To ask you to tell me I'm being silly

[thefloogals]

Me and my H are going to be TTC in the next 8 weeks. We already have a 2 year old.

Literally since our son was about 3/4 months old my body has had this overwhelming urge to have another. We haven't yet tried for various reasons but have decided we will start in September.

I know I'm being silly but I'm absolutely TERRIFIED I will have another (much wanted) child and not feel as much love for him/her as I do for my DS. I just don't feel like I can love any other person in the same way.

I know millions of people have more than one but I can't get this thought out of my head and it's scaring me

@thefloogals

GO FOR IT GAL!

I had mine close together (14 months apart - both girls,) and it's lovely having a tiny gap.

They have never known life without each other, and have always been the best of friends (apart from a couple of years in their teens when they seemed to bicker quite a bit..., But teen girls are not the easiest to get on with - even with each other!)

Now they're in their mid 20's they are incredibly close, and love each other to bits, and even though they went to separate universities, they stayed in touch the whole time, and now live 20 miles from one another, and meet up regularly.

Best of luck!

Thank you @alittlerayofsunshine

That's so lovely that they're grown to be best friends. I bet that makes you so proud!

I must think about having another one about 5 times a day, I'm so so so desperate to have a second but this thought really scares me!

Especially as he'll be around 3 when the next one comes so he will understand. It breaks my heart to think his mummy loves someone else

I know I'm overthinking it!!

In the nicest possible way, get over it, you are being utterly ridiculous.

Aw don’t worry and go for it xx

You love them both in different ways and a good phrase to start memorising is "No, Mummy doesn't take sides."

You'll never love another the way you love your DS and you'll never love any other child the same as your youngest either.

Do you have pets? It's kind of like that. One never replaces any other but they all have their own place in your heart and the amount of love is equal. If you have 20 kids, you'll love each one just as much as the first.

I think it is totally normal to feel like this. I heard someone say that it's not that you have to split your love in two, but that it doubles. A bit corny, but maybe helpful.

The very fact that you’re concerned about this means you’ll be ok.
Your heart just grows to make room for a new baby.
Good luck.

It's a different love but equally as powerful.

I worried about the same thing when I was pregnant with DS. How could I ever love anyone as much as I love DD? And I definitely, definitely do. It's the same love and it's different love - she's my big girl, he's my baby boy. That'll change as they get older, too, but I won't love them any less. Them being totally besotted with one another helps (although there's no guarantee of that, and I don't expect it to last forever!).

You'll be fine, OP. Good luck to you!

You'll be fine! I remember worrying about the same thing, but your love just grows - and watching them love each other as they grow - just wow! Go for it!

Yes I had the same feeling and yes it goes away when you have the second. :)

When DD was very young she asked me whether I would have another baby and if so would I love her less. I explained that love is like a big lake with lots more love flowing into it all the time, and if she had a brother or sister there would always be more than enough love flowing into that lake for both of them or for as many children as we could have. This was true for her and true for you too Op. DD was happy with that explanation and never doubted the extent of our love for her.

I have a 2 year old and a 9 week old. I worried about the same thing. Your love just kind of grows!! You'll be grand x

@NoNeedToArgue - it is a bit corny, but it's absolutely true. Your love just expands. It's not as though I loved my ExP any less when our first DC was born, and when I had our second, it was simply more of the same. The love was equal for both DC, it grew, it's not shared.

OP - think how much you love your DS. Have you ever felt that overwhelming love before? No, because it came into existence right at the moment that he did. It will be the same for any other children that you have. A new love, not a divvied up one. Love isn't a finite emotion

Thank you everyone. I love the corniness of love growing! I've never really thought of it that way. More like I'll have to share my love out...

And thank you so much for the tip for explaining it to my little boy. I'm really worried how he'll deal
With it and we haven't even started TTC yet!!

OP dont worry its completely normal! I have 13 months between my first two and was overwhelmed with that fear you describe- you look at your baby and think there is no way you could possibly love another baby as much as you love them, but you will, dont worry.

I explained it to my DDs as they grew up and asked me about it as love cannot be divided, it can only grow- so when my heart was all full up with love for DD1, it just got twice as big to hold all my love for DD2. Repeat for DD3!

You will be fine I promise!

Honestly - I've had five, love them all to death. More and more love comes with each child and you love them differently for the different things they do. You will love your newborn for their helplessness and their starfish fingers and their first smiles, and your three year old for his attempts at independence, strange questions, and puddle stomping.

Don't worry. You've got this.

I totally get this, I felt exactly the same about my DS. I worried that my relationship with him would change and never be the same again. But now DD is here, our family feels complete. There’s only 21 months between them and they adore each other. It’s amazing how your heart doubles in size and you love your children completely equally.

Love isn't limited, it just gets bigger. You will feel the same love for your new dc as you do for your Ds. In fact I think that love even changes for the better as you see your Ds as a big brother and love how kind and caring he will be to the new dc.

I have 2 DD's and the love I feel for each one is unlimited. Watching the relationship and bond grow between your dc is a magical experience.

You are being silly!

I felt like that. I was worried I would not have enough love but you will find that love expands. The more you love then the more love you have to give. Good luck!

Love isn’t finite, it expands and you always have more than enough to give. When mine reached the age of asking who was the favourite child I always said you’re my favourite (insert age of child) year old, they say that’s a cop out.

My mom said she worried about this when pregnant with me. She waited a long time for children and when she had my brother she felt she could never love another human being as much as she loved him. But, when I was born she said it's like your heart expands and creates all this new love and not at all like sharing the love between two children.

I felt exactly the same. Now I look at my two boys and think how much I love them both and DS1 adores being a big brother even if his little brother follows him around constantly and has no concept of personal space!

The lake analogy is a good one.

As others have said, it’s a different love but just as fierce. Imagine the other people you love in your life, your DH, maybe mum, sibling etc. You didn’t stop loving each one as each new person came into your life. I have two and my love for them is different but absolutely equal. It’s so hard to explain but once you have the second you will know.