim), criticising my tone of voice on the phone and my EXACT word usage - one example she didn't like me saying "hello X company graphista speaking how may I help you?" She INSISTED I answer saying "good morning/good afternoon X company..." Which given we had many international clients probably calling from different time zones was just ridiculous! It threw them if it were morning here but afternoon where they were.

At one point I got a 40 min lecture about the use of a comma that she considered was incorrect (she was wrong!) in an email! She was a general manager with no administrative or language qualifications (her qualifications were on the accountancy side of things), I have an English degree and several administration qualifications!

I wasn't strong enough at the time to deal with it which I very much regret. I felt unable to take such "pettiness" to higher management, but given I ended up quitting anyway I very much feel if I am EVER in that position again fuck it, I'm taking it higher, because I've nothing to lose anyway if it's that or quit/be made ill again.

Total fucking bitch!

I'm also now (mainly thanks to mn) better informed of my rights and which avenues of support are available to me. Although kinda locked myself for not taking the advice I give everyone else to join the relevant Union AS SOON as you get a new job, which I usually do, but I wasn't quite myself at the time, definitely doing that next time!

Solidarity to all the rest of you who've had crap colleagues especially crap bosses!

Jayay - have you someone higher than "the boss" you can speak to? Is it a place big enough to have a hr dept? So sorry you're going through that

Cstaff - your post reminded me of a job interview I went to. Admin role for a well known "premium" high street company. The lady doing the interview (at 0915 as I recall) was SO DRUNK she fell off the chair TWICE during the interview! I was offered the job - needless to say I turned it down (she'd have been my boss)

when i was 21 i managed a restaurant and we had a 40-something year old waitress who had been there many years. as far as im aware she had never even tried to get a management position. she used to have a real problem with me because of my age and would correct everything i did. if i gave directions to staff members she would go to them and tell them to do something else. she also had a habit of being first to get the work rota's and switching things round and changing peoples hours!!! I didnt always spot this (it was a daily occurance) but she once told a member of staff they could have the weekend off "to go home to see their family" and she would sort it. the staff member assumed she would cover the shifts and left, however she didnt and called me a mean bitch when i tried to speak to her about it!!

she also liked to correct me in front of customers and talk over me! "this is how we were doing it before you were even born were some of her favourite words. Unfortunately the owner wouldnt sack her for some reason, despite my constant complaints and referrals to HR.

i left when i was late 20s as i got a promotion in a larger restaurant and, 20 years later, shes still there making managements lives hell!

I have quite a few but the worst was my last job before becoming a SAHM.

I was a long-term temp for a finance company. Basically I was there to answer questions for existing customers. My manager was nice, colleague who had been there since the companies inception (or so she would have people believe and they bought it), did not.

When my manager had secured me a permanent position this colleague started a war against me. Manager and I had discussed my health condition early into my temp started, she knew I was prescribed strong synthetic painkillers for this condition. It didn’t affect my work or my home life so it wasn’t a concern.

Colleague went to the new MD of the company and told him a very delightful tale of my being addicted to painkillers, that I was a “liability if she had ever seen one”. My manager came to me in tears later that day to tell me the permanent contract had been revoked (it hadn’t been filed with HR yet) and that she had to let me go.

The health condition was Endometriosis, I’d been told that year that without surgery to remove the damaged Fallopian tube and Ovary it would only get worse. When I had the surgery I was told I’d likely never conceive without assistance. This was all prior to losing my job.

After I was fired I stayed out of work for a few months and DH supported this (in fact he suggested it) three months or so after I was fired I fell pregnant with my twins

I currently work with a nightmare woman. Never happy about anything and any opportunity to slag off other staff/management/the job she's all over if. She's exhausting and unprofessional.

Then there was the time I was 18 and working in a nursery. I'd been asked by the assistant manager whilst outside with the children if I was free on X date for a staff meeting. I responded that I wasn't sure, so before I committed to it, I'd check my diary when I had a break. Thought that was reasonable. She seemed happy with that and didn't offer to cover me so I could check then and there. A few minutes later I popped inside to get something for one of the children and overhead the assistant manager and the owner/manager talking in the kitchen. The assistant manager was bitching that I'd said that I needed to check my diary and the owner/manager replied 'yeah, I just really want to sack her'. It was like a punch in the gut. Nice as pie to my face.
I tend to call people out on things though, more so now than then, but this bothered me so much that as soon as I got the opportunity later the day, I popped up to the office and requested an immediate chat with them both. I asked them straight what exactly it was that I'd done to annoy them/ignite such a desire to sack me. I don't remember exactly what was said but I recall a significant degree of back pedaling and apologies.

