To be slightly miffed at no wedding present?

[StandingStillIsHard]

Just want to know if aibu or not...

I got married last month, it was a very small occasion, with only 15 guests. My parents gave us a gift bag with some presents in, so I wasn't sure if these were from just my parents, or if my three sisters also chipped in.

I asked one of my sisters if any of the presents were from them, she said no, they were all from my parents. She then said she and the other two were going to buy us something, but they never got round to organising it in the end. She waved it off as if the matter was dismissed and in the past, so it doesn't sound like they're going to bother now.

AIBU to be a little bit miffed by this? They are all in their 20s with jobs so they're not kids. I know when they get married we will need/be expected to give them a nice present. It's not even that I'm a grabby person, it's the thought that counts so I wouldn't have cared even if it was something small but heartfelt, at least it would show some effort was made IYSWIM?

(And to put the cherry on the cake, one of them brought their new boyfriend (who I've met once) to the reception without even asking me if it was okay to do so. The boyfriend arrived and started eating food from our buffet without even congratulating us. I didn't say anything to sister about this to avoid ruining the day but I thought this was a little rude tbh)

That is a bit weird, yes. I think it would be fine not to get them wedding presents in the future, however.

Very mean and thoughtless of them, I think. I can understand you being hurt.

It's a bit strange. I wonder if it's an age thing? Dds uncle got her nothing for her Christening, in his twenties, alright job still lives at home. Apparently he was going to buy her something and dmil suggested it wasn't the best idea so he just didn't bother. I found that weird as well.

I find anyone turning up to a wedding giving no gift at all v odd and a little disrespectful.
Especially as your sisters they should have been more thoughtful. Doesn't have to cost lots, it could be something sentimental.

I'd be miffed in that situation. Can your DM explain to them that it would be kind and fitting to at least make a gesture?

It is against normal etiquette, but why would you get any of them a gift in future?
If people don't do gifts for a certain occasion - be it birthdays, Christmas or weddings - then I wouldn't either for them. Not as a rude thing but they have set the standard here.

Tough one, I suppose you never really understand the finances of others. My OH and I earn approx £52k between us each year, but the amount of money that goes on student loans/career development loans/debts is really high. So much so that once we pay off all our bills and get food in, we haven’t got much left to spare. We went to a wedding a couple of weeks ago and at the moment we’re struggling as I’ve not been paid mileage for 2 months due to a backlog at work, this can easily amount to £300 difference in pay. I felt awful but I couldn’t afford to attend their wedding, have enough money for drinks, taxis as well as a gift. My OH also went on the stag do abroad which cost around £400. They’re dear friends of ours who we both think highly of, however we just couldn’t afford a gift as well as attend the wedding. I’d like to think ultimately they’d rather have us there than make our excuses and cancel.

We are getting married in 2 years and hand on heart I just want people to come and have a nice time. I don’t care about gifts, I’d rather our guests feel they can come and have a nice time than if they were struggling and make excuses not to come through embarrassment. A token card with a meaningful message inside is always appreciated however. Did they give you a card?

The one who brought her boyfriend is rude AF though.

Even if you're skint a photoframe costs a couple of quid. No excuse.

Don't get them anything for theirs if/when the time comes!

People can be weird. When one of my brothers got married I coordinated other siblings and organised them something really lovely and quite pricey which ended up costing even more than planned due to changes DB and SIL made and when we got married a little later that year they didn't give us a card or a gift and then 3 months later made a massive song and dance about handing over something they suggested was very special, thoughtful and worth the wait - which turned out to be 6 drinking glasses from a supermarket, wrapped in a plastic bag. It took everything I had to compose my face appropriately

Here people who know the couple or their family usually buy a gift and take it to either bride or grooms parents. They may ask about gift list and buy from it.
As for those invited to the wedding or evening do ( if one,) they tend to buy a good wedding gift.
But weddings here are different, only close family and friends go to hen and stag dos and quite a number go home after.
Its very wrong to be a guest and not buy a gift and by the same bring an uninvited guest.
You need a chat with your mum and decide best way to deal with it so you can be happy.
Congratulations btw.

