Please give me hope about anxious child.

[Guardianangelwhereareyou]

My nine year old is currently in the throes of a separation anxiety that is intensifying Ona daily basis . I have tried go, psychology, psychiatry but there is nowhere to turn. Waiting lists are so long. Private services also have very long wait times and we are all being held hostage as a family by this crisis.
My child thinks that I am going to die and that he will be left with a cruel person in an orphanage. I’ve since found out that he saw a programme on this which I find crazy in that I would never allow that type of viewing but regardless, he is so full of anxiety and our family dynamic is in crisis. Please advise. Will he come through this. I am waiting for a programme called circle of security to come from library . I try some tips from a friend whose child has similar difficulties . I am at my wits end and am shadowed by him all day and he will not sleep until I go to bed . I miss him and worry so much about him. Any help would be appreciated . I feel like I’m constantly stressed and meet a brick wall when I seek professional support . Thanks

My daughter had PTSD which manifested in separation anxiety. We were referred for Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, where they gave her some techniques to use to manage her anxiety, we had about five sessions. And they worked!

While she is generally more anxious than her sister, we all use the tools to get us through the tough times and it's been fantastic.

OP, what has triggered this anxiety? You do sound very anxious yourself, could this be deflecting on your child? I would be trying your best to minimise this anxiety in your child's presence.

This sounds like either a trauma reaction or an OCD symptom.

CBT can be hugely effective for children - has your GP looked into this?

Two things.

1. I was a very, very anxious child and had periods of acute separation anxiety. It passed... nothing out there for kids like me in the 80s though. I struggle with my mental health but my self awareness is getting better all the time.
2. Have you contacted Young Minds? They are the most brilliant charity.

No my GP suggested child counselling as he doesn’t want to medicalise it yet until he has a report from counsellor . I am a level headed strong person normally but I feel panicky as I am hitting a brick wall everywhere I turn for help. I’m going to look o to CBT. Thanks for your kind replies .

My ds suffered with this earlier this year, appeared suddenly and unexpectedly. Schooling was a real problem as he couldn't leave me. But working with the school and the school nurses, he was taught strategies to cope with and its all now resolved after around 5 sessions x

I would also add ds is 10 and we were doing lots at home to help reassure him but the reality is we were actually confounding his anxieties 😕

I wonder what you would think of his?
Yesterday we were at a community event , he literally held onto me for the few hours when all his cousins and friends played games . I went to the bathroom and he got angry saying I was trying to leave him. When my husband and I are at any event, he sticks to me and despite my husbands best efforts, he cannot be convinced to leave me and go away for a walk or a play with my husband or anyone else . Wehem we got home, he went straight to his room, tidied it and folded all his clothes which i found a bit odd . He likes tidiness etc but he literally walked straight up the stairs to do this of his own accord while the rest of us were preparing to sit for a film.

Thanks for such positive feedback. I’m clinging onto your every word posters .

There is a book called "dont worry be happy " from the Works that has good coping techniques for children. Good will you wait for professional help.

Also have you told him plan if you diedor to reassure him orphanage is not ever going to happen. E.g. he would live with dad, or auntie xxx. (Obviously difficult to balance as it might make his fear of losing you more real)

**while not will

I think he needs some professional support.

In the meantime - there is a book called The Invisible String - story book that explains that we are attached to people we love by invisible string, no matter how far away they are. He may find it comforting...

They sound great recommendations . I will order these .

Has this come out of the blue OP? If so, can you pinpoint a trigger? I know you say the programme...I am assuming not a hideous adult programme but a David Walliams or Ronald Dahl type thing intended for his age group?

I had separation anxiety and OCD as a child. Lots of periods of this kind of thing. I'm not without problems now but I'm a functioning adult.

Something I always had a problem with and still do is the inability to separate things I see from myself. If I saw an illness on tv, I felt I had it etc. If I read a story about an asteroid, it was definitely coming and I couldn't look at the sky. Reminds me of what you say about your son seeing the thing about an orphanage on tv. Maybe you can work on helping him understand that when he sees something like that it's only a story and it probably won't affect him. That's one thing cbt might do actually.

If it is of an OCD nature, the advice is to avoid reassuring as this reinforces the need to seek reassurance.

I'm sorry there isn't access to help right now. That's not fair and I realise you really do need it. Good luck.

Roald!

My DD now 15 suffered too although her's was prompted by a death in the family.
I bought her some 'worry angels' off the internet; she basically told them her worries, they were in a little case and they 'took her worrys away' and had a poem with it. I also got her from 'not on the high street ' 2 boxes, happy thoughts and sad thoughts, they had little cards you wrote on and 'posted' them. I would sit with her and go through them with her. I stress that this was after a significant bereavement but it did help writing stuff down and talking to her 'worry angels'.
I too think CBT is good if it's extreme. X

Watching this with interest.

I have a ds the same age who has suddenly started being anxious, not separation anxiety for us but it's so hard watching them go through this

Great ideas. I have a worry monster for him and he says it helps. I’ve looked into cb therapists . Any more recommended reading or viewing please .

I took my daughter to Hypnotherapy, it made a huge difference ... her anxiety hasn’t disappeared, but, she’s much calmer when anxious, and we talk a lot more. I had to pay privately, as getting anything via the NHS seemed impossible

Overcoming Your Child's Fears & Worries by Cathy Cresswell and Lucy Willetts. My son was very similar at that age, he's now 17 and I almost can't remember what it was like. It will pass.

Hypnotherapy definitely worth a try - we had great results with it for anxiety-related bed-wetting.

OP, our daughter's therapist said to us at the first meeting - who is the anxious one of the two of you? And DH pointed straight at me. And he's right, I'm a worry wort compared to him. So there could be something in there being a family predisposition.

DD is 11 and at Christmas began to have very high levels of anxiety - school refusal, not eating etc. She was always a bit anxious so had been having cbt which didn't help her as we was too anxious to use the techniques. We moved to a new psychologist who used EMDR which is about eye movements and is used to treat PTSD. It helped her very quickly.

DD is now being assessed for ASD as her anxiety has highlighted other symptoms

Dd also has a book - what to do when you worry too much. She found it very helpful

Thanks. So much great advice and hope. I cannot see a light at the end of the tunnel so these stories are really helping