The owner/manager was a toxic piece of work and there's even an ancient thread here on MN dedicated to her business and her (not started by me I hasten to add) that I stumbled across a few years ago.

I was in a fixed term contract role. Did my job, got great feedback, made strides forward for the project but decided not to take the perm role offered. My boss then blanked me and would not explain what she wanted me to do.(lots of changing of minds).I had to guess.

Since the boss turned against me, her PA turned and complained about my phone calls (occasional whispered call in kitchen lasting 30 secs), whereas PA would laugh loudly and chat for 2-3 hours a day on the phone to her mates.
Final nail for me was big boss (from another building) called PA out on her foul language. He said "Demi does not swear- be more like her'. I left about 3 weeks later as the atmosphere was too tense.

Apparently that office got through a LOT of staff!

I worked in a small law firm in a regional city in Australia. There were about 20 staff and we had a great esprit De corps. Then Pearl arrived.

Within three weeks Pearl had cut through the staff like a knife through hot butter. There were tears, resignations, factions. It was insane! Pearl took a general admin support staff role. Pearl told everyone that she was employed to change the direction of the firm and make it amazing. Pearl told endless lies about owning multimillion dollar mansions in New Zealand. Pearl practically had law degrees in 40 jurisdictions but “insert tragic life event” none were completed. Pearl told stories that anyone with any critical thinking skills would immediately spot as false. But hardly anyone did. The office quickly divided into pro-Pearl and anti-Pearl factions. Both factions believed Pearl’s bullshitting but the anti-Pearl faction saw her as a threat and the pro-Pearl faction saw her as the second coming.

I was in a third small group of about five. We saw through Pearl and watched in bewilderment as our previously sensible level-headed colleagues went mad. My group decided Pearl must exude some pheromone to which we were luckily immune. Pearl had a small legal dispute of about $800. It resulted in three staff off the books (none lawyers) researching, making calls, getting angry and crying hysterically as they tried to solve it for Pearl. One staff member, a single mum who really needed her job, resigned because none of the lawyers wanted to get involved and take Pearl’s small claim to the Supreme Court. The pro-Pearl faction tried to get the anti-Pearl faction fired en masse due to their ‘bullying’ of Pearl.

After six weeks, her work of evil done, Pearl resigned. The pro-Pearl faction were furious she wasn’t given a leaving lunch which only long-standing employees got upon leaving. They managed to get Pearl a leaving present of a gift basket and vouchers worth close to $1000. Pearl was ungrateful and they wailed and gnashed their teeth as they had disappointed her.

I often think of Pearl. What was it about this garden-variety exaggerating, rather pathetic big-noter that made people go completely mad?

I used to work as police support staff - a sector rife with bullying - and my first line manager, an inspector, was a nightmare. The force chaplain once confided in me that she thought that this woman was a psychopath. She would pick on me for everything and drove me to self harm and a mental breakdown. She gave me a written warning for using what she termed an unacceptable word but did it purely off her own bat without going through the proper procedures. I had ended up at my friend's house in floods of tears and my friend deliberately didn't wake me the next morning and phoned to tell them that I was in no condition to go to work that day. Luckily, I am in a union and the steward had gone straight to the Assistant Chief Constable who wiped everything from my record and begged me to come back. I ended up going to the ACC myself after this inspector ripped a colleague to shreds in front of another police officer as few months later and made her cry. We found it very hard to be sympathetic when the inspector ended up crying after her annual appraisal with the ACC.

The inspector was extremely right-wing, idolised Thatcher and also homophobic (happily recounted how she told her son that homosexuality was against God) though clever enough to be diversity-friendly in senior officers' eyes. She was desperate to get to work in the USA but couldn't get a visa as a cop so she and her husband (whom she despised for being happy to help people as a beat PC instead of brown-nosing to climb the ladder; the poor man was besotted with her) bought a business there as an excuse to immigrate without officially immigrate, though I suspect she probably supports Trump. When her husband got terminal cancer and had to return to the UK for treatment as they couldn't afford it in the USA , she refused to join him in case she couldn't get back into the USA due to illegal immigration status. As they had sold everything, he was actually homeless until a colleague of ours took him into their home; his wife didn't even attend his funeral because staying in the USA was more important.

Utterly vile woman with no moral core.

Also, I used to do the annual staff survey. Even though I was the only one who saw the anonymous returns, I used to get computer copies printed out in brand new internal or external envelopes with computer labels for my name and department. People were desperate not to be linked to their scathing comments. Often it was only by reading the forms I could work out that these were reasonably senior police officers though not the actual person. Police staff weren't the only ones being bullied.

