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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are we being unreasonable

27 replies

Scorpiovenus · 29/07/2019 15:24

Bm again has made plans on my finances only day he gets a week. Tell me mums. Why does she always do this and is it normal for so many parties on a Sunday ? Just seems weird she thinks time with kids he sees at school every day is more important then time with his dad? Please help me understand why this is ok?

OP posts:
Original poster
Scorpiovenus · 29/07/2019 15:24

Unreasonable I mean

Sorry

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 29/07/2019 15:25

BM?

ladyvimes · 29/07/2019 15:26

Can he see him any other day? Could your dp take him to the party and pick him up? It’ll only be a couple of hours surely? Seems a shame for him to miss out on classmates’ parties.

baubled · 29/07/2019 15:27

I think the OP means to say the birth mum of her fiancés children

dollydaydream114 · 29/07/2019 15:27

I don't understand what any of this means.

IAskTooManyQuestions · 29/07/2019 15:27

I take it you are the father and you only see your child on a Sunday? Then YOU take him/her to the social activity.

And yes, weekend parties are normal its when people are off work and arrange their childs party Hmm. And yes, it is important that they go, as far as possible.

Crunchymum · 29/07/2019 15:28

Surely the BF takes child to the party if it falls on his day?

IAskTooManyQuestions · 29/07/2019 15:28

Oh, I see you are the new girlfriend. Well same applies. HE takes HIS child to social events.

user1493413286 · 29/07/2019 15:29

Surely a party is only a couple of hours so he could see him the rest of the day? I don’t think children should miss out on parties because their parents are separated so we always work round DSDs birthday parties so we still see her and she still gets to go.
Ps. Using birth mum doesn’t go down well on mumsnet

PurpleDaisies · 29/07/2019 15:29

Birth mum? She is his MUM.

AlansLeftMoob · 29/07/2019 15:31

So he's your fiancée and he has a child with someone else that he only gets to see one day a week on his day off, but the child's mother prefers for the child to go to schoolfriends parties? Parties don't last all day, why can't the child's dad take them and pick them up after. It is tough on the Dad but would also be really unreasonable to expect a child to miss out on all their friends parties.

NailsNeedDoing · 29/07/2019 15:35

She hasn't 'made plans' she has accepted invitations on her child's behalf because presumably the child would like to go to his friends parties. Like most other children.

It's good for children to have their lives facilitated by both parents, and non resident parents keeping up with clubs or social things on their time is exactly what they should be doing. Contact time isn't just for the NRP to choose whatever they fancy doing, it's for them to do some actual parenting as well.

UtterUtterUtter · 29/07/2019 15:37

Sorry, YABU. Ex-H and I arrange our lives around our young children’s social lives! Just because we’ve split up doesn’t mean that they should have to miss out on fun things like birthday parties. It can be extremely inconvenient for us but you have to put the children first.

AnneLovesGilbert · 29/07/2019 15:40

OP never comes back (previous jam sandwich fuckwittery) loathes her SS and is probably pleased he'll be coming less. No point at all engaging.

Nautiloid · 29/07/2019 15:42

Very normal to have parties on a Sunday. There are only two possible days for them really. In my experience of divorced friends, which is reasonably extensive, whichever parent has the child with them on the day of the party takes the child to it.
Is there a reason your DP can't do that?
If she is making other plans for that day that aren't the children's social events, then that is unreasonable as anything other than the occasional one off.

kitk · 29/07/2019 16:01

YABU to call their actual mum their birth mum, just mum is fine!

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 29/07/2019 16:02

What Confused

Sorryisntgoodenough · 29/07/2019 16:02

Well BM isn’t telling all the other kids to pick Sunday for their party is she? Of course DS would want to go to all the parties he is invited to. Imagine how miserable he would be to hear from classmates what a great party he missed.

YABU.

It doesn’t last, as the get a little older the whole class party invites die off, and it just tends to be events with really close friends so there are less to attend.

Ahhh didn’t realise it was the jam butty and no clothes at his dads DC.

5foot5 · 29/07/2019 16:06

Blimey well done baubled I had no clue what this was about until you posted.

whothedaddy · 29/07/2019 16:19

Your partner should take his kid to his friends parteis. The Sunday he spends with his child isn't play time it's to share the parenting. Allowing your child to socialise with their friends is part of parenting. My DD bio father has never ever bothered with taking DD to any of her clubs or any parties. now she is almost 10 she prioritises her friends over a dad that doesn't bother so If there is a party she wants to go to she tells her dad she doesn't want to see him.

If he bothered parenting when she was uyounger she probably wouldn't be so dismissive about their time together.

Foslady · 29/07/2019 16:56

So ask to swap days Hmm

Nettie1964 · 29/07/2019 17:06

Not nice to call anyone BM unless an adoption is involved! If you choose to be with anyone with children from a previous relationship flexibility kindness and humour are essential. Most small children's beats are either Sat or Sun... My stepchildrens mum always wanted the kids at Christmas and Easter or Halloween. But usually let us have them on Valentine's or our bdays if she knew we had plans. We just included the kids and enjoyed ourselves. Part of being a grownup and a parent. Sorry

kitk · 29/07/2019 18:10

@Nettie1964 great comment. Not sure any step parent who calls the mother the birth mother is actually an adult tho... unless kids mostly live with their BF (meaning birth father over boyfriend!)

Faryal1993 · 29/07/2019 18:18

Hi. I am 36 week pregnant and its my 1st baby, just wondering if anyone can help me with one thing, is it necessary to shave bikni line before going into labour. It's little awkward to have when delivering baby.

AnneLovesGilbert · 29/07/2019 18:22

You're posting on someone else's thread @Faryal1993 and should start your own.

Swipe left for the next trending thread