This is why we always do charity wedding gifts in our family. Those that could afford it bought off our charity gift list (a goat, a toilet, a clean water pump etc) and those who couldn’t/didn’t want to just relaxed. Our charity made loads, we felt great and our guests didnt feel under pressure. These days of cohabiting mean wedding gifts are unnecessary - it’s just an excuse for a JL gift haul isn’t it if you already have a fully furnished house?

I wouldn’t worry but I certainly wouldn’t be getting them a wedding gift in future either. If they don’t believe in wedding gifts, you don’t want to insult them, do you?

You definitely don’t need to get them a gift when they get married!

Know how you feel though. BIL didn’t get us a gift when we got married. We got him a gift to say thanks for doing a reading during the ceremony but got nothing from him. He definitely wouldn’t have got a present from us if he had got married.

My sister didn’t buy us a wedding present. I suspect her reasoning was that the hotel we were married in was very expensive and that her being there was sufficient. When she got married she sent out one of those poems. Since we were not able to attend originally ( she booked it for the week I was due to give birth) and as I was in hospital for the last 2 months of my pregnancy I was unable to sort out a present for her. I think she moaned to my other sister about it but was reminded that she hadn’t bought us a present so what did she expect.
DS was born prem so we were able to attend the wedding. On the one hand she was happy we managed to attend but on the other hand was unhappy we took DS and commented about him likely to make too much noise during the church ceremony. He slept peacefully throughout.

My ILs gave us a £20 note as a wedding present, I was pretty shocked.
They aren’t rich, but went on two or three holidays abroad a year.
Some of their family did similar, none of them RSVP’d and some didn’t turn up at all.
My family behaved like normal people thankfully 😀😀😊

Say to sisters that sister said something about a wedding gift, that you are so pleased to have something from them to remember the day and when might they be planning to give it to you as you thought it might be nice to all get together for the occasion.

They gave you a great gift....... When they have big fancy expensive weddings you get to save by not buying a present as they didn't bother. If you do decide to get something small and I mean small they can't even complain because its more than they did for you.

I am NC with my sibling, but was invited to their wedding. We sent something from the gift list to the value of £100, but didn’t attend. I think your sisters should have at least bought a bottle of champagne!

I would rather have no gift than a £2 photo frame.

I'd appreciate a £2 photo frame especially when I knew that the person giving was struggling with money. I'm not a snob

Not the same thing as we haven’t gotten married yet, but I distinctly remember not one card or gift (not that I expected gifts!) being given to us when we got engaged. In fact only one family member said congratulations and that was via Facebook. Sounds daft but that hurt quite a bit, especially seeing as me and my sister got engaged within months of each other and I gave her a beautiful personalised card from Etsy and a really lovely engagement gift which she still uses to this day.

The same thing happened when we had children, no cards, gifts or even texts of congratulations for me and DH yet I made a big fuss over them and their children and was very supportive during their pregnancies.

It’s awful that feeling in the pit of your stomach when you realise people don’t really care that much about you, especially when it’s ‘family’.

The fact that no one cared actually made me really think about what I want from life, spending £££ on a wedding for people who clearly aren’t too bothered with me isn’t going to happen we’re eloping to Vegas instead and will spend the £££ on ourselves instead!

I honestly don't understand why people expect presents when they get married or engaged etc. To me it comes across as really grabby.
OP was given a bag full of presents, does it really matter who it came from?
I think the Bf's behaviour was actually more UR than the sister not buying a present.
Yes, I speak as someone who has never been engaged or married but I did think the whole point of getting married was about people coming together not who can buy the couple, gifts.

I'm pretty about one gift we never received. He was a groomsman, stand in best man (long story, but I don wonder if that's the reason!), we paid for his hotel room, the wedding was fully inclusive of food and drink Fri-Sun, and we paid for his suit and got him a thank you gift - two, in fact. He literally just had to get there, no expense otherwise.

His wedding was on a Friday, in London, cash bar, he asked for money that we happily gave.

No idea why you wouldn't get a gift in those circumstances!

Of course it's ok to be annoyed. You can't help how you feel, and in my opinion it's justified. However I believe it's best to now just get over it. It was poor manners on their part, but to call them out on it would also be rude, so why stoop to their level. Sorry to say but it seems you've just gotten the short end of the stick where siblings are concerned.

YANBU