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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell my sister to just F off.

37 replies

YouDoYou18 · 30/07/2019 14:42

My DD is a year old next month and pretty much we’ve since she was born my sister has made annoying comments about my parenting. ‘Should you so that?’ ‘Have you washed your hands?’ ‘She’s going to fall because she shouldn’t be on the sofa’

It’s infuriating, yes she shouldn’t be left on the sofa, but I’m perfectly okay with her sat next to me snuggled in.

Well today she made a comment and I just snapped and told her that I don’t need her to keep criticising my parenting and to just bloody well piss off.

Now apparently I’m in the wrong, I should have just ‘left it’ and she ‘wasn’t hurting anyone’

AIBU??

OP posts:
TheTrollFairy · 30/07/2019 14:45

I would have said the same!

At the age of 1, unless you have a concrete floor, your DD would be ok if she fell off the sofa

EmeraldShamrock · 30/07/2019 14:45

Yanbu. She was hurting someone she was hurting you.
Now she knows how you feel when she calms down and you make up, she will know the boundaries.
People constantly give advice, I was very annoying to my Dsis with her first before I had DC.

vix1380 · 30/07/2019 14:46

I would have done the same yanbu

BlingLoving · 30/07/2019 14:48

Aaah, the joys of people telling you how to parent. I think the secret (easily said, difficult to do) is to make it clear it's not okay long before you snap. If I had a guaranteed way to do that, I'd tell you. But clearly I don't.

We had similar with SIL and BIL. On one memorable occasion, I was cooking. They were sitting a few feet away at the table chatting with me. DS, aged about 3, was wondering around. Every time he got within 2 feet of me, they'd tell him to be careful of the stove, it was hot etc etc. Eventually, I said calmly, but with a notable firmness in my voice aka through gritted teeth, "It's fine. I'm right here watching him, you don't need to worry."

It didn't solve things overnight. It stopped them from being like that with him for that day. A few more similar comments were made by DH and I over a period of time.

Since the've had their own DC they're not so bad with ours. Sadly, there poor kids can barely stand up without being told to be careful and don't even get me started on how they handled weaning.... Their paranoia is annoying.

newmomof1 · 30/07/2019 14:48

YANBU!
I get pissed off with this too.

Last week DM visited. DD had fallen asleep on me so I put her in Moses basket. DM said "put her feet at the bottom - that's what you're supposed to do". Yes mother, I know how to put her in the basket. I went to the classes and have managed to keep her fit and healthy so far, thanks!

IAskTooManyQuestions · 30/07/2019 14:49

LTB
Dial 101 or 111 or 911
Go LC or NC

mbosnz · 30/07/2019 14:49

It's taken you a year to get to that point?! Well done! Both for putting up with it for so long, and for finally telling her to put a sock in it. She may not have been doing any harm (well she has, she's been annoying the hell out of you with her unnecessary instructions and warnings), but she wasn't doing any good either.

BlingLoving · 30/07/2019 14:49

Oh, sorry, I never actually answered your AIBU.

No, YANBU. She's rude and annoying. If you want to repair things, try telling her that you know she means well but the constant instructions on how to parent are extremely draining and you're quite confident in your own skills.

Yearinyearout · 30/07/2019 14:53

She had it coming.

Cheeserton · 30/07/2019 14:57

YANBU. Constant stupid jibes in the guise of 'advice' are seriously bloody irritating.

Queenunikitty · 30/07/2019 15:10

YANBU My sister thinks she is the world’s best parent, she isn’t, the full time nanny she has employed for over 10 years does it all. Yet she still lets me know how I’m ‘failing’ as a parent at every opportunity, and she even decided my son “has high functioning Aspergers” and told all her friends this. If your sister doesn’t stop, go low or no contact. I do everything I can to avoid my family. Some people just don’t know how hurtful their comments can be and think they are always right and they can’t change.

Travis1 · 30/07/2019 15:12

Nope YANBU, only thing wrong is that it took you so long to snap

letsdolunch321 · 30/07/2019 15:13

Well said, why should you put up with her criticism- now she has been told fingers crossed she will be more considerate

Cherrysoup · 30/07/2019 15:19

My dm pointed out the sink to me yesterday as I came out of the toilet on a day out. I'm a fully functioning adult, I don't need to be told to wash my hands after using the loo! Some people just can't help tying to be in charge.

Isatis · 30/07/2019 15:29

Does your sister have any children of her own?

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 30/07/2019 15:36

I had a childless friend who used to do that shit. Bloody relief we aint friends no more.

Having someone condtstly critising you will ruin your self esteem. Well done for speaking up.

Love51 · 30/07/2019 15:37

Who told you that you should have left it and she wasn't hurting anyone? Can they be told that she shouldn't criticise your parenting if she doesn't want to deal with your response, and you don't appreciate them ganging up on you?
If it is your parents, point out that you are adults and able to conduct your own relationship. Did they witness this, or was it after the event?

mussolini9 · 30/07/2019 15:37

Now apparently I’m in the wrong, I should have just ‘left it’ and she ‘wasn’t hurting anyone’

Right. Like your sister 'just left it'? So she's allowed to speak out but you're not? And she WAS hurting someone. You.

A lot of people who are adept at giving it out can't take it. It's usually because they have had so much practice at being rude arseholes that they've got good at it, so their victims learn it's easier to keep quiet than challenge the rudeness.

YANBU - & please keep doing it until she learns that she cannot shut you down & the only way to keep relations cordial is to keep her own trap shut &, to quote her again "just leave it".

mussolini9 · 30/07/2019 15:42

Yet she still lets me know how I’m ‘failing’ as a parent at every opportunity, and she even decided my son “has high functioning Aspergers” and told all her friends this

Jeez, @Queenunikitty!
& I imagine your delightful sister made this startling pronouncement from the standpoint of ZERO professional paediactic qualifications? She is hilarious ... and & I feel your pain. Keep ducking that crazy, it's all you can do when someone else is always right innit :) x

SadOtter · 30/07/2019 15:45

YANBU. SIL was like this with DD, it drove me mad, unfortunately telling her to fuck off never helped for long, I eventually got her to stop by doing it by giving her constant advice on everything, even on little things she obviously didn't need help with, until she realised just how fucking annoying it is.

WhereYouLeftIt · 30/07/2019 15:59

"Now apparently I’m in the wrong, I should have just ‘left it’ and she ‘wasn’t hurting anyone’"
Who said this to you? Your sister or someone else?

Mummyoflittledragon · 30/07/2019 16:06

It’s always the same, isn’t it? Confront and you upset the person and are in the wrong. Say nothing and silently seethe or go over the interaction dozens of times of what you should have / could have said. You lose either way. Boundaries. “Thank you for your concern. I have it under control.” Grey rock / diffuse.

Original poster
YouDoYou18 · 30/07/2019 16:16

Thank you guys! She doesn’t have any children of her own... she still lives with my parents and doesn’t even work at 23 years old.
My mother was the one who told me I should have just left it and she wasn’t hurting anyone.

I told them that it was hurting my feelings and that I didn’t like being made to feel bad in my own home and my sister said ‘Yeah it hurts your feelings but I’m not wrong’ so I really don’t think she understands how rude it is!

OP posts:
Enko · 30/07/2019 16:17

Reply " you are both wrong and rude and need to stop"

MummyMcCracken · 30/07/2019 16:32

YANBU. She shouldn’t be telling you how to parent your child