Please give me hope about anxious child.

[Guardianangelwhereareyou]

My nine year old is currently in the throes of a separation anxiety that is intensifying Ona daily basis . I have tried go, psychology, psychiatry but there is nowhere to turn. Waiting lists are so long. Private services also have very long wait times and we are all being held hostage as a family by this crisis.
My child thinks that I am going to die and that he will be left with a cruel person in an orphanage. I’ve since found out that he saw a programme on this which I find crazy in that I would never allow that type of viewing but regardless, he is so full of anxiety and our family dynamic is in crisis. Please advise. Will he come through this. I am waiting for a programme called circle of security to come from library . I try some tips from a friend whose child has similar difficulties . I am at my wits end and am shadowed by him all day and he will not sleep until I go to bed . I miss him and worry so much about him. Any help would be appreciated . I feel like I’m constantly stressed and meet a brick wall when I seek professional support . Thanks

I have an anxious child, not quite on the same level but I went to a talk about childhood anxiety.
The speaker, Dr Kathy Weston has a website (just google her name) with podcasts on all sorts of different topics, she has guest speakers, it might be worth a look.
I hope things improve soon, it's incredibly tough

It is but this is very helpful thanks . I don’t feel so alone

There are some strategies we would use for children who have natural separation anxiety - those who've experienced trauma, separation from birth family, multiple foster placements etc. I'd echo the previous recommendation of the Invisible String book. The Therapeutic Parenting Facebook group can be supportive. Little things like starting small and practicing stuff like going out together and coming home again, re-building trust, working up towards going out without the child for ten mins and coming back, lots of short (although still hard!) episodes where the child succeeds at things they're finding hard. Essentially I'd suggest supporting your child as if they were a much younger emotional age in this particular instance - part of that involves being their unassailable calm safe base (no matter what you're feeling inside!).

DD3 has this when she was about 8. She's now 10. I did the complete opposite of what many people do. I didn't reassure her that Mummy wouldn't die. I didn't see the point - it would be a lie.

I told her that she was a very clever girl and that she was too clever for me to lie. I told her that I definitely would die, because everyone does, but I'm hoping that it will be a very long time until I die. However, if I did die, it would be very sad and Daddy would look after her, and they would be ok. They'd be sad, but they would be ok.

Similarly, when she expressed worries about herself dying, I said that she definitely would die, but I'm hoping it will be a very long time from now, and that if she did die, we'd be very sad, but we'd look after each other and we'd be ok.

This approach seemed to reassure her, as it was not trying to hide a terrible truth from her.

I also did a little exercise with her where she closed her eyes and I'd say "are you dead yet? What about now? What about now....?" because she was fearful that she could 'die any second'.

We still have times where she's more clingy than others. She gets a bit fixed on 'saying goodbye'. But generally, she's much better.

A book, where you write all the worries down and you keep it for him. No matter what you will keep the worries and they can be discussed whenever he wants but he's not to worry in the meantime. You and he can look at them and discuss why they're only beliefs (when we worry, we can feel bad and this tricks us into thinking we're in danger) but it's just a trick and we're not in danger because you are sensible and take good and reasonable care.

I would beef up any activity that makes him feel capable. Swimming. Climb a big hill. Do a bike ride. Win a medal. Anything that increases his self confidence and capability.

Get recommendations on a good cahma therapist who works privately. See them. Good luck x

Our camhs do a program called cool kids. Kids go into one room and parents in another. Both are taught about anxiety and how to handle it. I found it bloody marvellous, him not so as he was suspected asd. I had no idea I was feeding his anxiety and some small changes to my approach made all the difference. If your local team run this, try and get on it. If it is not possible, then read up on managing childhood anxiety. You can do so much to help him but sometimes it helps knowing you are not alone.

Hi, this could have been my daughter last year. She's always been sensitive and the school had hinted that they wondered if there was an element of ASD but as it wasnt affecting her schooling we left it.

last summer was horrendous, it was as if once we were away from school the lack of structure caused her to have horrendous anxiety. I was afraid to wake up in the morning as I didn't know what little girl I would find.

we took her in a state to see the GP. The GP recommended a 2 prong approach to ensure we could get help for her. The GP referred her to Primary CAMHs, which is a nurse led triage. The nurse was fantastic and saw her every fortnight.

At the same time we spoke to the school who immediately implemented an action plan to 'protect' her education. This meant the school ensured all change would be communicated to her. The school also requested counselling.

Primary CAMHs wrote to the school informing them that DD was being seen by them. This was crucial it was this letter that meant the school could call in the ed psych.

We are now a year on, the counselling sessions started about 2 months ago. I can tell when they have been to see her as she comes home very tired with a 'headache'

We have seen the ed psych and we have accepted the offer to have her assessed. I am not after a label I'm after support.

If I'd known about the anxiety sooner I would have pushed for an ASD assessment sooner. Nobody understands what it is like to see a child with anxiety unless they have experienced it themselves.

Good luck and look after yourself

Agree to getting professional help and looking after yourself, its exhausting being clung to constantly. One tip I found useful was giving ds a 'transitional object' if I had to leave him so school bag had a keyring with a photo of us together in it. Also if I had to go out for something non routine I'd give him something precious of mine to look after till I got back ( when young it was my fav cuddly toy from my childhood, when your sons age I gave him my wedding ring ( caveat is that dh and I aren't that sentimental about our rings, mine was only 40 pounds and so losing it would have been OK and he was v careful with it). He also found it reassuring to wear something of mine in the house when I went to shops. ( still does at 13 but only oversized boyish fleeces now!) Having said that we knew the bigger causes of his anxiety and were doing wider work on it but this might be one strategy to give you and he something to try.

Thank you so much