A lady who was covering my maternity leave. Upon coming back she was hostile, lied to me about projects, left all the admin in a state. She even told my boss I couldn’t come to a team building day when in actual fact she’d never invited me when I was supposed to go. Unbelievable. She was annoyed I’d come back even though she knew it was always my intention and she only had a temporary contract. I lost all respect for her after that.

I took over managing someone who had really high levels of sickness absence, who told anyone who would listen that she was great at her job and completely irreplaceable.

After a couple of 1-2 week absences within the first 12 weeks I followed company policy and had a chat with her about it - she was quite formidable and her previous manager had always bottled it. When she completely mucked up the formatting of a document that others were using I sent her links to related internal training and asked her to sign up for it. I asked to see a letter she was issuing before it went out, the thing she was dealing with was so unusual and sensitive I had flagged it to the director of the company when I heard about it from her by chance, up until then she had just been dealing with it using her own judgement - against company policy and common sense.

Because of these three events, she went to HR in tears at my micromanaging her and filed a grievance, then went on sick leave which was on full pay for the period of the grievance process that she did her best to drag out.

It was a really stressful experience, when I read the grievance I was worried that I would be seen to be unreasonable and a nasty boss.

Her colleagues pretty much congratulated me when she finally resigned when her grievance didn’t stick. She had apparently been a complete nightmare to work with, throwing her weight around on the basis she’d been there longest and was most knowledgable (not true) passing off work onto them, going off sick in busy periods, always bringing the mood down by critiquing their work.

Although I had been a manager for a bit I had never dealt with anything like that before and I never want to again.

I had the most awful senior boss, massive power-trips. Apparently I was being unreasonable because I took dependents leave when my DD had a seizure at school and the ambulance was called because she was a teenager I literally had no one else.

He decided to ban shared afternoon tea on a Friday because he was trying to lose weight himself. He banned headphones yet he would them himself.

I have worked with a shed load of incompetent managers. My current manager who is sadly the boss's son, keeps forgetting to sign off payroll so come end of the day I am ringing him at least twice to remind him so I can leave before 5pm. He has been in the job for a decade...

Then there was the colleague who refused to talk to me because I took over job, as she was too incompetent and left the books in an utter mess (I am an accountant).

I once had a colleague say fuck off to me over a minor issue in front of my manager, and just her general constant swearing at everything.

When I was about 20 I had a boss who was hugely sexist. He'd rate potential new female staff members out of 10, shouting their "rating" to the other men in my team as they walked past to interview and telling the interviewer loudly they'd better recruit her. On my first day I asked where he'd like me to sit and he patted his lap and said "right here's good for me babe". I was eating a banana in the break room and he told me to bring another for the next day and let him know when I was taking my break. He once told me "get down on your knees and under my desk, I've got a surprise for you". All very amusing for the team which was made up of his horrible sexist friends and a couple of other really young women. When I left I told a higher manager that the man was sexist and shared some of his behaviour. The response was "why didn't you do something sooner"

I had someone who used to mock how I speak. Gave me a complex about something I was never anxious about before. I always knew I didn’t have the nicest voice, but this was juvenile bullying.

To any of you being bullied tell your line manager, contact HR, I’m in the nhs so you can report other annonomusly. If your in a union call them or if not contact ACAS.

So many...

First job - worked in an office where there was only one other person. He could never remember my name. He was a sullen, temperamental prick. I caught him drinking on the job once or twice.

A bitch boss who never paid her suppliers. One of them broke into the office and physically attacked me. All bitch boss cared about was how this might affect her reputation. I resigned soon afterwards.

A bully of a man whose employees were terrified of him. Shouted at his staff in front of the whole office. I left after six weeks.

Lastly, I worked in a big law firm that had a reputation for treating its staff badly. The abuse was awful. I had a miscarriage during my time there and was told, by my pig of a boss, that I must not use it as an excuse for slacking (I never slacked). He was a foul tempered bastard, given to snapping and shouting.

I work for myself now. Much happier.

@TheKrakening3 I'm fascinated by "Pearl"

My worst was when I was civilian staff with a military boss. He was responsible for four members of female staff and we each had a weekly review where he dragged us in and ripped into us for our failings that week. He'd go on and on and only stop when he had made you cry. I was only 19 and just didn't know how to handle him like my older colleagues did. His wife used to come in most days to see him and he'd act like a silly schoolboy round her. I remember her stroking the side of his head and telling him how cute he was . She had a really responsible and sensitive job and I wondered how she could possibly be doing it properly when she couldn't even see what a bullying arsehole her own husband was.