Feeling a bit stupid for doing this, but still think it was the right thing to do.

[Movinghouseatlast]

I have had a cleaner for my business for 3 years now. She needed to leave as was starting a much more lucrative cleaning job with more hours.

I was going to start doing the cleaning myself but there was a month between her wanting to stop and me being able to start. She said she would stay on, and also she desperately needed the extra money. So it was all good.

She then asked me if her mum could do the job instead of her. The mum has just left a terrible coersive controlling relationship where the guy had forced her into prostitution, she had just managed to leave and move away.

I said of course, and it just seemed assumed by both of them that the mum would carry on cleaning, not stop after a month. I was really aware that this was a fresh start for her, I wanted to help and I hate cleaning so decided to let her take the job on permanently, despite the fact I only really needed someone for a month.

After 2 cleans she phoned me saying she needed some money for a deposit on a flat, and could I pay her a month in advance. She said she had nowhere to live and I was worried she would go back to her old life, so I paid her.

2 weeks later she phoned in tears saying she had no money for food and could I advance her 2 weeks money. Again, I thought she might be tempted back if she was skint.

I think you can guess where this is going.

She has called in sick for the last two weeks. I also discovered that when she last cleaned she did around £100 worth of damage, which she knows about but hasn't apologised for.

I feel stupid, but she was so grateful for me giving her the job, and SO grateful when I gave her the money in advance. I trusted her daughter who used to clean for me implicitly. But I know I have been really gullible. I am £600 down which I just can't afford really.

My dad controlled my mum horribly, which I think is why I felt I needed to help her. She has had a terrible time and I'm sure she hasn't set out to fleece me. But the fact still remains that I have lost money! I feel really stupid.

I don't think you're stupid, you are a lovely person who tried to help someone start over

I think my answer on chasing it up would depend on how the transfer of funds was handled. Do you have paperwork stating it’s advance payment for hours due? Or did you just hand over cash?

I’d be chalking it up as money lost tbh. I understand you were trying to be kind but you have been really foolish.
I would chase it up but know realistically that money has gone. If it’s got a business, we’re you not paying this properly, or was it cash in hand?

You're a good person, OP. If only there were more people like you in the world!

Although, it makes v little difference how you paid, that money has gone and you are unlikely to get it paid off by her working.

Write it off.

Only use people who have been recommended to you by people whose judgment you trust.

Never advance wages unless you can afford not to get the money back. If you can't afford not to get the money back, you can't afford to advance the wages.

I'm sorry, OP, it's a shit return for your kindness but it is also a learning experience.

I think you've been really kind. Just bad luck x

Thanks all. I think I'm going to try to get her to complete the work, I am.there the whole time doing something else so she can't take anything. The month where I couldn't be there, hence she broke stuff, is over now.
I doubt she'll do it though- as Bluntness said, she has no incentive to work.She has been living a chaotic life for so long I guess it must be hard to go back to normality.

The story is definitely true. The daughter told me about her mum over a year ago, She was so upset that her mum was in the situation, and delighted when her mum got away. I was trying to help the daughter too- she has been great and I wanted to help her have her mum around and on the straight and narrow.

I don't pay cash in hand, but her daughter was self employed. They have to give you a declaration that they pay their own tax and NI. I put it through my books and they should fill in a tax return. I pay them.via bank transfer. There was nothing in writing about the advance payment, which I should have done.

Anyhow, I'm going to try and look at it that I've given the money to charity. I will do the work myself so at least don't have to shell.it out again!

I think you have to tell the daughter as it was her recommendation. It will affect her business reputation if she recs her mum again.

I would write it off and move on.

I'd tell the daughter and see what she suggests; to be honest. If I was her, I'd complete the cleaning myself (maybe on a different day due to her other job) and I'd want to deal with my mum, both for damaging my reputation and what has happened to that money.

So you are kind.
When I first moved to this country I had little experience and a kind family hired me because they saw a hardworking honest person.
I worked really hard for years with them and they treated me like family.
20 years later here I am, settled, good job, family, giving lots back to the community.
They did the same with another guy who was a disgrace and stole money from them and the rest of the staff and left.

Were they stupid? No. They were kind and they took chances and overall they did more good than harm.

If we don't take chances to help others we won't reach the good ones ❤️

I think you were kind. A chancer has taken advantage of your kindness. Personally I wouldn’t have her back and I would also change the locks, but I’m a suspicious old person.