Not sure where to post - changing childs surname.

[Emptyspacex]

Bit of back story - myself and partner been together 3.5 years and we are getting married in May 2021 so we will be together 5 years when married. My partner has been like a dad to my 6 year old son with special needs. He comes to all hospital appointments, speech and language and OT sessions, school meetings ect. He pays for days out for my son, teaches him to play football, helps me with parenting, looks after him when im at work (we live together). His dad on the other hand sees him once or twice a month, doesn't ring him/facetime or ask about him inbetween visits, cancels seeing him for less important events (nights out), he pays for him weekly but after a lot of hassle and arguing first. Says I dont need his money I get enough from child benefit (what a joke). He's on the birth certificate and my son has his last name.

My question is once myself and partner are married do we need birth dads permission to double barrel last name?
So it will be first name then partners surname then birth dads surname.

Hope that makes sense..

(I've given back story so you know the reason for wanting to change surname)

Yep, if he is on the birth certificate you either need his permission or to go to court to get it changed.

I changed my double barrelled surname when I turned 16, I didn't need my fathers permission, I'm 21 now and doesn't know I've done it still. I don't know if you have to have permission from both parents if you're under a certain age ? But in my experience it was very easy and I didn't have to ask for my fathers permission x

Any child under 16 now you need to get permission from the father or go to court.

Post in the legal section for better responses.

Unfortunately even to double barrel a child's name you still need permission from everyone with parental rights (even if the father isn't on the scene). You can appeal to courts to get it changed if he doesn't agreed but a judge would have to deem it worthy/exceptional circumstances. It's a rubbish system that seems to favour the father and the "parental heritage" that comes with a surname.
I've looked into this in depth and can't find a way round it.

You have to get permission from the father if he is named on the birth certificate. Please don't do it. He's still their father and was there when the kids were conceived.

Yes, unfortunately you need the other parent’s permission if they have PR. I’ve had the same with DS, who still has his violent, but fortunately absent father’s name.

Why do you want your DS to have two men’s names though? You birthed him, and he already has one man’s name who isn’t really part of his life. Why would you want to give him another man’s name? Why not keep your own and he can have that when he’s old enough to change it without his father’s permission if he wants to? You’re the constant in his life, yet you want to give him anybody else’s name but your own.

Because i dont want to keep my surname? I want my partners surname.
Why does it matter who conceived the child? Surely it's who cares for and brings up the child that matters.

He's an awful man who gives his child the absolute bare minimum and treats me like crap. Yet my partner has done everything a father should and loves him like his own.
I'm not asking to get rid of fathers surname all together just to double barrel. As partners name will also be mine.

Whatever the moral position (I’m not looking to get into a debate with you about who is the ‘better’ father) I can tell you that as a matter of law - yes you will definitely need either his father’s permission or a Court order to change his name in any way at all.

In terms of a Court order - in the circumstances as you have explained them - you are very unlikely to get one. It is really only where the child has lost all contact with a natural parent that such are granted.

The law is what it is.

However what you might be able to do is give him a ‘known’ by name which is used at school etc untill he can change it himself but any officials docs will still be in his actual name on his birth certificate.

Because your partner is not your sons father. His father has parental rights. You need his permission to change his sons name.

Why not let your new husband change his name to yours & your sons. Only needs one change then & no hassle.....

Why dont you ask your ex if your new partner can adopt the child, that absolves the ex of any responsibility towards him.

You can choose a known by name, which isnt legal. So your lad can go through school as Fred Smith Greene BUT things like his GCSE certificates will reflect his legal name - Fred Greene - at 16 he can choose whether to change his name legally.

I'd be careful of 'known by'
I know of someone who got into a lot of trouble by a judge during the CAO for doing this against the fathers wishes. She was really dressed down and told that it was wrong and not the child's name.
Obviously some judges don't care. But it's always a gamble on who you could end up in front of.

I know legally his father has parental rights but he does nothing parental to actually be a father.
It's just so frustrating.
He will never agree to it because he hated me and does stuff just to spite me.

I like the idea that their father should be respected because he was there 'when they were conceived' . Sounds like one of the only time he was there. Ejaculating does not a proper father make.

Just give him your surname. Problem solved.

(And keep your own name)

The child’s father is his birth father. You obviously both chose his name when you registered him and it’s really not up to you to change yoir son’s surname without his father’s permission. Luckily the law will not allow it in any case. It really should be about what is in the best interest of your son and not you.

@Celebelly exactly!!

@Cloudyyy I was 19 when i had my child and I didnt really know what to do I just did what I was supposed it. Yes he is biologically his father but in no way is he bringing him up or doing any sort of parental role.
It is in the child's best interests trust me it really is.

I also asked him earlier if he is seeing my child over the summer holidays at all..
His reply 'Got no holiday left at work this year'
Not a single days holidays used on child.
Yet another reason why i question his 'parental role'.

The law is there for a reason and the courts will unlikely agree. You and DP can change your name to the same if you wish as you are adults,

You picked him as the father of your child. You can’t erase him.

It doesn’t matter how much you question his parental role. He’s your child’s father, his name is on the birth certificate and he has parental rights, which means that you need his permission to change your child’s name, or they can do it themselves when they turn 16.

Thankyou. I will ask the sperm doner nearer the time.

However what you might be able to do is give him a ‘known’ by name which is used at school etc untill he can change it himself but any officials docs will still be in his actual name on his birth certificate.

Just be aware if the father objects to that the school will have no choice, but to use his birth name at all times.

It's not as easy now to do a 'known as' as it used to be.

@Emptyspacex You are more likely to have a judge agree to you adding your name to your DS's name.

What about doing that and your DP taking your name when you get married?

@empty in some cases if you can prove that it will have a detrimental effect on your child by not having the same surname as you, some judges will grant it.
I totally agree with you on this, if a child's parent is willing to be in the childs live and step up then fair enough but if not then why should they have the rights to a surname.
I really wish I registered my baby with my name, I also said my surname but at the time I caved in and gave the father's surname - big mistake.

It would probably be easier to wait until your child is a bit older, when you might have evidence that the surname is causing them distress, etc. You will need permission from the courts. You are more likely to be granted a court order if it's in the best interest of the child to change their name.

There shouldn't be any problems with a "known by" name, as it has no legal standing - it's just a courtesy name. Make sure your kid knows the difference when they get older. Whatever name they are known by (for everyday social purposes), their legal name will still be on all their exam papers, medical prescriptions, etc. Schools are very accustomed to children having "known by" names.